Illusions

she’s just not the nurturing type. She expects things of me, and one of them is to stay out of trouble. It’s not a bad thing; she has big plans and doesn’t let anyone or anything stand in her way.” There was a small hesitation. “I want to be like that someday,” she added quietly.

“I think you’re already like that,” Tamani said. He got behind her and grabbed the chains of her swing, pulling her carefully to a stop. Then he put one foot on the seat, wedging it between Yuki’s small sandals. Pushing off with his other foot, he stood and started them swinging, pressing his chest against her back. He felt her breath catch. “I worry about you being alone all the time. Dealing with her. She kinda scared me. I didn’t want to tell her I was the one driving.”

Yuki smiled up at him over her shoulder, clearly amused.

He hesitated, trying to time it for best effect. “If anything happens, if you get into trouble — with her, with anyone — will you tell me?”

She looked at him for a long time, their faces only inches apart, before she nodded slowly. “I will,” she whispered.

And for once, Tamani believed her.

Chapter Twenty

AFTER TAMANI DISAPPEARED HALF THE DAY AND ignored her the rest, Laurel got sick of trying to pretend that everything was fine and begged out of her usual study session at David’s house, telling him she needed some alone time. David accepted this stoically and without comment. Perhaps because they had spent the entire weekend either together or on the phone. Or maybe because once Tamani finally did get back, he spent the afternoon fawning over Yuki.

Once home, Laurel dragged her backpack behind her as she climbed the stairs, enjoying the way it thumped, sounding like a petulant child stomping up the steps. Come to think of it, she was feeling a little petulant. Tamani must have doped Ryan, even though he knew Laurel wouldn’t approve. And he had to know she knew. It was the only logical reason for him to ignore her like he had today.

She was not mad that Yuki had a crush on Tamani. That was his problem.

Laurel swung her bedroom door open and bit off a scream. Tamani was sitting on her window seat, a silver knife dancing an elaborate jig across his fingers.

“You scared me!” she said accusingly.

Tamani shrugged. “Sorry,” he said, the knife disappearing into his clothes somewhere.

Laurel pursed her lips and turned away, pretending to dig through her backpack. She heard him sigh as he stood.

“I am sorry,” he said, standing close behind her. “I didn’t mean to scare you. You weren’t here when I arrived. So… I let myself in.”

“It was locked!” Laurel said. She had turned her key into the deadbolt not thirty seconds ago.

“Human locks? Please,” Tamani said. “May as well leave the door open.”

“You really shouldn’t be in here without permission,” she muttered, refusing to give up her anger so easily.

“I apologize. Again,” he said, the tiniest hint of tension entering his tone. “I hardly ever come in here unless I need to deliver something like”—he gestured almost aimlessly toward her table—“you know. It’s not like I stalk you or peek in your windows or anything.”

“Good.” But she couldn’t think of anything else to say. So she grabbed the only homework she had — a Speech assignment she hadn’t planned on even looking at until after dinner — and sat at her desk, pretending to read it.

“Are you upset?” Tamani asked.

“Am I upset?” Laurel asked, slamming her hands down on the desk and turning to face him. “Are you kidding me? You ignored me all weekend, picked a fight with David in the hall, drugged Ryan, and had stupid Yuki hanging all over you every chance she got. I’m not ‘upset,’ Tamani, I’m mad!”

“Drugged Ryan? What happened to Ryan?”

Laurel held up a hand. “Don’t even try the innocent act on me. I am so sick of it.”

“What happened to Ryan?” Tamani repeated.

Now Laurel threw both hands in the air. “Someone hit him with a memory potion. There’s a twelve-hour block he just simply doesn’t remember. Convenient, isn’t it?”

“Actually, yes,” Tamani said.

“I knew it,” Laurel said. “I knew it! I told you never to use those potions on my family and friends again. I was very specific!”

Tamani just stood silently, looking at her.

“But no,” Laurel ranted on, feeling as though something had burst inside her and now that everything had started coming out, she couldn’t stop it. “No, you have to be Tamani with the plan. Tamani manipulating the stupid worthless humans. Tamani going behind my back and lying to me!”

He met her gaze and held it until it was she who had to look away. “You’re not even going to ask?”

“Ask what?”

“If I did it.”

Laurel rolled her eyes. “Did you do it?” she asked, more to placate him than anything.

“No.”

She hesitated only a moment. “Did one of your sentries do it?”

“Not as far as I know. And if they did, it was a violation of a direct order and I will see them relieved of their position here and sent right back to Orick.”

She looked up at him in shock now. His voice was too firm, too steady. He wasn’t lying. Mortification washed over her. “Really?” she asked softly.

“Really.”

She sank down into her chair, feeling the grudge she’d been nursing all day start to melt.

“I suppose I should be used to it by now,” he said quietly.

“What?” Laurel asked, not sure she wanted to hear the answer.

“The way you still don’t trust me.”

“I trust you,” Laurel countered, but Tamani just shook his head.

“No, you don’t,” he said, laughing bitterly. “You have confidence in me; in my abilities. If you’re in trouble, you know I’ll save you. That’s not the same as trust. If you trusted me you’d have at least asked me before assuming I was guilty.”

“I should have asked,” Laurel blurted, feeling unbearably small. But he wasn’t looking at her now; he was staring out the window. “I was going to ask, but you were avoiding me! What was I supposed to think?” She stood and walked over to him, willing him to turn around and look at her. “I’m sorry,” she finally whispered to his back.

“I know,” he said with a heavy sigh. Nothing more.

She laid a hand on his shoulder and tugged. “Look at me.”

He turned and when he met her gaze, she wished he hadn’t. Pain radiated from his face — pain and betrayal. He placed his hand over hers and the pain turned to longing.

Desperate to be looking anywhere but Tamani’s eyes, Laurel studied the hand covering hers, at once so familiar and so foreign. Tamani’s hands weren’t like David’s, thick and strong. They weren’t much bigger than Laurel’s own, with long, slender fingers and perfectly shaped nails. She spread her hand under his, moving ever so slightly to allow his fingers to fall into the hollows between hers. She could feel Tamani’s eyes on her as she stared at their hands, wanting this so badly.

And knowing she couldn’t have it.

Unwilling to go forward, unsure how to go back, Laurel looked desperately up at Tamani. He seemed to understand her silent plea. Disappointment clouded his expression, but with it, determination. He lifted his hand from hers, leaving a glittering print on her skin. Then he slid her hand slowly down his arm, pushing it from him until it once again hung by her side.

“I’m sorry,” Laurel whispered again, and she was. She didn’t want to hurt him. But she couldn’t give him what he wanted. Too many people needed her now, and sometimes it felt like she was letting them all down.