nursing myself up to then and had been too busy to do it right. So I started with that.
'Out there I told those guys I was the captain,' I said, 'but this is the real captain. He got hit in the head, and he's been out ever since. I've tried to get him to drink, but I can't. Maybe you can, and I want you to try. Keep him warm and clean, and stand by. That's about all you can do. How did you know my name?'
'He will die, I think.' The boy's voice was so soft then that I ought to have known right off. I did not, and I am not going to lie about it. Or about anything else here. I have told a lot of lies in my life, mostly because I had to. I never have liked it or really gotten used to it. I have met people who did it all the time, as natural as breathing. Maybe that is good, at least for them. But I have never wanted to be one of them.
'You are the captain' was one of the things the boy said to me. At least I still thought he was a boy when she said it.
'I'm acting captain,' I told him. 'This is the real captain, like I said, and as soon as we can we'll get him to a doctor.'
'I knew you would be a captain when I found you.'
That got me thinking, and after a minute I said, 'You're somebody I met in Port Royal, right? How come we're talking Spanish?'
She laughed, and my jaw dropped.
'My laugh betrays me, I know. This is the first time I have laughed since putting on men's clothing. Would you like to take away my shirt?'
I did not say anything, just reached over and pulled off her cap. I expected a lot of long hair to fall out, the way it would have done on TV. So that was one of the really dumb things I have done. Her long, shining hair was braided in back-one thick black braid that did not quite reach her waist. A lot of sailors wear their hair like that.
'I will not undress for you until I have bathed. But do you not recall Coruna?'
I guess I gulped. I know it took me a minute to catch my breath. 'Estrellita! You're Estrellita!'
She did not answer, just kissed me. After that I usually called her Novia. It means sweetheart. That is what I am going to call her here. When we were through kissing, I left her in the cabin with Melind and went up on deck. Shore people use gallons and gallons of fresh water for a bath, twenty or thirty liters, maybe. Enough to fill a small bowl twice is what it really takes, and there was plenty of water in the captain's cabin-soap, a sponge, and more. I showed her where everything was and heard her bar the door behind me.
We did not have many real sailors, like I said before. Besides me, there were only three who were really good, three men who had been in my piragua. I got them together, asked how old each of them was, and made the oldest first mate. The next oldest was second mate, and the youngest third mate. My second mate could not read or write, so I got another man who could to help him with the logbook when he was on watch. I told him and the men that he was quartermaster, and the second mate-his name was Jarden-would teach him how to steer while they were on watch. A quartermaster ought to know how to steer.
Then I sat them all down and said, 'This ship is a lot slower than she looks. Why aren't we making more speed?'
It had to be because the bottom was foul-they all agreed on that.
'Okay. We've got two choices, the way I see it. We can go to Port Royal or someplace else like that, put her in dry dock, and pay somebody to scrape her and tar her again. There's two problems with that approach. One is that we don't have the money, and the other is that we're liable to lose half our crew while we're getting it scraped and tarred. Anybody want to argue?'
Nobody did, or at least not much.
'We could fix it by knocking over a few Spanish ships first. That would be swell. Pay the crew a lot of money, and they'll have fun instead of hooking up with somebody else. We can pay for the work on the ship, too. Or maybe we take a ship we like better with a clean bottom, though I wouldn't bet on that one. The problem is that to take a ship we've got to find one and catch it, and we'd need a fast ship to do it.'
Rombeau said, 'We must scrape and tar it ourselves, Captain. We have plenty of men.' He was my lieutenant, and when he said that, I knew I had picked the right guy.
I nodded. 'That's what I was getting at. Has anybody here ever done it? I haven't.'
Nobody else had either. So we got to talking about ways we might be able to do it, and after an hour or so we came up with a pretty good plan. NOVIA AND I were not really alone that night; Melind was there, too, but he could not see or hear us. She had opened all the windows, and the wind was soft and carried the smell of flowers on some island far away. I blew out the lantern-moonlight and starlight were plenty for us. We must have kissed a thousand times, but I cannot remember hardly anything we said. She said I must have had a lot of women, I do remember that, and I told her the truth- that I had never done it with even one. She called me a liar, but she was just teasing me.
She had been with a man before, she said, but only one man. 'Once I loved him. Now I hate him. I would have killed him, Crisoforo, but I was afraid. I was a great coward when I left him.'
And she said, 'I do not want clothes when I am alone with you.' It was not exactly what I had imagined some girl saying in the confessional, but plenty close enough. I DO NOT remember how long it was after that. It could have been the next day, or two or three days after. All I really remember is that I was leaning on the stern rail listening to Jarden teaching the quartermaster how to handle the wheel when one of the men came up and said the boy in the cabin wanted me. I said okay, went down into the cabin, and Melind was dead.
We buried him at sundown, sewing him into a spare hammock and weighting it with a roundshot. Maybe I should not put it in here, but we never did make anybody walk the plank. I never knew pirates to do that and I was one. But when Melind was in his hammock we laid him on a plank, and when we had finished the service (the crew singing a couple of French hymns, me saying the Our Father and Hail Mary in Latin) six men picked up the board, held the foot over the rail, and raised the head so Melind slid off the board into the Caribbean. I cannot forget how I leaned over the rail and watched the water swallow him, clear water at first, then light blue, then darker and darker until I could not see him anymore. Someday I was going to die, too, and I felt like I was watching myself go down. There are worse graves than the one poor Melind got, a lot of them.
But there are no better ones. None at all. May he await his resurrection in peace. God grant him rest is the prayer of his friend.
He was a Norman, big and strong, and pretty close to blond. Not much older than I was back then. He had a smile you wanted to earn, and he could do tricks with his voice, private and friendly one minute and booming out like those speakers on police copters the next. He was a good shot and a real good tracker, and he used to talk about his mother and sister when we had eaten all we wanted and drunk a little wine, and were just sitting around the fire. That is all I know about him. I never even knew his first name.
When the service was over, I told the crew that by the Custom of the Coast we would have an election to pick a new captain. I said we would hold it in the morning so as to give everybody time to think things over.
As soon as I said that, a guy named Yancy piped up. He wanted the election right now, and he wanted everybody to vote for him. I said, no, it was not decent. We ought to be thinking about Melind now, and all of us ought to have a little bit of time to think about who would make the best captain.
He argued until I told him to shut his mouth or I would shut it for him.
Here is one of the places where it is hard for me to be completely honest. I did not really want to be captain, or anyway, not much. There was too much responsibility. If it had not been for the other thing, I could have given in to Yancy pretty easily, or had the crew vote on picking a captain that day like he wanted.
Here is the truth. The other thing was that I wanted to be able to spend the night alone with Novia, who was drawing little pictures of me while she waited for me in the captain's cabin. We had done it quite a bit by that time, but it was still new to me and I was wild to get at her again. It meant we would have to have the cabin or one of the mate's cabins, and I did not want to take the chance that night. So I told Yancy that in the morning would be plenty soon enough. I do not think he liked me anyway, and he sure did not like that. I got my way just the same.
That night, while she and I lay together on the wide bed we had made for ourselves on the floor-two blankets I think we had between us and the boards-I said, 'How did you live on this ship without anybody finding out you were a girl, Estrellita?'
She grinned at me. 'I couldn't be flogged. Men are stripped to the waist for flogging, so I had to be good. I hoped that if they punished me, I would be bent over a gun and beaten as the other boys were. The trousers were
