shock and all. Perfectly understandable if you'd like to lie down or something.'
'I'm fine, Trevor,' he said. 'So let's drop it, huh?'
Trevor started to respond, but merely shook his head instead.
Eric started toward the cafeteria.
'Where are you going, Eric?'
'Supplies. I'm going after them, Trevor.' He looked at his old friend, felt the old Eric's sentimentality rising, pushed him back like a child into a well. 'Supplies,' he repeated, and walked on.
'It's suicide, son,' Trevor called after him. 'What's done can't be undone. Not with the earthquakes, not with Jennifer. Not even with Annie and Timothy. There are too many of them, Eric. We need you here.'
Eric kept walking, ignoring Trevor's words. Their logic assaulted him, tried to wedge themselves into his brain. What's done can't be undone. That's life.
Not anymore.
'Eric! Wait up.' Rydell Grimme's voice carried crisply through the night. He was running across the quad with the rest of them, Season, Molly, and Tag. Within seconds they were standing in front of him. Rydell's face was flush with excitement. 'You're going, aren't you? I mean, after Fallows.'
'After my wife and son.'
'Right. That's what I mean.'
Eric stared at him silently.
'I want to go with you. To help.'
Season jumped in suddenly. 'Me too. I want to help too.'
Molly frowned with surprise. 'When did you decide that?' she asked Season.
'Just now, I guess.'
Eric looked at Molly and Tag.
'Don't look at me,' Molly said. 'I like it right here. Food and water and occasional sex.'
Tag nodded, embarrassed. 'Sorry, I don't think it's for me.'
'Good,' Eric said finally, 'at least there are two of you with some brains. What in hell makes you think I'd take a couple amateurs with me? Did you think you were doing me a favor? More than likely you'd end up getting me killed. And yourselves. So forget it. Stay here and live.'
Rydell stepped forward, shaking with anger. 'Maybe we aren't hot shots like you, Ravensmith. Experts at everything from bug mating to killing with an eyelash, but we were willing to go. We aren't children and we aren't stupid. We know the risks. We're willing to take them. Not for you. But for your wife and child. They deserve the chance your daughter didn't get.'
'You done?' Eric asked.
'Yeah, I'm done.'
He turned to Season. 'Anything you want to add?'
'Yeah, I want to add that you're a son of a bitch.'
'There may be hope for you yet, lady.' He walked away, stopped after half a dozen steps. Without turning around he spoke. 'We leave at first light. Bring your weapons, canteens, food, and the usual survival gear you've all been instructed on.' He turned and faced them. 'One other thing we should get straight up front. The only reason I'm taking you is because I might be able to use you. And I mean use. I don't care about your lives, only how they might help me save my family. If it means sacrificing one or both of you, I'll do it. I'll treat you like any other piece of expendable equipment.' He paused. 'See the two of you at 0500. If you decide not to show up, you've got more brains than I give you credit for.'
'See you then,' Tag Hallahan said.
'Don't look at me,' Molly said. 'I don't go in for mass hysteria. I'll be sleeping at 0500, 0600 and all the 0- hundreds I can manage.'
'Smart girl,' Eric said and walked away.
Trevor Graumann stood in the dim morning light in a heavy cardigan sweater, his pipe stem clattering between his teeth. The sky was already laced with the first bright tendrils of morning, and he found the orange color oddly cheering.
He yawned, almost dropping his pipe. He'd been, up until only a few hours ago, trying to talk some sense into Eric. Failing that he argued with the three others who were going with him. Only the pretty little Chinese girl, Molly Sing, had taken his side and tried to talk them out of it. But to no avail. They were filled with the stubbornness of youth, giddy with the idea of an adventure, a quest, a search for the Holy Grail.
The worst part was that somewhere, deep down inside, Trevor Graumann wished he were going too.
He had not seen Jennifer, but he'd heard the gory description of what had happened. He knew Eric had no choice, being the kind of man he was. But he also recognized the hardening of soul he'd put himself through to be able to do it. This too was dangerous. To become the very thing you hate is easier than returning again.
He shook his old head, rubbed his stubbled chin. He had other worries now, the elections, defense. Without Joan and Eric, things would be much more difficult here. But they would manage somehow. The way people have always managed. With a little courage and a lot of luck.
He looked at his watch. Almost five o'clock.
Trevor saw Eric strolling toward the gate now and for a moment he considered forcing Eric to stay, turning the guards on him. But that idea passed quickly. None of the guards was any match for Eric. Especially now. He even walked differently than before, his step more purposeful, his gait determined. Somehow he even looked bigger.
From the gymnasium came the other three, Rydell leading them. Season and Tag flanking him. Their pace was brisk, excited, practically twitching.
They all converged on him at once.
'I won't insult you with any more appeals to logic,' Trevor said, 'because it wouldn't do any good. Would it?'
'No, sir,' Rydell said.
Eric looked out through the gate. His voice was solemn. 'Let's go.'
Trevor stood in front of Eric, held out his hand. Eric looked confused a moment, then took the hand in his to shake. Eric hadn't realized how cold his own hand was until he'd felt Trevor's warm flesh.
Suddenly Trevor pulled Eric close to him with a hug. 'Like a son,' he mumbled. 'Like a son.'
Eric resisted the contact for a moment, then responded with a hug of his own. Only to get it over with, he told himself, to get the old man aside. But he felt a tug at his heart as he looked at Trevor's kind face. Then it was gone. The ice formed over his skin again, his heart numbed.
'We're going through,' Eric called to the two guards posted near the gate. Both nodded, waved encouragement.
'Wait, damn it,' Molly's voice hollered as she pattered toward them, shifting her bow and holding her jiggling arrows. 'It isn't easy looking this good so early, you know.' She glanced at Rydell who was smiling broadly, then at Eric, whose face showed a faint flicker of pleasure. 'Okay, okay,' she said to him. 'I'm not as smart as either of us thought.'
'Then that's something we all have in common,' Eric nodded. 'Let's go.'
One at a time they hunched through the narrow opening in the barbed wire and continued single file down the street. None of them dared look back.
Book Three: PARADISE
Without hope we live in desire.
