and then he fell sideways and lay on the floor. His body shook for some time. I stood there and watched him until he stopped.
Ricardo stirred.
I let fly with a mighty kick to his chest and he went still. I leaned down, pressed the pillow against the side of his head, and shot him through the temple.
An hour and a half later I stood in my bedroom looking down at the sleeping forms of my wife and my children. I leaned forward and kissed them – all three in turn – gently on their foreheads. I held my breath. I did not wish to make a sound that might wake them.
I left the room. I walked downstairs. I washed my hands and face at the kitchen sink, and then I sat for a while in the darkness smoking a cigarette. When I was done I went through to the front and lay down on the sofa. I fell asleep there, slept like the dead, and when Angelina woke me it was gone seven in the morning. I was still fully dressed apart from my jacket and shoes.
‘Come and have breakfast with us,’ she said quietly. She leaned down and kissed me. I rose and stood for a moment, and then I placed my arms around her and pulled her tight.
In the kitchen the TV was playing silently. I said nothing when Richard Ricardo’s face appeared on the screen, and also the face of his friend Leonard. I made no sound, I didn’t even flinch, and when the anchorwoman reappeared I reached out and switched it off.
I ate my breakfast. I talked to my children even though I knew they could not understand a word I said. I felt unsettled, anxious. I did not feel good.
An hour or so later, having shaved and showered, and dressed in a clean shirt and a different suit, I left my house and walked three blocks to a diner. There I sat in silence, and with a cup of coffee in front of me and a cigarette in my hand, I watched people as they walked by the window and out into their lives.
Two of those lives were closed last night. Two of those lives – people of whom I knew nothing – were terminally closed. I did not question what I had done, nor why I had done it. I was asked to do something and I complied. This was the way of my world; the only world I knew.
It was the following day that I saw the newspaper. It was a day old, lying there innocuously on a chair at the back of Michael Cova’s cousin’s barbershop where I had stopped to have a haircut. I picked it up and turned it to the front page.
TWO SLAIN IN BRUTAL HOLLYWOOD MURDER
Son of Los Angeles Deputy Mayor shot
My breath stopped for a moment.
I looked at the images of the two men I had killed in the apartment.
Last night, in Hollywood, the son of Deputy Mayor John Alexander was murdered in a double slaying that has rocked the city of Los Angeles. Leonard Alexander, 22, was found murdered at the home of well-known celebrity fashion designer Richard Ricardo. Police Chief Karl Erickson was present at the scene, and made the following statement-
I read no further. I closed the paper and tossed it back onto the chair.
I got up and left the barbershop, walked two blocks with no particular purpose in mind, and then I turned around and retraced my steps.
For the first time in my life I imagined people were looking at me.
I found a phone booth on the next junction, and I called long distance to New York. I reached Ten Cent with no difficulty.
‘Ernesto?’ he said, surprise evident in his voice.
‘You heard what happened?’
‘I did, yes… is there a problem?’
‘A problem? The other man was the son of the Los Angeles deputy mayor.’
There was silence at the other end of the line.
‘Ten Cent?’
‘I’m here, Ernesto.’
‘You heard what I said?’
‘Yes, I heard you… what’s the problem? Did someone see you at the building?’
‘No, no-one saw me at the building. Of course they didn’t. But the kid was the son of the deputy mayor. They won’t let this thing lie down.’
‘We know, we know Ernesto… but don’t worry.’
‘Don’t worry? Whaddya mean?’
‘We’re gonna take you out and send you someplace safe.’
‘Take me out?’
Ten Cent laughed. ‘Take you out… yes, take you out of LA, not
‘He is upset about the other man?’
Ten Cent laughed again. ‘Upset? He’s as happy as I’ve ever seen him. You know what he said?… he said, “Two assholes for the price of one”. That’s what he said.’
I was quiet for a moment.
‘Ernesto?’
‘Yes.’
‘It’s gonna be okay… I ain’t never heard you scared before. It’s gonna be fine… we’ll have you outta there just as soon as Don Calligaris figures out where to put you. You sit tight. Do nothing, say nothing… we’re gonna make it right, okay?’
‘Okay, okay… don’t let me down.’
‘I give you my word, Ernesto. You’re as much family as anyone else.’
I closed my eyes, I breathed deeply, I said ‘Okay’, and then I hung up the phone.
I walked home like a man lost. I walked home scared. Ten Cent had been right; this was a new feeling, and the feeling was difficult to comprehend.
It came back to family. Now there wasn’t just me, now I was a responsible man, a man who carried the burden of a wife and children, carried it willingly, yes, there was no question about that, but it made everything so different.
Angel was waiting when I arrived home.
‘The children are asleep,’ she said, and then she turned and walked through to the kitchen. It was obvious she wished me to follow her, and I did without question.
I sat at the table while she made coffee. I smoked a cigarette, something I had refrained from doing at home since the children had been there, but in that moment there was a sense of nausea and tension within me that it was hard to assuage.
Angelina placed the coffee in front of me and sat opposite.
She reached out and took my hand. She held it for a moment, and then she looked directly at me and smiled.
‘Something has changed, hasn’t it?’ she asked.
I nodded but did not speak.
‘I’m not going to ask about it, Ernesto… I trust you, always have done, and I know you wouldn’t have done something unless there had been a very good reason for it. But I am not crazy, and I am not stupid, and I understand enough about the way our family is to know that whatever might have happened it isn’t something you will talk about.’
I opened my mouth to speak.
‘No, Ernesto, you will listen to what I have to say.’
I closed my mouth and looked down at the table.
‘Whatever this thing is,’ she said, ‘I want you to tell me if it has endangered the lives of our children.’
I shook my head. ‘No Angelina, it has not.’
‘You would not lie to me Ernesto, I know that, but this time I am going to ask you to give me an answer, and
