'You've been fortunate I think,' Caesar offered from his long experience of inspecting many a wound, from the slightest surface scratch to the most abject butchery. 'It's shallow, an incision not a score, so it will heal quickly if the physician keeps it closed and clean. He knows his trade, that physician of the Herodes family. But the slice will leave a definite scar on your features, Antinous. It's a shame to see such pristine flesh marred by an everyday reality. Is this your first war wound, lad? I'm certain it won't be your last.'
Antinous already knew how Hadrian carried a dozen wounds of varying magnitudes on his frame, including a visible scar across his forehead which was never depicted on the many life-sized statues of him in public squares.
Caesar's proximity to Antinous drew their eyes together. A silent message passed between them. Caesar coughed mildly and drew back. He turned to the two Horse Guards swallowing their wine.
'You are dismissed for the night, men. Scorilo, ensure an exchange of watch covers this villa in the usual way, I'll be staying here overnight,' he instructed. 'On your return to the Household villa inform Geta and the Chamberlain of my intention. Tell Geta to collect me here at first light. No later, Scorilo. It's a busy schedule tomorrow.'
Antinous gulped. This was unexpected. Was he prepared for an overnight assignation? It had been some hours since he last washed and spruced. After an evening's Dionysian partying was he sweet smelling enough for an impromptu encounter? Especially, he contemplated, one likely to negotiate the physical terms of a liaison which could confirm or refute its viability?
He recalled he still owed a bodily debt to Hadrian, and perhaps now was the time that debt would be called in? This was a daunting prospect.
The two guardsmen saluted and withdrew. Herodes' steward became apprehensive.
'My Lord, you will be sleeping at this house tonight?!' he asked in escalating panic. 'We are not prepared to a suitable standard for such a great honor! My master will be dismayed, great sir!'
'Yes, I'll be sleeping here. I've slept in far less comfortable places, I assure you. Bring cushions, rugs, and lamps. More wine too. And some fruit.'
'Certainly, Excellency!'
'And then go back to your bed and give us some privacy, fellow.'
After a few moments of frenetic activity delivering the necessities, the steward drew together the four hinged leaves of the cedar shutters of the andron.
Hadrian and Antinous were alone at last.
'You told me earlier today you are now mine? Explain yourself.'
'It is so, Caesar, if it is your wish,' Antinous replied nervously, bowing his head politely. 'It was as I promised five months ago at Nicomedia. I keep my promises.'
'Yes, you held to your oath, Ant. I am impressed. Take note, I will call you 'Ant' when we are together, as I am told your intimates do,' Caesar proposed. 'Tell me about your relationship with Lysias of Bithynia. Are you lovers? Are you an erastes and eromenos?'
'No, no, my lord! By Apollo, we are good friends, childhood friends. We know each other well and respect each other. We were raised together, and our fathers were friends before us,' Antinous explained.
'Do you sleep together or have sex together?' Caesar asked.
Antinous thought this an odd query well beyond personal familiarity.
'We've slept side-by-side, body-to-body together very often since childhood during sleepovers and on hunts or militia bivouacs, like most boys do. Just as we wrestle body-to-body at the palaestra. These things occur between friends. But it's only recently that we've sported together once or twice, and then only to give quick relief to our urges. But in matters of Eros our tastes are dissimilar. To start with, I don't think either of us finds our own generation appealing, as most of our friends do,' Antinous explained.
'Tell me, Ant, what do you mean by 'you are mine'? What is it you want? What is your motive in submitting to my gestures at Nicomedia? Were you simply obeying my command? Do I intimidate you? Are you afraid of me as Caesar? Explain yourself. There are those in my retinue who suspect you,' Caesar declared. 'They say I should whip you to reveal your true motives.'
'What do I want? If you forgive me sir, I wish to deliver myself entirely into your intimate regard. Do you intimidate me? No, you have shown me a generosity which dispels all such fear. It is as you explained in the moonlight at Nicomedia. I will conform to your will as your eromenos, sir, your student of life. I hope to spend my final education in your company and under your patronage and tutelage, sir, just as you yourself proposed on that remarkable night.'
Hadrian eyed the sturdy meirakion before him with hesitancy. Antinous continued.
'May I speak freely, sir? I've never known a man of such substance before, my lord. Not only as Great Caesar, which is remarkable enough, but as a man who understands the nature of the world and men's ways so completely. I am overjoyed to be shown respect and friendliness by such a noble presence, my lord,' Antinous uttered breathily. 'I am amazed at my good fortune. I am certain I am not worthy of it.'
'But in what way are you mine?' Caesar persisted in cool precision.
'What little I am, sir, is entirely yours,' Antinous responded, 'in body, heart, and spirit. I wish to engage fully with your person in all its dimensions, wherever they lead, within my status. My arete is yours to mold.
If it's a respectful companion, a page, a squire, or your cupbearer you seek, I am eager to comply. I am yours to forge.
If it's Eros you desire, sir, my being and my body are entirely at your disposal. Your gesture to me of sexual satisfaction at Nicomedia was as a lightning bolt to me that night. I had never been so intoxicated in another's company previously, my lord. I was powerfully turned on by the occasion. Is this a fault or failing?
However, sir, if it's a lover you seek, as you told me under the cloudy stars that night, then you should know how I too am seeking a companion in life. I too crave closeness with someone special in my eyes. It amazes me how the one person in the world whose very presence stirs my emotions so dramatically appears to return a similar favor to me.
I cannot say I know what love is, sir, but I find I am swept with sensations of which I have no previous understanding. I ache with needs I have no control over. Do I speak out of order, sir? Is this childish talk unworthy of an eromenos?'
'Indeed, you speak with remarkable lucidity. Your command of ideas is excellent, Ant. But I still wonder at your motives, or those of others behind you.'
Antinous's voice lowered.
'Sir, the day of the Hunt when you knifed the boar which threatened my safety and then patiently unfurled my fingers from the impaled lance, was a day of revelation to me,' Antinous murmured softly. 'No one before in my life has taken the trouble to combat such a threat on my behalf, and then follow with equally gracious attention to my fears and excitement.
You might not believe it to be true, sir, but I ejaculated spontaneously beneath my tunic as you unwound my hands from the lance's shaft. I came excitedly without control, my bloodstream was so surging, so enthralled. My tunic was stained, though I managed to hide it from everyone I hope.
Later unexpectedly that same night when again you aroused my horniness beneath the moonlight, I felt myself falling headlong into an abyss of excitement. It was a driven urge I had not experienced previously. Am I being irrational, my lord? Is this foolishness? Does this offend? My body's sensations are seriously in debt to your goodwill and touch.'
Hadrian smiled calmly.
'Did the physician provide you a nostrum to ingest, Ant?' he asked. 'Your tongue is loosened charmingly.'
Antinous shook his head.
'No, my lord, only wine. I always speak from the heart, or else I don't speak at all.'
Hadrian was moved to act. There had been enough talk.
'I am told, Ant, how it is traditional for an erastes to confirm his homage to an eromenos by gifting a token of his intentions? A weapon or other small gesture is the custom I'm told.'
'You have already supplied fine gifts in the form of treasures and our Latin tutor, Thais of Cyrene,' Antinous reminded his company. 'These have been extremely adequate tokens, sir, without par.'
'That's so, Ant. However I'm reliably informed it's also the custom to offer a catch of game, such as a hare or wild fowl, as proof of an erastes' skills as a provider. It's usually something edible or life sustaining, a leftover from
