When he reached the main trail without seeing any sign of her, he began to worry. Though he was no scout, he dismounted and sorted through the muddy tracks until he convinced himself that Seema had indeed turned toward home. This hope was confirmed as he passed through the hamlet, where the worried villagers stopped him to ask why she had seemed so troubled. Atreus assured them it had nothing to do with the condition of Timin's father, who would no doubt be returning soon under Kumara's care. He urged his yak toward Seema's hut
He arrived to find the door wide open and Seema kneeling beside a wooden chest, holding a small yak hair cloak. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying, and she was still huffing from her long run. Atreus stopped just inside the door, reluctant to intrude, happy just to find her uninjured and at home.
Seema set the cloak aside, then removed a pair of brown trousers and a striped tunic. Finally, she withdrew a round hat of black felt and held it before her, running her finger along the brim. Though Atreus had not realized she knew he was there, after a time she placed the hat with the other clothes and turned to face him.
'I heard Jalil,' she said. 'He was crying and calling for me, but I was gone Outside. I did not answer, and then he just stopped calling.'
Atreus limped into the room and kneeled across from her, picking up the hat. It was small, only a little larger than his fist. 'Jalil was yours?' he asked. 'Your son?'
'He was eight.'
She took the cloak in her hands, rubbing the material as though she could bring the boy back by stroking his clothes.
'Kumara warned me not to go. He said I could bring Jalil nothing but pain by trying to cheat Fate. And now look. I have brought evil to the whole valley.'
'You were trying to save your child. How can that be wrong?'
Atreus wanted to take her in his arms, but he could not quite bring himself to reach out, to believe that she, or anyone, would be comforted by his embrace. 'If there was any evil in that, it was only that you had to go instead of Kumara,' he offered.
Seema looked up from her son's cloak and said, 'You don't understand. life in Langdarma brings with it sacred duties, even greater than that of a mother's love for her child.'
Atreus thought of the terrible sacrifice his own mother had made to save his life and shook his head. 'There is no duty greater than that of a mother to protect her child,' he said.
'In Langdarma, there is. Langdarma is the birth home to Serene Abhirati, Mother of Peace and Beauty.'
Atreus frowned, not seeing the connection. 'And?'
'And Abhirati has been gone wandering the heavens for a hundred centuries. She left us to watch over her valley, and the Sannyasi to watch over us, so that all would be the same when she returned.' Seema lowered her gaze, her hands crumpling the hem of her son's cloak, and said, 'Kumara is right to be angry with me. My selfishness has brought evil into her home.'
'Kumara is a fool,' Atreus said, taking Seema's hands and gently smoothing Jalil's cloak. 'If Abhirati is truly the Mother of Peace and Beauty, then she will understand… as one mother to another.'
Seema looked up. 'Do you think so?'
'I know so,' Atreus said. 'Would Abhirati have left the Sannyasi to protect you if she were not a good mother? If she is a good mother, how can she condemn you for doing all you could to save Jalil?'
Seema considered this, then said, 'That does not change the evil I have brought on the valley. If you are right about Tarch being here, it is because of me.'
Atreus shook his head. 'If anyone is to blame for that,' he told her, 'it is Kumara.'
Seema frowned and asked, 'How can you say that?'
'No slaver wants old men like Kumara,' said Atreus. 'Had Kumara gone after the yellow man's beard instead of you, Tarch would not have bothered to kidnap him.'
Atreus did not add that Kumara might also have returned in time to save Jalil's life, but he saw by Seema's furrowed brow that this had also occurred to her.
After a moment, she shook her head.
'This game makes no sense. We can say 'what if this' and 'what if that' all day long, and it changes nothing.'
'Aren't you the one who said no mortal can understand the Wheel of Life? Perhaps Tarch has been fated to come here since the beginning of time, or maybe it was Kumara who cheated fate by refusing to help save Jalil. I don't know.' Atreus squeezed Seema's hands more tightly and said, 'The only thing I do know is that no matter what Kumara says, you aren't to blame. You did what you did out of love, and that is never wrong.'
Seema considered this, then said, 'Thank you for saying these things.' She closed her eyes and embraced him. 'Even if they are not the truth.'
'They are.' Atreus kissed her forehead without really realizing he had, adding, 'You can trust me.'
'I already do.'
Seema looked up, and Atreus was instantly lost in her brown eyes. He pressed his lips lightly to hers, then pulled away.
'I'm sorry,' he said as he tried to disengage himself. 'I don't mean to take advantage…'
'Do not apologize.' Seema pressed a finger to his lips, refusing to let go, and said, 'You are not taking advantage. I trust you, and you are a comfort to me.'
Seema kissed him again, this time harder, and he could feel her need drawing him closer. She pressed her body against his. He wrapped her in his arms, felt the softness of her breasts against his hard chest, the heat of her belly warming his, the smooth curve of her hip beneath his fingers. She melted to the floor beneath him, drawing him down on top of her, holding him so close that it seemed she was trying to make him part of herself. He wanted to become part of her, to feel their bodies join as he had felt their spirits unite earlier, when she told him not to apologize-and then Atreus realized he was deceiving himself. Worse, he was deceiving Seema. He did not deserve the trust she had granted so freely, not while the secret of the fountain remained between them. Now that he had seen the sparkling waters in Kumara's hand, he knew Sune's quest was a literal one. He was to find the Fountain of Infinite Grace and return with a vial of its waters. He also knew that this was forbidden, that when he did as his goddess bade and filled his vial, he would betray Seema's trust in the cruelest manner.
Atreus's embraces grew weak and his kisses guilty. He began to feel the ungainliness of his body and recall his hideous looks. His desire for Seema became a sick, shameful thing that even his body would not abide. He drew his face away from hers, then could not bear the beauty of her brown eyes and looked away.
Seema continued to hold him. 'Atreus?' she whispered. 'Did you hurt yourself?'
'No. No, I'm fine.' He could barely choke out the answer.
'Then why did you stop? Is love-making not a Devotion to your goddess?'
'Yes, it is,' Atreus answered as he rolled off Seema, but stayed beside her and continued to hold her in his arm. Even that felt like a lie. He could not tell her about the fountain any more than she could take him to it. 'I'm feeling uneasy.'
Seema propped herself on an elbow. 'You are wondering about Jalil's father?'
Atreus nodded, breathing a silent sigh of relief, and even that made him feel guilty.
'There is no need to think of him,' Seema said. 'He is only a friend now, and I seldom see him.'
'He doesn't live nearby?' Atreus asked.
'No, he is a healer down in the valley. No more needs to be said about him.'
Seema pushed herself up and began to fold Jalil's cloak.
'Now I am a little bit sad again,' she said. 'I hope you will forgive me.'
'There is no need,' Atreus said, picking up the boy's hat. 'I fear it's you who must forgive me.'
Atreus waited alone on the balcony until well after dark, when Rishi and Yago returned exhausted and famished. They had spent most of the day scouring the area around the rockslide and found nothing, not even a footprint they could identify as Tarch's. The Mar had been ready to declare the hunt over and report to Atreus that he was mistaken, but Yago, knowing first hand the comforts of a good deep grotto, had insisted upon investigating the Caves of Blue.
The task had proven more difficult than they could imagine. The mouths of more than a thousand different caverns dotted the face of the Turquoise Cliff, some located nearly a mile above ground. After a cursory
