Dead Souls

'As I'm an honest man, I say I did,' replied Nozdryov.

'You can say whatever you like, but I'm telling you that you couldn't drink even ten.'

'Well, let's make a bet on it!'

'Why bet on it?'

'Well, then stake that gun you bought in town.'

'I don't want to.'

'Well, go on, chance it!'

'I don't want to chance it.'

'Right, you'd be without a gun, just as you're without a hat. Eh, brother Chichikov, I mean, how sorry I was that you weren't there. I know you'd never part from Lieutenant Kuvshinnikov. How well you'd get along together! A far cry from the prosecutor and all the provincial skinflints in our town, who tremble over every kopeck. That one, brother, will sit down to quinze, or faro, or anything you like. Eh, Chichikov, would it have cost you so much to come? Really, aren't you a little pig after that, you cattle breeder! Kiss me, dear heart, on my life I do love you! Mizhuev, look how fate has brought us together: what is he to me or I to him? He came from God knows where, and I also live here . . . And there were so many carriages, brother, and all that en gros. I spun the wheel of fortune: won two jars of pomade, a porcelain cup, and a guitar; then I staked again, spun it, and lost, confound it, six roubles on top of that. And what a philanderer Kuvshinnikov is, if you only knew! He and I went to nearly all the balls. There was one girl there so decked out, all ruche and truche and devil knows what not... I just thought to myself: 'Devil take it!' But Kuvshinnikov, I mean, he's such a rascal, he sat himself down next to her and started getting at her with all these compliments in the French language . . . Would you believe it, he didn't pass by the simple wenches either. That's what he calls 'going strawberrying.' And the abundance of wonderful fish and balyks!^[11] I brought one with me; it's a good thing I thought of buying it while I still had money. Where are you going now?'

'Oh, to see a certain little fellow.'

'Well, forget your little fellow! let's go to my place!'

'No, I can't, it's to close a deal.'

'Well, so it's a deal now! What else will you think up! Ah, you Opodealdoc Ivanovich!'^[12]

'A deal, yes, and quite an important one at that.'

'I bet you're lying! Well, so tell me, who are you going to see?'

'Well, it's Sobakevich.'

Here Nozdryov guffawed with that ringing laughter into which only a fresh, healthy man can dissolve, showing all his teeth, white as sugar, to the last one; his cheeks quiver and shake, and his neighbor, two doors away, in the third room, jumps up from his sleep, goggling his eyes, and saying: 'Eh, how he carries on!'

'What's so funny?' said Chichikov, somewhat displeased by this laughter.

But Nozdryov went on guffawing at the top of his lungs, all the while saying:

'Oh, spare me, really, I'll split my sides!'

'There's nothing funny: I gave him my word,' said Chichikov.

'But you'll be sorry you were ever born when you get there, he's a real jew-eater! I know your character, you'll be cruelly disconcerted if you hope to find a little game of faro there and a good bottle of some bonbon. Listen, brother: to the devil with Sobakevich, let's go to my place! I'll treat you to such a balyk! Ponomaryov, that rascal, was bowing and scraping so: 'For you alone,' he said. 'Go look around the whole fair, you won't find another like it.' A terrible rogue, though. I told him so to his face: 'You and our tax farmer,' I said, 'are top-notch crooks!' He laughed, the rascal, stroking his beard. Kuvshinnikov and I had lunch in his shop every day. Ah, brother, I forgot to tell you: I know you won't leave me alone now, but I won't let you have it even for ten thousand, I'm telling you beforehand. Hey, Porfiry!' Going to the window, he shouted to his man, who was holding a knife in one hand and in the other a crust of bread and a piece of balyk, which he had luckily cut off in passing as he was getting something from the britzka. 'Hey, Porfiry,' Nozdryov shouted, 'go and fetch the puppy! What a puppy!' he went on, turning to Chichikov. 'A stolen one, the owner wouldn't have parted with it even for my own head. I offered him the chestnut mare, remember, the one I took in trade from Khvostyrev ...' Chichikov, however, had never in his born days seen either the chestnut mare or Khvostyrev.

'Master! wouldn't you like a snack?' the old woman said, coming up to him just then.

'Nothing. Eh, brother, how we caroused! As a matter of fact, bring me a glass of vodka. What kind have you got?'

'Aniseed,' replied the old woman.

'Make it aniseed, then,' said Nozdryov.

'Bring me a glass, too,' said the fair-haired one.

'In the theater one actress sang so well, the scamp, just like a canary! Kuvshinnikov is sitting next to me. 'Hey, brother,' he says, 'how about a little strawberrying!' Of booths alone I think there must have been fifty. Fenardi^[13] spun around like a windmill for four hours.' Here he received a glass from the hands of the old woman, who gave him a low bow for it. 'Ah, bring him here!' he shouted, seeing Porfiry come in with the puppy. Porfiry was dressed just like his master, in a sort of striped smock of quilted cotton, but somewhat greasier.

'Bring him, put him here on the floor!'

Porfiry placed the puppy on the floor, who, splaying his four paws, sniffed the ground.

'There's the puppy!' said Nozdryov, taking him by the back and lifting him up with his hand. The puppy let out a rather pitiful howl.

'You, however, did not do as I told you,' said Nozdryov, addressing Porfiry and carefully examining the puppy's belly, 'you didn't even think of combing him out?'

'No, I did comb him out.'

'Why are there fleas, then?'

'I'm not able to say. Possibly they crawled over somehow from the britzka.'

'Lies, lies, you never even dreamed of combing him; I think, fool, that you even added some of your own. Look here, Chichikov, look, what ears, go ahead and feel them.'

'But why, I can see as it is: a good breed!' replied Chichikov.

'No, go ahead, feel his ears on purpose!'

Chichikov, to please him, felt the ears, adding:

'Yes, he'll make a fine dog.'

'And the nose, did you feel how cold it is? Hold your hand to it.'

Not wishing to offend him, Chichikov also held his hand to the nose, saying:

'Keen scent.'

'A genuine bulldog,' Nozdryov went on. 'I confess, I've long wanted to get my paws on a bulldog. Here, Porfiry, take him!'

Porfiry took the puppy under the belly and carried him out to the britzka.

'Listen, Chichikov, you absolutely must come to my place now, it's just three miles away, we'll be there in a wink, and then, if you please, you can also go to Sobakevich.'

'Well, why not?' Chichikov thought to himself. 'I may in fact go to Nozdryov's. He's no worse than the rest, a man like any other, and what's more he just gambled his money away. He's game for anything, as one can see, which means one may get something out of him gratis.'

'All right, let's go,' he said, 'but, mind you, no delays, my time is precious.'

'Well, dear heart, that's more like it! That's really nice, wait, I'm going to kiss you for that.' Here Chichikov and Nozdryov kissed each other. 'Fine, then: we'll drive off, the three of us!'

'No, thank you very much, you'd better leave me out,' said the fair-haired one, 'I must get home.'

'Trifles, trifles, brother, I won't let you go.'

'Really, my wife will be angry; and now, look, you can switch over to his britzka.'

'Tut, tut, tut! Don't even think of it.'

The fair-haired man was one of those people in whose character there is at first sight a certain obstinacy. Before you can open your mouth, they are already prepared to argue and, it seems, will never agree to anything