on my own. Oh, please do! It will be fun to have this lovely memory in my head in the years to come when my stepfather violates my body and pounds my eyes with his fists.”
This visit wasn’t turning out quite the way Jack had envisioned during the ride over. The beautiful, shy and charming Abby Winter had somehow turned into what Pim and his mates would at best call a saucy wench. But he had to admit, the view she currently afforded him was an outstanding one, and if Abby meant to give him a ride while angry, maybe she’d give him even better rides in the future if he could find a way to keep her happy.
And so it was with these thoughts that he smiled and dug in and tried not to think of Dorothy Spider.
Chapter 11
PIM WOKE TO the chatter in the street. He looked around and realized he’d failed to make it to the lodging house and had instead passed out in the street, where he’d thrown up at least once, and rolled around numerous times in raw sewage. He knew not what time it was, but the auction hadn’t started yet, and he was eager to get a front row seat. Checking his pockets and money pouch to make sure he hadn’t been robbed, he mentally calculated the worth of a used wife and decided he had money to spare.
But wait—had he imagined it?
He got to his feet and went to the post where he’d seen the sign. In the light of day he had no problem reading the bulletin:
NOTICE OF A WIFE TO BE SOLD AT NOON
ST. ALBAN’S TOWN SQUARE
SATURDAY, JULY 19, 1710
IN ACCORDANCE WITH ENGLISH LAW THAT PROVIDETH
A MAN MAY SELL HIS WIFE IF HE DO SO IN OPEN MARKET
AND SHE GIVETH HER PERMISSION BY WEARING A HALTER
ROUND HER NECK;
THIS MAN, PHILIP WINTER SHALL SELL HIS WIFE HESTER
IN SUCH A MANNER ON SATURDAY THE 19th of JULY, 1710.
BUYER MUST AGREE TO ACCEPT HESTER WINTER AS SHE BE,
WITH ALL HER FAULTS.
Pim wanted to make himself more presentable by jumping in the river or ocean, whichever was closer, but after inquiring the time from a horrified passerby, he was afraid he’d miss the auction. He went to the nearest house and knocked on the door and offered to pay a half-crown for a basin of water.
“That’s a fair price for the basin,” the woman allowed, “but where would I get another? You’ll have to try someone else.”
“I’d be buyin’ only the water in the basin, Mum.”
“What? Are you daft? Be gone, or I’ll call my husband.”
Pim produced the coin.
“I’ve only got used water,” she said.
“How used?”
“Two days worth. But it’s a full basin. You want it?”
“Aye, and a rag to scrub with.”
The lady of the house eyed Pim closely, scrunched her nose and said, “Is that vomit in your beard?”
“Aye, Mum.”
“Well in that case you may keep the rag. I wouldn’t want to touch it after you’ve used it.”
“You’re too kind.”
“I’d rather bring a horse turd into my home.”
“Yes, Mum. Thank you.”
Pim did what he could with the basin of used water, though it smelled worse to him than he did. When he got to the town square he sat on a rock and waited for Captain Jack, whom he sensed was drawing near. Ten minutes later Jack Hawley was standing over him, chewing him out.
“Are you insane? If they see you here they’ll lock you up!”
“I’m not a pirate no more, Cap’n.”
“What?”
“My sweet Darla’s dead, and I’m gonna buy this wife what’s bein’ sold today.”
This was shaping up to be Jack’s most interesting shore leave ever. He tried to picture Abby Winter’s mother marrying the wild and wooly pirate, Mr. Pim. An unintended smile crossed his face.
“What’s so funny?” Pim growled.
“Easy, man. I’m sorry for your loss. I never met Darla, but I know she was special to you. I meant no offense by the smile. It’s just the thought of you settling down. Pim: a landlubber!”
Pim nodded. Then said, “You know this woman what’s to be sold today?”
“I don’t, though I suspect she’ll be happy to marry a kind-hearted soul such as yourself.”
“Thank you, Jack. I’m not picky. I’m sure she’ll do.”
Jack looked him over. “You’re sober?”
“Mostly. I think.”
