“Which of you is Big Lumpy?” he asked.
“I am the one known as Big Lumpy,” Sam said, except he gave himself a strange-sounding voice. Not quite like Big Lumpy’s, not quite like Sam’s and not quite like any other human’s.
Yuri appraised Sam and then shrugged. “And you are the boy?” He pointed at Brent.
“It’s okay,” I said to Brent.
“I am,” he said.
Yuri shrugged again. He and Brent had that in common, apparently. “Come, all of you, my family is here and I am being honored. If I am to have you all killed, I’d like to know sooner than later.” He shook his head solemnly and pointed at Fiona with his broken arm. “They weren’t going to hurt you, but I understand that the appearances weren’t good. You made your point earlier. I deal with you aboveboard.”
He disappeared back into the room and the two men behind him came to gather up Fiona’s damage while we waited for the path to clear.
“That was weird,” Sam said.
“Not as weird as your voice just was,” I said.
“I should just play it straight?”
“That would be my call,” I said.
“What did he mean about the killing part?” Barry asked.
“Language barrier,” I said. “Nothing to be worried about.”
“He’s actually very polite,” Fiona said. She didn’t bother to wait for the last guy to be dragged off and instead stepped over the man with the crushed chest plate and headed down the hall toward the door Yuri left open. The rest of us did the only thing left to do: We followed her.
16
When you’re a spy, it’s important to believe the worst about everyone. That way, you won’t be surprised when they do something awful.
The problem, however, is that you never expect the best, never exactly plan for the contingency of decency in the face of strife.
So when the five of us walked into the salon room Reva had reserved for us to shake Yuri Drubich down in and actually found him sitting there with his family, just as he said, it took all of us by surprise. His wife was there, as were his three young children, two boys of about twelve and ten and a girl no more than five. They were all dressed to the nines and looked… happy. Like normal people. Each child had a PSP and was quietly blowing up the world, presumably, but it was hard to tell since they also all had white earbuds in.
“Hello,” I said to the wife. “I’m Dr. Bennington.”
She smiled but didn’t say anything.
“She doesn’t speak or understand English,” Yuri said. “She grew up in Moldova and never had the need to pick it up.”
“And your children?” I asked.
“Kids,” he said, “they know a little. What they learn in rap music.”
“They are adorable,” Fiona said and they really were. “It’s a shame you won’t be able to play catch with them for, what, three months?” Fiona looked around the room with great exaggeration then. “I don’t see your associate Gina.”
“You burst her eardrums,” Yuri said. “And broke her jaw.”
“She shouldn’t have used my lipstick,” Fiona said.
Yuri didn’t respond to this. Instead, he walked up to Brent and stood in front of him without speaking for a long time before finally saying, “You are the one?”
“I am,” he said.
He turned to face Barry. “And you,” he said, “you are the gambler?”
“I’m getting help for that,” Barry said. “And technically I am the loser.”
“You took a great deal of my money and delivered me shoddy goods,” Yuri said. “Did you think you would not pay a price for this?”
“Technically,” Barry said, “you blew up my office and all of my notary equipment.”
Barry’s motivation of “not to die” seemed to be giving him plenty of hubris in the situation. Either that or he was emboldened by seeing Fiona take out three men with literally one hand.
“I did,” Brent said. “And I am sorry. I was trying to do the best for my father, just as your own children probably would for you.”
And a boy becomes a man, I thought. I also thought: This is one of the oddest exchanges of government-or about-to-be government-secrets I’ve ever had.
“This Web site, you design it?”
“Yes,” he said and then he lied and said, “Mr. Lumpy and Dr. Bennington provided me with the technical expertise.”
“But it was you who absconded with my money and attempted to defraud me?”
Brent shot a glance in my direction and I nodded once.
“Yes,” he said.
“And why don’t I kill you?” Yuri asked.
“Because,” Brent said, “I’m not worth anything to you dead. I’m still alive, there’s always a chance I’ll have something else to sell to you.”
“I could use someone like you,” Yuri said. “You have any interest in working for me?”
“He works for me,” Sam said.
“Hmmm, yes, the lumpy one,” he said. “So you are the brains, Lumpy, and you are also the muscle? I have heard all about you. People in Miami, they say your name like it is a threat.”
“I believe you’ve met my muscle,” Sam said. “She can be very persuasive.”
“And which of you did I speak to on the phone?” he asked.
“That would be me,” I said.
“You are smart,” he said. “If you weren’t, you’d be dead.”
“You found my phone?”
“You have small operation here,” he said. “But effective. Lessons to be learned.” Yuri looked at his watch. “I have twenty minutes before I need to receive my guests.” He sat down at the table where his wife and children were. “Please, have a seat, show me what you have. Convince me Kineoptic Transference is what will make me even richer.”
We all sat down as well and Sam set up the laptop in front of Yuri and began running the PowerPoint presentation Big Lumpy had prepared, the whole time providing a running dialogue on the different aspects of Kineoptic Transference, starting and stopping the presentation when Yuri had questions. Yuri would periodically whisper something to his wife in Russian and she would nod, or grimace, and once she said, “Nyet” in a tone that seemed to suggest a level of frustration one reserved for one’s children.
When it was over, Yuri crossed his arms over his chest and exhaled slowly. “My question,” he said. “This works?”
“Of course,” Sam said.
“And you?” Yuri said to me. “You who are a doctor, no?”
“Scientist,” I said. “It works. Our government is too beholden to Verizon and AT amp;T to consider it now. Which makes it gold for you. You take this to Europe, to the Middle East, you’ll be a billionaire.”
“How much?” Yuri asked.
“I told you,” I said. “Six million.”
“Crazy,” Yuri’s wife said. She pushed herself back from the table then. “Six million dollars for wind.”
“I guess she does speak English,” I said.
“I turn that into six billion,” Yuri said.
“You make your own choices,” she said. “This woman breaks your wrist and you let her live. These men come
