Let's Play Dead

It was interesting watching Nolan trying to decide what tack to take with his clearly angry ex-wife, as expressions chased across his face. Resentment? Contrition? In the end he said, “She tracked me down, said she wanted to know me better. I am her father.”

Arabella pointed to a chair, and Nolan sat. “Yes, and a lousy one,” she said. “Funny, you never had much time for her before.”

Nolan held up both hands in a gesture of surrender. “I’ve admitted that, and I’ve apologized-to you and to her. I was wrong. I was young and stupid. But what’s that do for us now? Tell me, why is it you think she’s gone missing?”

“Jason, here…” Arabella began and then stopped herself. “Oh, right, you two haven’t met. Nolan, this is Jason Miller, Caitlin’s fiance. They live together, in case she hasn’t mentioned that. Jason said you and Caitlin talked on the phone last night. She left for work this morning, or at least that’s where she told Jason she was headed, but nobody’s seen or heard from her since. Do you know anything about that?”

“We talked, yes. We were going to try to meet up after she got off work today. She said she’s been busy with this exhibit, but she really wanted to see me. That’s all.”

“You hadn’t seen her before this?”

“I did, a time or two. Bella, what’s all the fuss about? She’s an adult.”

“And she’s under a lot of stress. There’s the exhibit, and you might recall that there was a fatal accident here two weeks ago. She really doesn’t need you in the mix, not right now.”

Nolan shook his head. “She said she wanted to see me again. She didn’t mention a thing about troubles at work. And as for the death, I’d only just arrived when that happened. Yes, before you ask, I saw Caitlin the same day as I landed. She’d been pushing for us to get together for a long time.”

“Which she never told me,” Arabella said bitterly. “What did you talk about?”

“This and that. We had quite a lot to catch up on, you know.”

“Tell me, how long has this been going on?”

“A few years now. She was in college at the time. Like I said, she found me, not the other way around.”

“Did she ask you for money?”

“She did not! Bella, that was always your fight, and I know I did wrong by you. But that wasn’t what she wanted from me. She was curious, is all. Why shouldn’t she be? From what she’s told me, you tried to erase me from the face of the earth, to pretend I never existed. Was that fair to the child?”

“I was angry, Nolan,” Arabella said. “You’d walked out on me, and even before that, you weren’t around much.”

Nolan’s face was flushed now. “And I’ve bloody well apologized for that! What more do you want? You want me to pay for twenty years of back child support? Because I don’t have it, you know. I can’t make up for all those years, but I’d like to be able to talk to my daughter now without you blowing up in my face. She’s her own woman now.”

I was getting tired of watching this battle; it was time to step in and get things back on track. “Hey, you two, you can settle old scores later. What we need to do now is find Caitlin. I saw her yesterday, Nolan talked to her last night, Jason saw her this morning, and we all agree she seemed fine. Sometime after eight this morning she vanished, which is out of character for her. The police can’t or won’t do anything because it’s been only a few hours. So either we can do nothing and wait for her to show up, or we can put our heads together and try to figure out where she is.” I turned to Jason. “Did you talk about anything this morning before she left?”

Jason shrugged. “I was only half-awake. I got a cup of coffee, and I said something about how I kept having Willy the Weasel flashbacks, you know? The last thing I saw before the lights went out? And how Hadley had spent so much time messing around with the head that it was a wonder that we managed to get it installed at all. And then Caitlin said she had to go and went out the door. That was it.”

“Does she usually keep her cell phone charged and on?” I asked.

He nodded. “Absolutely. It’s part of her routine. She comes home and plugs it in as soon as she walks in the door. In the morning she grabs it on her way out. Always.”

“Arabella, nobody saw her come in today? Could she be somewhere in the building?”

“I already looked everywhere I thought she might be.”

“Do you have security cameras?”

Arabella laughed without humor. “No, of course not. No money, and no real need. What’s to steal?”

I was running out of ideas. “Does she have any medical problems? Fainting spells? Blackouts? A drinking problem? Anybody?” I looked around our small group. “Jason? Does she take any medications?”

“Vitamins. Allergy pills. And she sometimes has a glass or two of wine in the evening when she gets home, but I’ve never seen her get drunk.” He was looking at Arabella rather than me as he spoke.

“Excuse me,” Eric broke in. I think we had all forgotten he was there again. “Was she on any medication when she was at school? Because I seem to remember something…”

Arabella shut her eyes for a moment. “She’s going to hate me for this,” she said, almost to herself. Then she looked around at all of us. “Caitlin has Asperger’s syndrome, a mild form. She doesn’t like to talk about it-but you know, right, Jason?”

He nodded, looking miserable. “Yes.”

“What’s that?” Nolan asked.

“It’s a fairly mild form of autism,” Arabella said, “and it affects mainly a person’s social interactions. It’s like they simply don’t understand what other people are thinking and feeling. So they have trouble making friends. Sometimes they focus on something to the point of obsession. They can be very invested in routines. I probably should have seen it, but I was so busy, and I suppose I didn’t want to see it. I could fool myself that she was shy or awkward. I should have wondered why she never had any friends, didn’t want to bring anyone home or go to sleepovers. I probably didn’t do her any favors by sending her the message that it was just the two of us against the world. Once we had a diagnosis, her problems made a lot more sense.”

“She seems to function very well, Arabella,” I said. “Those years at school must have done her some good. It looks as though you made a good decision, even if it was hard on you both.”

“Thank you, Nell. It was hard. She needed more help than any of the local schools could offer. That’s when I decided to send her to Bishop’s Gate. I did a lot of research, and Bishop’s Gate has been very successful in helping children like Caitlin function well in society. Of course, she hated me at the time, and we had some incredible fights. I’m sure Eric can fill you in on her behavior there- apparently she was a real hellion for the first six months or so. Thank goodness the school could cope with her. I know I couldn’t have.” Arabella took a breath and then went on. “We didn’t get a real diagnosis until right before she went to Bishop’s Gate. I just thought she was hard to handle, and I blamed myself. Caitlin was always a difficult child. Even as a baby, she was colicky, and she cried a lot.”

“I remember that,” Nolan volunteered. “That was one of the reasons I couldn’t stand to hang around the house-she was always whining or screaming, early on.”

“She outgrew that, you know,” Arabella said, a touch of anger in her voice. “But she was always a handful. She challenged me, all the time. It’s like the terrible twos went on for years. Her standard response to everything was no! first, then why? She resisted everything I said. I was always the bad guy, the disciplinarian. She adored Nolan-she was always a daddy’s girl. Looking back, I guess I’d have to say he was one of her fixations. And then he left. Maybe you thought you were only leaving me, Nolan, but Caitlin took it a whole lot harder than I did. And it took me far too long to see that there was something really wrong, not just acting out. Nolan left, and I had no money. I had to find a way to support myself and my child, and that meant I had to work long hours, take classes to improve my credentials. The city schools weren’t good, so I sent her to a local private school, the best I could afford. She was a scholarship kid, but even so, money was tight. Which meant I had to keep saying no to her, because there were too many things we simply couldn’t afford. I was lucky to hang on to the house through it all.”

“I’m sorry, luv,” Nolan said quietly. “I didn’t know. Not that I could have helped you much-I was pretty strapped myself.”

“Well, as you can see, we managed,” Arabella said bitterly. “But Caitlin was harder and harder to handle, and puberty only made it worse. Then her school stepped in and insisted that I get her psychological testing, and that’s when we found out about the Asperger’s.”

“She’s really all right now, Arabella,” Jason volunteered. “I mean, even with all the stress she’s been under-