anyone actually know who I really am? Will anyone pick up my body. It is a life made of repetition, but it is a life that you choose and that chooses you.
And if one day you pick up a telephone in a foreign country hoping to broker a deal and find out you’ve been burned, that all of your backup is gone, that you’re still a spy, because that’s who you are, but that you don’t have anyone to spy for, and then for the next few years you find out that everything you thought about being a spy might be entirely wrong, that it’s all one elaborate game… what do you do? What do you do with your skills?
Sometimes you help people with their problems.
Sometimes you unwind the conspiracies surrounding your life, only to find out that the more you unwind, the darker and more complex the forces at work in your life are, that your burn notice isn’t just an unkind way of saying you’re fired, but a way of saying you now work for a new master altogether.
And then sometimes, well, you find out that you’re going to get to put on a tuxedo and play James Bond.
In this case, you and four other people.
And Sugar.
“I don’t see why I don’t get to rock the penguin,” Sugar said. We were all in my loft getting dressed for the evening, and since Sugar would be waiting in the car, Fiona, who was in charge of acquiring the black-tie attire for our job, apparently didn’t think he needed to be dressed as nicely as the rest of us, since she provided him with only a chauffeur’s hat.
“Because I couldn’t find a tuxedo made of nylon,” Fiona said. “I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
“You won’t be seen, Sugar,” I said. “But if you were to be, if things go so wrong that you need to escape, you don’t want to be wearing something easily identifiable. You just want to look like you.”
Sugar tried to make sense of that. “So what you’re saying is, you want me to look like I’m maybe a guy who stole a Navigator, not a guy taking part in some high-intrigue espionage shit?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Cool,” Sugar said. “I’m like undercover by being exactly who I am.”
“Right,” I said.
Sugar gave me a fist bump. “I’m with it.”
On the other side of the room, Sam was attempting to tie Brent’s bow tie and was failing mightily, so Fiona went over to help. It looked positively domestic… apart from the fact that Barry was only a few feet away, busily forging the documents we’d need to give back to my girlfriend Reva.
“How’s it coming, Barry?”
“Anytime I get to use information stolen from Halliburton, I view that as a win,” he said.
“Are you ready to be Henry?”
Barry looked over at Brent and then back at me. “He’s a nice kid, Mike,” Barry said. “He told me about his dad. It’s a sad story.” He lowered his voice. “But he really doesn’t want the money?”
“Nope,” I said. “Just wants his father’s debts paid and he’ll take the education. Everything else is off the table for him. So we’ll move the money to his account and there it will stay.”
“So… ”
“The government will get the money,” I said. “That would be my guess. They’ll seize it eventually if this all goes as planned.”
“Seems like a waste.”
“He made his choice,” I said. “He wants to earn it himself. He’ll get the chance.”
“Just so we’re clear,” Barry said, “if some of that money were to be diverted to, say, accounts of a third party, would you have any issues?”
“I’d be discreet.”
“I’m always discreet.”
“And then I’d fortify your home against shoulder-launched rockets,” I said. “Get some Cipro, too, in case you accidentally ingest anthrax. You know how the Russians love to poison people.”
There was a knock at my front door then. I wasn’t expecting anyone, what with Big Lumpy dead, and solicitors generally avoided my neighborhood.
“You expecting someone, Mikey?” Sam said.
“No,” I said.
There was another knock, this time harder. I looked out the window and could only see that there were two men dressed all in black on the landing holding something long and white. I couldn’t tell what it was from the angle of the window and from the darkness. Usually, ninjas tend to dress just like normal people, but maybe these two didn’t get the memo about the modernization. Or maybe they were mimes. Either way, I wasn’t going to take any risks.
“Brent,” I said, “get upstairs. Fiona, go with him.”
I went beneath my sink and pulled out three guns, for me, Sam, and Barry, who handled his gun like it was made of kryptonite and he had recently begun wearing red capes.
“What about me, boss?” Sugar said.
“If they get past us,” I said, “I want you to act as a human shield.”
There was another pound on the door, and before the person was even finished knocking, I’d yanked the door open and pushed the muzzle of my gun into the forehead of…
“Is that a vampire?” Sam asked.
… Brent’s Goth pal King Thomas, who, after he realized there was a gun pressed to his head, began screaming, as did his friend, but his friend managed to scream and run at the same time, dropping his end of a very large fake check in his wake.
“Calm down,” I said to Thomas. “I’m not going to shoot you.”
“Then why do you have a gun pointed at my head?” It was a good question. I put my gun down and picked up the other side of the check so it wouldn’t get dirty on the ground.
“I take it Brent asked you to make this?”
Thomas nodded. “Is he okay?”
“He’s not here,” I said.
“But he said he was going to be here,” Thomas said.
I stepped out on the landing and gazed down toward the street. Thomas’ friend was nowhere to be found. That or he’d already turned back into a bat. “Thomas,” I said, “it’s not safe here. Brent will get in contact with you tomorrow. Until then, you don’t know where he is and you haven’t seen him in days. Do you understand?”
Thomas nodded.
“And tell your friend the same thing, okay?” I took a look at the check. It was very well done. “Nice work here, Thomas,” I said. “I appreciate it.”
“I could have done more if I had more time,” he said. “It folds so that you can put it in a briefcase. That was my idea. I’m good with thinking ahead about how someone might, you know, carry things in such a way as to conceal them.”
“I’ll remember that.”
“Like, I could make smaller checks, too, is all I’m saying,” he said.
“I get it. Now go.” I went back inside and closed the door. “Was someone going to tell me about this delivery?” I asked.
Brent looked over the railing from upstairs. “Oh, sorry. Barry was like, you know, we need a big check and I was like, I know a guy who is really good with arts and Barry was like, okay, and I was like, okay, and so I called him and…”
Fiona covered Brent’s mouth with her hand. “Say you’re sorry,” she said to him and then removed her hand.
“I’m sorry,” Brent said.
“The vampire lord almost ate a bullet,” I said. “We have to be on our game tonight and that includes you, Brent. Do you understand?”
“I do.”
“Okay,” I said. “Now get your tie right and let’s go. We have ten minutes, people.”
Brent didn’t shrug, he didn’t say anything was like anything else, he just stepped away from the railing and
