The awareness of Zayvion, of his soul, his mind, his emotions, was absent.
Fairy tales said all it took was a true love, a kiss, a tear. But Zay wasn’t enchanted. He was gone. Dead. And I didn’t think there was a fairy tale that could make this turn out happily ever after.
The tight tension of sorrow made me swallow hard. I was not going to cry. Because I didn’t need a fairy tale. All I needed was one beauty and a beast-Chase and Greyson.
Zay had sat by my side for two weeks not knowing if I would recover from magic that had nearly killed me. I wasn’t about to give up on him on the first day.
I let my fingers wander, knowing I could never give the gentle comfort that Maeve could, but needing him to know I was there, I was with him. I traced his forehead, eyelid, cheek, and down the rough edge of his jaw. Nothing. Nothing stirred within him. He was empty. Silent.
I bent and kissed him, then rested my forehead against his. “I’ll make it right,” I told him. “Don’t give up.”
Then I straightened. I pushed my hair back behind my ears again and looked over at Shame.
He leaned against the wall, arms crossed loosely over his chest.
“Nice,” he said. “How exactly are you going to make it right?”
“By finding Chase and Greyson. And doing whatever it takes to get Zayvion back.”
Like gasoline catching a spark, Shame suddenly seemed much more awake. An anger, an animalistic hunger, flared in him. I wondered if he’d given up a little of his sanity too. Wondered what happened when an untested Soul Complement used magic with his possible Soul Complement-Shame and Terric. What happened when that magic involved Death magic, and a good friend dying?
Just what kind of man was Shame when he was this angry and this wounded?
“Whatever it takes?” he asked a little too casually.
“Yes.”
“Doesn’t that sound like fun?” he murmured.
I looked away from him because I didn’t like his smile. I searched for my jeans and sweater-found them folded, obviously laundered-in the dresser drawer.
“So what’s going on between you and Terric?” I asked.
“What do you mean?”
I straightened, huffed out a breath. “Are you still angry with each other? Did using magic together make things worse? Have you killed him and buried him in a box somewhere?”
“I don’t think that’s any of your business,” he said.
“I do. Listen, I’ve been paying attention to things. Things like Soul Complements, which are supposed to be this rare and wonderful joining of magic. But so far all I’ve seen is tragedy. Chase and Greyson, you and Terric, and now Zayvion and me.”
“And Leander and Isabelle,” he added.
“Who?”
“Old story. Old, sad story.”
“Fine. Leander and Isabelle too. I’m beginning to think once you find your Soul Complement, someone or something does everything in its power to destroy that bond. I want to know what happened between you and Terric. What really happened.”
He just scowled at me. Sullen.
“It would help me believe Zay and I have a shot at this. Please,” I added.
It took him a while, but he finally spoke.
“It was a long time ago,” he said quietly. “About five years. We’d been sent out on a job, Zay, Terric, and I. Something had slipped the gates, and we were after it.
“We were good friends. Mates, you know? Did a lot of our schooling together. Z. and Terric were both after the job of guardian of the gate. Not that you can just fill out a form and get picked for the position. But for a while there, it was anyone’s guess which of them would be best at handling all disciplines of magic. Which of them wouldn’t crack under the pressure of using all magic.
“Terric’s no slouch. He could have had it. But. .”
He shook his head. “So we were hunting. It was night, and I’d had a drink or two. Stupid, I know. Zay caught a scent of something down an alley. Terric and I went up a block to try to block its escape.”
He paused, licked his lips. He wasn’t looking at me anymore, his eyes focused on the past. “It was a hot night. Summer. We were fast. Quiet. The plan was for us to pin it in the alley, then take it down. Easy pickings. .
“Terric got there first. The Hunger-it was huge, bigger than a car-I’d never seen one so big, still haven’t. It had fed well, was solid as a tank. It leaped. Over Terric. Spotted me. Don’t know why. Maybe thought I’d be easier to take down.
“It did something. With dark magic. Got in my head. I couldn’t stop it, didn’t know the spells, couldn’t use magic fast enough to fight it. Once it was in my head, it did something.”
He paused for so long I thought he was done talking. Still, I waited him out.
“Did something to me. It wasn’t horrible-no, that would have just made me angry. I would have fought. It did something so. . wonderful. Dark. Beautiful. To me. It was like I was breathing for the first time in my life, like I was finally, fully alive.
“And filled with hunger and power. I wanted Terric. His mind. His soul. His body. I wanted to kill him. Devour him.
“I used the dark magic that filled the Hunger. There was so much. It was so easy. I threw it at Terric, at his soul. I tore him apart.”
Pause, then, a whisper, “I laughed while he screamed.”
He went silent again, so still, he didn’t even blink.
Finally, “Zayvion pulled me off him. Blocked the dark magic I was using, killed the Hunger. Knocked me out. Terric’s hair used to be black like mine. Did you know that?”
I shook my head.
“He came so close to dying. The doctors said the only thing that saved him was that our magic matched, blended. Freakish luck. Freakish. It’s why they think we’re Soul Complements. Because what I did should have killed him. Because he survived me tearing his soul apart.
“When he woke up, the first thing he said was he forgave me. He told me to stop apologizing. That it wasn’t my fault. Everyone thought it wasn’t my fault. Even Zay. He testified in front of court and counsel in my defense.
“But they were wrong. I might have been pushed into it, but I was the one throwing the punches. It was my fault.
“When they told me we had to test to see if we were Soul Complements, I said no. Because I owed him that. Owed him his life. Owed him more, really. A lot more.
“He lost his chance to be guardian of the gates because of me. Can’t tolerate dark magic anymore. Not after nearly dying from it. It’s why he moved to Seattle. He couldn’t watch Zay take the job he wanted.”
He nodded, and rubbed his fingertips along his jeans, as if wiping off a stain. “It’s good we have a state between us now. Good we don’t have to work together.”
He paused again, then, softly, “I’ve never been able to get the taste of his soul out of my mouth.” Shame blinked and seemed to come back to himself. Seemed to notice I was in the room.
“So you want to know if you and Zayvion have a shot at being Soul Complements? More than Terric and I, more than Chase and Greyson. For one thing, neither of you is a screwed-up killer. That’s a step in the right direction.”
“Have you ever told anyone about. . about this?” I asked.
He shrugged, just one shoulder tucking up toward his ear. “They heard what they wanted to hear. They think what they want to think. I know what I was thinking and feeling. I know what I did. Do I regret it? Every damn day. But that doesn’t change what I did.” He fingered a cigarette out of his pocket, lit it, and exhaled smoke toward the window, which I only now noticed was cracked open.
“You were young. Maybe, what? Nineteen, twenty when it happened?” I asked.
Shame sniffed. “You going to stand here talking about the past all night, or were you actually going to do
