smoggy. I couldn’t smell my mother’s cigarette smoke. I could probably get into my car and drive to the Keys and come back in a week and all of these problems would be gone, one way or the other.
“This might be a good time for me to say, again, that I apologize for getting us into this mess,” Sam said.
“How much do you know about wind technology?” I asked.
“I once had to go out to the Marine base in Twentynine Palms, outside Palm Springs and I saw that big wind farm they’ve got out there. Sort of creeped me out. Windmills look dangerous.”
“Apart from that?”
“Apart from that, not much.”
“Well,” I said, “when the messenger arrives with the information Big Lumpy came up with for us to deliver to Yuri Drubich, I suggest you spend some time getting acclimated to the nuances of all things involving wind technology.”
“So… ”
“Yes,” I said. “You’re now Big Lumpy. You have any all-white outfits?”
“Not since Miami Vice,” he said.
The front door opened and Sugar stepped out. “Your moms wanted me to come out and check on you,” he said. When I didn’t respond, because I knew he was lying, he said, “All right, man, you know, she’s relentless with the judgments. I’ve had a bad week, bro, and she’s all up on me for my life choices, so I had to bug out.”
I said nothing.
“And so, yeah, I was thinking, maybe I’d bounce, if that’s cool?”
“You planning on taking the bus?” Sam said. That he’d spoken at all was a surprise.
“Naw, man, I was hoping you could set me up with a ride and a safe place for a few days, till this Russian madness ends.”
“Sugar,” I said, “the moment you leave this house, you’re a dead man. Do you realize that?”
“Your mom hates me,” he said.
“You’re easy to hate,” Sam said. “Give me your watch.”
“What?” he said.
“Your watch,” Sam said. “Give it to me.”
“Look, I’ll hook you up with those Dolphin tickets-you just gotta give me some time.”
“Sugar,” I said, “give Sam your watch before he takes it with your arm still attached.”
“If I give him my watch,” Sugar said to me, “will you get me out of here?”
“Sugar,” I said, “I have a feeling Big Lumpy bugged you. The easiest place to look is your watch. After that, we start going through your internal organs. So please, with cherries on top, give Sam your watch.”
Sugar unclasped his watch and handed it to Sam. “Be careful,” he said. “It’s a Rolex.”
“Aren’t you a little young to have a Rolex?” Sam asked.
“I got big money,” he said.
Sam handed me the watch so I could look at it. It said ROLEX on the face and it was covered with diamonds… except that the diamonds were obviously cubic zirconium, since the only person who could afford the size and sum of encrusted diamonds on Sugar’s watch was the Sultan of Brunei. Even he would think it was gaudy. I turned the watch over. It said MADE IN CHINA right there on the plate.
“Where’d you get this?” I asked.
“You know. I got people who find me deals.”
“They got you a great deal on this one, then,” I said and handed it back to Sam, who set it on the ground and stomped on it until it broke apart. The “diamonds” crumbled like… well, like the glass they turned out to be.
“What are you doing?” Sugar fairly shrieked.
“It’s a fake, Sugar,” I said. “It was made in China.”
“What about the diamonds?” he said.
“Those were made in a window store,” I said. I reached down and pulled out the parts and found the bug immediately-Big Lumpy hadn’t bothered to put a small, top-level bug into the watch, opting instead for one about the size of a nickel.
“This come with your phone?” I asked.
“Aw, man, c’mon,” Sugar said. “You think I knew they’d bugged me?”
“During your traumatic time of capture,” Sam said,
“were you ever without your lovely Rolex?”
“That weird little dude? Monty? He asked me if he could shine it for me. Right before we came to your place, Mike. I was like, damn, you know?”
“This was before they wrapped you in plastic and stuffed your ears with cotton and taped up your mouth?” I said.
“Yeah,” he said.
“And you found nothing suspicious about the fact that they returned your watch to you all shined up and sparkling like it was the day you paid all eleven dollars for it?” Sam asked.
“Man, I was out of my mind. You know? I just, you know, like reacted to freedom and wasn’t thinking about it. I’m not a pro at being kidnapped like you guys are. Maybe I had that Frankfurt Syndrome or some shit.”
“I think you mean Stockholm,” I said.
“Frankfurt, Stockholm, Fort Lauderdale, my shit was scared, yo.”
It was hard to stay mad at Sugar. He was like a dog that pees on the floor every time the doorbell rings. Not much you can do but shake your head and drag it outside and tie it up when people come to visit-the difference being that you couldn’t just leave Sugar chained up outside for the rest of the day. At least not legally.
I examined the bug for a moment. It was a government-issue high-density bug-the kind they hand out like M amp;Ms to spies around the world-which lent credence to both Big Lumpy’s bona fides and Monty’s. .. or Steve’s… or Agent Zero’s. Whoever he was. I looked for a fingerprint on the bug but found nothing. He’d be too good for that.
“Sam,” I said, “you think you could find out who Big Lumpy’s manservant Monty actually is?”
“You don’t trust him?”
“No,” I said, “I actually do trust him. But I want to know who our new business partner is before we send you into combat with Yuri.”
“I’ll make some calls,” he said.
“I need to know if he’s someone who can be reasoned with or someone I might need to shoot first, like Sugar, but I have a feeling you’re going to have a bit of homework when the deliveryman shows up.”
“I was afraid you were going to say that,” Sam said.
“You’re the only person here who resembles the words ‘Big Lumpy,’” I said.
“I can tell you right now,” Sugar said, “that Monty fool has his swerve down. He made my watch look tight even if he did bug it. But if you want to put a cap in his ass, I’m with that.”
“No one is putting a cap in anyone’s ass,” I said.
“Least of all you.”
“Just saying, Mike, I’m riding with you, I’m riding with you to the end, player.”
“Do you practice these lines?” Sam said to Sugar.
“Or do they just roll out of your mouth as natural as the day you were born?”
“You know,” Sugar said, “when you got game, you got game.”
A black van with the logo FOUR POINTS DELIVERY SERVICE pulled up in front of my mother’s house then. The delivery guy got out and saw us standing there. “This the Westen Spy House?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said. Good old dead Big Lumpy. He had a sense of humor, at least.
“Cool. One of you want to help me with the boxes?”
“Boxes?” I said.
“Yeah, I got two file boxes full of stuff, plus a couple envelopes and a laptop computer.”
“Have at it, Sugar,” Sam said.
Sugar, to his credit, didn’t respond in any negative way to Sam, and instead went to the curb to help the deliveryman. The delivery guy opened up the back of the van, and Sugar stepped in and came back out with two white boxes stuffed with information.
