into the lion’s den.”
She shrugged him off, turned away, then back again. “You of all people know how important this is to me, how close I am to Isabelle. I need to be there.”
He didn’t answer, just closed the library doors and took a seat.
“Are you hungry?”
She shook her head.
“Tired? We could rest. You’ve been through a trauma.”
She shot him a glare. “The only trauma I’m going through is not being able to hunt for my sister and the black diamond, and kick some demon ass.”
He flopped down on the sofa. “Feisty and frustrated. Spoken like a true demon hunter. I’d like to kick their asses, too.”
She went down on her haunches in front of him. “Then let’s go. We’ll follow discreetly. They won’t even know we’re there.”
He smiled, leaned forward and took her face between his hands, and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. She felt the warmth there, the genuine caring. She wanted to sink into that comfort, to let him hold her, kiss her and erase the tension with his touch, but she couldn’t. She stiffened, pulled her lips from his, and stared expectantly at him.
“No,” Ryder said. “Much as I’d like to be out there, too, it’s not safe for you.”
She jerked out of his embrace and stood, pacing the room behind the sofa, trying to figure out how she could escape from Ryder.
He knew how much this meant to her. How could he hold her back? She’d never do this to him, would never keep him from something so important.
Bastard. He was a soldier, following orders. Her feelings meant nothing to him. She meant nothing to him. She’d just have to find a way to outsmart him.
“Don’t even think about it,” he said, his back to her.
Damn that man. “What are you, some kind of mind reader now?”
“I am where you’re concerned. Besides, if our positions were reversed, I’d be doing the same thing. Trying to figure out how to get away from you so I could join the hunters in the search.”
She stopped, crossed her arms. “Then why aren’t you helping me?”
He stalked to her, grasping her arms, his expression fierce, his tone even more so. “Because our situations
She knew that underneath his anger was caring, anguish, and he didn’t know how to deal with it. Ryder wasn’t accustomed to having someone in his life who mattered to him.
Her anger melted away, and she reached for him, smoothing her fingers across his brow. “I’m sorry.”
He frowned. “For what?”
“I’m sorry that you care about me. I can see it hurts you.”
His lids half closed, his chin dropped to his chest as he inhaled deeply. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I’m not good at this.” He lifted his head.
“We’re both just frustrated, under pressure and wanting to do things we can’t do. We want instant results and we want things in our past to not have happened at all.” She backed away and looked out the window, realizing how much her life had changed in a few short weeks.
“I don’t want to be the daughter of a demon. I wish I hadn’t found out about it. If I could transfuse his blood out of me, I would. I hate knowing he lives inside me.”
“That isn’t who you are.” His voice was soft, reassuring.
That wasn’t what she wanted to hear. Maybe she wanted, needed, condemnation. “Isn’t it? It taints me. It changes me.” Her perception of herself, and no doubt others’ perception of her.
“It only changes you in your own mind, Angie.”
She looked at him over her shoulder. “What about that scene in the cottage, Ryder? I killed.”
“You killed a demon. You used your powers for good.”
Despite her anguish, her lips tilted. “Okay, you might have a point.”
“You’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever met, Angie. If anyone can master the demon part of you, you can. You’ll be like Derek and Nic. It will just be another side of you, one you’ll learn to live with, to summon when you need it. Otherwise, it won’t change who you are.”
She knew what he was saying. “You mean unlike you.”
“It is what it is. The blood I have inside me did shape me. I never wanted to be the son of a madman abuser, someone who enjoyed his anger, who fed off hurting others. But I am. Living with him, learning from him. . it affected me. Influenced who I became as an adult. I can’t do anything about it. I learned to accept it.”
“I told you, that’s not who you are.”
He ignored her. “It’s a hell of a legacy to realize I could turn out like him, especially when I realized I had a propensity for violence.”
