Artemis Fowl: the time paradox

N^o1 stopped smiling. ‘Ah, yes. Artemis’s mother. Does she want a magical cure?’

‘That’s the last thing she wants,’ said Holly.

Once the situation was explained to N^o1, he immediately agreed to help.

‘You are in luck, Artemis,’ said the little demon, wiggling his eight fingers. ‘I did a module on time travel last week on the warlock diploma course I’m taking.’

‘Small class, I bet,’ commented Artemis drily.

‘Just me,’ admitted N^o1. ‘And Qwan, of course, my teacher. Apparently, I am the most powerful warlock Qwan has ever seen.’

‘Good,’ said Artemis. ‘Then transporting us all into the past shouldn’t pose any problems for you.’

Foaly had projected himself on to five of Artemis’s various monitors. ‘All?’ spluttered each image. ‘All! You can’t take Number One with you.’

Artemis was not in the mood for argument. ‘I need him, Foaly. End of discussion.’

Foaly looked as though his head would bulge through the screens. ‘It is most certainly not end of discussion. Holly is an adult — she can make her own decision — but Number One is little more than a child. You cannot jeopardize him on one of your missions. A lot of hopes rest on that little demon. The future of the fairy families.’

‘None of us will have a future if Number One doesn’t take us to the past.’

‘Please stop,’ said N^o1. ‘All this arguing is making me dizzy. There is no time for it.’

Artemis’s face was red, but he held his tongue, unlike Foaly who kept shouting, but at least he muted the screens.

‘Foaly needs to vent,’ explained Holly, ‘or he gets headaches.’

The three waited until the centaur calmed himself, then N^o1 spoke: ‘In any event, I cannot go with you, Artemis. That’s not how it works.’

‘But you transported us from Limbo.’

‘Qwan did that. He is a master; I am but an apprentice. And, anyway, we had no desire to go back to Limbo. If you wish to return here, I need to stay as a marker.’

‘Explain,’ said Artemis tersely.

N^o1 spread his arms wide. ‘I am a beacon,’ he declared. ‘A shining supernova of power. Any magic I release into the ether will be attracted back to me. I send you into the past, and you will snap back to me like puppies on a leash.’ N^o1 frowned, not happy with his simile. ‘One of those retractable leashes.’

‘Yes, we get it,’ said Artemis. ‘How long will it take to weave the spell?’

N^o1 chewed his lip for a moment. ‘About as long as it takes you two to remove your clothing.’

‘Hurkk,’ said Artemis, half-choking with surprise.

‘D’Arvit,’ swore Holly.

‘I think we all know what D’Arvit means,’ said N^o1. ‘But hurkk is not English. Unless you meant hark, which means to listen or to remember something from the past. Which I suppose could be relevant. Or perhaps you were speaking Dutch, and then hurk would translate as squat.’ N^o1 paused for a wink. ‘Which means squat to me.’

Artemis leaned close to the demon’s cornet-shaped ear. ‘Why do we need to take our clothes off?’

‘That is a very good question,’ said Holly into the other ear.

‘It’s quite simple,’ said N^o1. ‘I am not so skilled as Qwan. And even with Qwan overseeing the last transfer, you two managed to switch an eye each, which was probably because someone was focusing on stealing magic. If you take clothes or guns in there, they could become a part of you.’ The demon raised a stiff finger. ‘Lesson number one of time transfers,’ he stated. ‘Keep it simple. It’s going to take all of your concentration just to reassemble your bodies. And you will be thinking for the lemur too.’

N^o1 noticed both Artemis and Holly’s awkward expressions and took pity on them.

‘I suppose you could keep one thing, if you must. A small garment, but make sure it’s your colour, because you could be wearing it for a really long time.’

Though they both knew that this was no time for modesty, neither Artemis nor Holly could suppress a blush. Holly covered her embarrassment by tearing off her shimmer suit as quickly as possible.

‘I’m keeping the one-piece,’ she said belligerently, daring N^o1 to argue. The one- piece looked similar to a swimsuit, but was padded on the shoulders and back to support a wing rig. There were also heat and kinetic panels, which could absorb energy from the wearer to power the suit.

‘OK,’ said N^o1. ‘But I would advise you to remove the pads and any other electronics.’

Holly nodded, tearing the pads from their Velcro strips.

Artemis gathered Holly’s things.

‘I will put your helmet and suit in the safe, just to be certain they are secure. No need to take chances with the People’s technology.’

‘Now you’re thinking like a centaur,’ Foaly piped up.

It took only a minute to hide the fairy gear, and when he returned from the safe room, Artemis took off his shirt and trousers carefully, hanging them in his wardrobe. He placed his loafers on a shoe rack alongside several similar black pairs, and one brown, for casual days.

‘Nice underwear,’ snickered Foaly from the screen, momentarily forgetting the gravity of the situation.

Artemis was wearing a pair of red Armani boxer shorts, which were pretty much the same colour as his face.

‘Can we get on with it?’ he snapped. ‘Where do you need us to stand?’

‘Wherever you need to be,’ replied N^o1 simply. ‘It’s far easier for me if you take off and land at the same point. It’s hard enough shooting you off down a wormhole faster than the speed of light without worrying about location too.’

‘We are in the right location,’ said Artemis. ‘This is where we need to be.’

‘You need to know when you want to arrive,’ added N^o1. ‘The temporal co-ordinates are as important as the geographical ones.’

‘I know when.’

‘Very well,’ said N^o1, rubbing his hands together. ‘Time to send you on your way.’

Holly remembered something. ‘I haven’t completed the Ritual,’ she said. ‘I’m low on magic, and without weapons that could be a problem. We don’t have an acorn.’

‘Not to mention a bend in the river,’ added Artemis.

N^o1 smirked. ‘Those things could be problems. Unless …’

A spiral rune on the demon’s forehead glowed red and spun like a Catherine wheel. It was hypnotizing.

‘Wow,’ said Holly. ‘That’s really …’

Then a pulsing beam of crimson magic blasted from the centre of the rune, enveloping Holly in a cocoon of light.

‘Now you’re full to the brim,’ said N^o1, bowing low. ‘Thank you very much. I’m here all week. Don’t forget to tip your goblins and bury those acorns.’

‘Wow,’ said Holly again, when her fingertips stopped buzzing. ‘That’s a neat trick.’

‘More than you know. That’s my own signature magic. The Number One cocktail if you like, which makes you a beacon in the time stream.’

Artemis shuffled self-consciously. ‘How long do we have?’

N^o1 gazed at the ceiling while he ran some calculations. ‘Three hundred years… No, no, three days. Holly can bring you back at any point before that simply by making herself open to my power, but after three days the link grows weaker.’

‘Is there anything we can do about that?’

‘Let’s face facts: all-powerful I may be, but I’m a novice at this, so taking off from where you landed is vital.