I cringed, it not being something I was real proud of now.
'It says here that you earned a bachelor's and a master's degree in six years total, top of your class, passed the CPA exam the first time. National Honor Society,' Julie continued.
After coming within a couple heartbeats of ending another fighter's life, I had devoted myself to being as boring as possible, no more pushing the limits, nothing but normal. And what was more normal than an accountant?
'You speak five languages fluently, mostly because of your extremely varied family background, and know enough to get by in several others. Your psychological profile says that you're a pathological overachiever with severe overcompensating tendencies as a result of your relationship with your father, and the fact that you were always the picked-on fat kid while growing up.'
'Does it actually say 'fat kid'?' I asked in total bewilderment.
'Actually it says it in some sort of psychological mumbo-jumbo about body image and self-esteem, but I'm just paraphrasing.'
'I wasn't fat. I was big-boned.' I leaned back in my chair and rubbed my temples. I was amazed that all of this was from some government database. Chalk up a few more points for my antiauthoritarian side.
'Look, Owen, you're not a normal person; none of us are normal, either. MHI is a family business, my family. My great-great-granddad founded the company, five generations of Hunters. You haven't seen weird until you've met my family, so don't feel bad.' Julie patted my knee. She touched me! I perked right up.
'We're not looking for normal people. Normal people scream and run and get eaten. You have to be a little different to do the kind of stuff that we do. I mean, heck, looking at your shooting scores, I've been shooting pistols since I was a little kid, and your classifications blow mine away. Your National Match rifle scores are equal to mine, and I'm the team sharpshooter.'
As Julie said this I realized that I had in fact met the woman of my dreams. Attractive, smart, and a shooter? Wow.
'I don't know. I don't have any experience with this kind of thing. Aren't you better off with soldiers or Marines or Navy SEALs and stuff like that? My gosh, I'm an office dweeb.'
Harbinger answered this time. 'We have all of those, and we also have former truck drivers, school teachers, farmers, doctors, a priest and a stripper, and pretty much anything else you can think of. It comes down to finding people who don't have a problem coping with weirdness. The best Hunters are people whose minds are… flexible.'
'Well… the pay seems good,' I said as I held up the check.
'Keep in mind that was for you on a solo bounty. When you work with a team you share bounties with the team, and the company. However, people who try monster hunting as individuals usually get real dead, real quick. Working with backup is the only way to stay alive. But with the amount of business that we do, the pay's good,' Harbinger said.
'How good?'
Harbinger shrugged. 'We have a real problem with our experienced people retiring and buying small countries.'
'I'm guessing it's dangerous?'
Julie shrugged. 'I won't lie to you. It's super dangerous. Our job is to go head to head with the forces of evil. We lose a lot of people, but with well trained groups that work together as a team, we do better than any other group of Hunters, and that includes the Feds.'
I sat silently in thought. My visitors didn't say anything for a moment. Finally Julie tried one last thing.
'Look, I'm going to tell you the truth. We have the most insane job in the world, many of us die young, and sometimes in really horrible ways. But this is the best job there is. It's never boring, and you get to do something really worthwhile. We're the pros, the go-to people when all hell's broken loose. When the situation is totally hosed, we're the ones they call. We do the job that nobody else can do, and we do it good.' She said this with deep and sincere emotion. Julie obviously had a passion for her work.
I absently rubbed my facial scar. A random thought popped into my mind and I instantly muttered it under my breath.
'What was that?' asked Julie.
'A calling. Is hard, but is good.'
'What does that mean?'
'I don't know, just something an old man said to me once. Short straw.' I thought about the strange dream that I had had in the hospital. Had it happened while I was technically dead?
'Huh?'
'Never mind.' I had to admit, I was interested in what they had been telling me, and I was a real chump when it came to a pretty girl, especially one who was smart, and into guns, to boot.
This was crazy. I had spent the last few years trying to be average just for once, until my boss had tried to have me for dinner and life had pulled the rug out from under me. The smart thing to do would be to push this whole incident to the back of my mind, and forget it ever happened.
But I did need a job, and Owen Z. Pitt, Monster Hunter, had a certain ring to it.
Ah, what the hell.
'Tell you what, Mr. Harbinger, Ms. Shackleford. I'm going to go down to the bank and try to deposit this check. If it's real, and I don't get arrested for trying to pass a make-believe check, I'm going to believe everything that you said. I'm in, on two conditions.'
They waited for my terms. I paused as I screwed up my courage.
'If at any time I think this job is totally insane, I'm out of there. No questions, no ifs, ands, or buts. Don't think I'm kidding either. I've been shafted already, and I'm not going to do that again. You screw with me in any way, shape, or form and you can color me gone.'
'We wouldn't have it any other way,' Julie said. 'And what else?'
'You, uh… need to have dinner with me tonight,' I stammered, surprising myself with my own courage. There you go, Casanova. I had no idea why I had said that, it had just kind of popped out.
Julie looked momentarily taken aback. I could not tell from her reaction if she was flattered or insulted by my lame attempt to ask her out. Earl rolled his eyes.
'I guess you ain't talking about me,' he said.
'No, I… uh… well, I just thought, you know…' It wasn't exactly poetry.
She did not respond immediately. I think I took her by surprise. I knew that surprise was good in war, but it wasn't necessarily what I was going for here. I have never been very good with women. Actually, that's an understatement. I turn into a bumbling incompetent oaf around them.
'Was that a lame attempt to ask me out?' she queried. 'It's usually considered bad form to do that in what is basically a job interview.'
'Well, I just wanted to… maybe ask some questions. About, you know-'
Earl cut me off. 'There's some more business that I need to conduct anyway. I've got to go. Julie can fill you in on the rest of the details.' He stood up. 'You kids have fun.'
'Earl, wait a second, what about…' Julie started to stand. My heart lurched. Had I offended her?
'Julie, you know what I'm talking about. You know what tonight is. Stick around. Fill Owen in on the details of our operation.' He adjusted his bomber jacket.
She slowly slid back down the couch. Way to go, Earl! I thought happily. Harbinger made as if to leave. I tried to grab my crutch so I could stand to see him out.
'Not necessary,' he said as he shook my hand. 'I look forward to working with you.'
'Me too,' I responded before wincing at the amazing strength in the man's fingers as he easily crushed my much larger hand. He was far stronger than he appeared. I tried not to visibly show how much pain he was inflicting. He bent down and spoke low enough in my ear that Julie couldn't hear.
'That took guts, but be a gentleman with her, or I'll be displeased,' he whispered. I had no doubt that his displeasure would somehow involve me becoming seriously injured.
I nodded. He let go, grinned evilly and patted me on the back, before swiftly leaving.
Julie Shackleford sat on my bargain basement furniture in my rundown apartment in a bad part of town and examined me quizzically. I had no idea what she was thinking. It was an awkward moment.
