often gave voices to the objects he was about to steal. This, he knew, would sound a little crazy to the rest of the world, but he spent a lot of time on his own and he needed someone to talk to.
Come on, Mister Handsome Dwarf, said one of the charges in a breathy falsetto.
I’m waiting. I don’t like it here, you know. Please rescue me.
Very well, Madame, thought Mulch, taking the bag from inside his shirt. I’ll take you, but we’re not going very far.
Me too, said the other charge. I want to go too.
Don’t worry, ladies. Where you’re going, there’s plenty of room for both of you.
When Mulch Diggums crept out through the torn seal a minute later, the charges were no longer on the chair. In their place was a small hand-held communicator.
The three pixies sat quietly in the stealth shuttle’s cockpit. One was concentrating on the transport craft that was hovering two hundred metres off their bows. The other two were concentrating on not passing wind and not thinking about not passing wind.
The transport shuttle’s side entrance opened and something winked in the morning light as it tumbled earthwards. Seconds later, the something exploded, rocking the stealth shuttle on its suspension bags.
The Brill brothers gasped, and Opal cuffed them both on the ear.
Opal was not worried. They were searching. Shooting in the dark, or very close to it. Maybe in thirty minutes there would be enough light to see the ship with the naked eye, but until then they were blending very nicely into the surrounding countryside, thanks to a hull made from stealth ore and cam foil. Fowl must have guessed where they were because of this chute’s proximity to the probe. But all he had was an approximation. Of course, it would be delightful to blast them out of the air, but plasma bursts would light up Foaly’s satellite scanners and paint a bullseye on their hull.
She plucked a digi-pad and pen from the dash and scrawled a message on it.
Stay quiet and calm. Even if one of those charges hits us, it will not penetrate the hull.
Mervall took the pad. Maybe we should leave. Mud Men will be coming.
Opal wrote a response. Dear Mervall, please don’t start thinking — you will hurt your head. We wait until they leave. At this close range, they could actually hear our engines starting.
Another explosion rocked the stealth shuttle. Opal felt a bead of sweat roll down her forehead. This was ridiculous, she didn’t perspire — certainly not in front of the help. In five minutes, the humans would come to investigate; it was their nature. So she would wait five minutes, then try to slip past the LEP shuttle, and if she couldn’t slip past, then she would blast them out of the sky and take her chances with the supersonic shuttle that would no doubt come to investigate.
More grenades dropped from the LEP craft, but they were further away now and the Shockwaves barely caused a shudder in the stealth shuttle. This went on for two or three minutes without the remotest danger to Opal or the Brills, then suddenly the transport shuttle sealed its door and peeled away, back down the chute.
‘Hmm,’ said Opal. ‘Surprising.’
‘Maybe they ran out of ammunition,’ offered Merv, though he knew that Opal would punish him for offering an opinion.
‘Is that what you think, Mervall? They ran out of explosives and so they decided just to let us go. Do you really imagine that to be true, you imbecilic excuse for a sentient being? Don’t you have any frontal lobes?’
‘I was just playing devil’s advocate,’ mumbled Merv weakly.
Opal rose from her seat, waving a hand at each Brill brother. ‘Just shut up. I need to talk to myself for a minute.’ She paced the narrow cockpit. ‘What’s going on here?
They track us to the chute, then put on a big fireworks display, then leave. Just like that.
Why? Why?’ She rubbed both temples with her knuckles. ‘Think.’ Suddenly Opal remembered something. ‘Last night. A shuttle was stolen in E1. We heard about it on the police band. Who stole it?’
Scant shrugged. ‘I dunno. Some dwarf. Is it important?’
‘That’s right. A dwarf. And wasn’t there a dwarf involved in the Artemis Fowl siege? And weren’t there rumours of that same dwarf helping Julius to break into Koboi labs?’
‘Rumours. No actual evidence.’
Opal turned on Scant. ‘Maybe that’s because, unlike you, this dwarf is smart.
Maybe he doesn’t want to be caught.’ The pixie took a moment to join the dots. ‘So they have a dwarf burglar, a shuttle and explosives. Short must know that those pathetic grenades can’t penetrate our hull, so why drop them? Unless…’
The truth hit her like a physical blow in the stomach.
‘Oh no,’ she gasped. ‘Distraction. We sat here like fools, watching the pretty lights. And all the time…’
She heaved Scant aside and rushed past him to the lounge.
‘The charges,’ she shrieked. ‘Where are they?’
Scant went straight to the chair. ‘Don’t worry, Miss Koboi, they’re right —’ He stopped, the sentence’s final word stuck in his throat. ‘I, ah, they were right there. In the chair.’
Opal picked up the small hand-held radio. ‘They’re toying with me. Tell me you put the back-up somewhere safe.’
‘No,’ said Scant miserably. ‘They were together.’
Merv pushed past him into the cargo bay. ‘The engine compartment is open.’ He stuck his head through the hatch. His voice wafted up, muffled by the floor panels. ‘The battery rod seal has been ripped apart. And there are footprints. Someone came in through here.’
Opal threw back her head and screamed. She held it for a long time for such a small individual. Finally her breath ran out.
‘Follow the shuttle,’ she gasped, when her wind returned. ‘I modified those charges myself and they cannot be disarmed. We can still detonate. At the very least we will destroy my enemies.’
‘Yes, Miss Koboi,’ said Merv and Scant together.
‘Don’t look at me,’ howled Opal.
The Brill brothers fled to the cockpit, trying to simultaneously bow, look at their feet, not think anything dangerous and, above all, not pass wind.
Mulch was waiting at the rendezvous site when the LEP shuttle arrived. Butler opened the door and hauled the dwarf in by the collar.
‘Did you get it?’ asked Artemis anxiously.
Mulch passed him the bulging bag. ‘Right here! And before you ask, I left the radio.’
‘So everything went according to plan?’
‘Completely,’ replied Mulch, neglecting to mention the diamond nestling in his stomach wall.
‘Excellent,’ said Artemis, striding past the dwarf to the cockpit.
‘Go,’ he shouted, thumping Holly’s headrest.
Holly already had the shuttle ticking over and was holding it with the brake.
‘We’re gone,’ she said, releasing the brake and flooring the throttle. The LEP craft bolted out of the rocky outcrop like a pebble from a catapult.
Artemis’s legs were dragged from the floor, flapping behind him like windsocks.
The rest of him would have followed if he hadn’t held on to the headrest.
‘How much time do we have?’ Holly asked through lips rippled by G-force.
Artemis pulled himself into the passenger seat. ‘Minutes. The orebody will hit a depth of one hunded and six miles in precisely a quarter of an hour. Opal will be after us any second.’
Holly shadowed the chute wall, spinning between two towers of rock. The lower portion of E7 was quite straight, but this stretch corkscrewed through the crust, following the cracks in the plates.
‘Is this going to work, Artemis?’ said Holly.
Artemis pondered the question. ‘I considered eight plans, and this was the best one. Even so, we have a sixty-four per cent chance of success. The key is to keep Opal distracted so she doesn’t discover the truth. That’s up to you, Holly. Can you do it?’
Holly wrapped her fingers round the wheel. ‘Don’t worry. It’s not often I get a chance to do some fancy flying. Opal will be so busy trying to catch us, she won’t have time to consider anything else.’
Artemis looked out through the windscreen. They were pointing straight down, towards the centre of the
