nowhere. Mr.
Sullivan might think you're a shooting star, but I assure you, I do not. I watch stars like you burn out in the atmosphere every day.'
'Thanks for the tip,' I said.
I was playing like crap. I was standing on top of my gorgeous hill in the middle of the gorgeous day and everything was supersaturated with fall colors and my pipes sounded great and the air felt perfect on my skin and I couldn't focus on a single thing.
Dee's big red F.
Paul's list of the dead.
Nuala's fingers on my wrist.
I closed my eyes and stopped playing. I exhaled slowly and tried to focus on that narrow part of myself that I retreated into during competitions, but it felt like an inaccessible crack that I was too unwieldy and strung out to fit into.
I opened my eyes again. The hill was still empty because everyone else was in ensemble classes or private lessons.
Good thing, too. Because it meant there was no one around to hear me suck. Maybe I was just a big shooting star like Linnet said, and I'd be a big nobody in a desk job when I got out of this place.
I gazed down at my shadow, blue-green and long across the trampled grass, and as I did, another long shadow appeared beside it.
'You suck today,' Nuala observed from behind me.
'Thanks for making me feel better,' I said.
'I'm not supposed to make you feel better.' Nuala moved around to face me, and I swallowed when I saw her hip-huggers and clingy T-shirt that was every color of the ocean, like her eyes. 'I'm supposed to make you play better. I brought you something.'
She held out her fist toward me and opened her fingers for the great reveal.
'Nuala,' I said, reaching out to take her gift. 'It's a rock.' I held it up to my face to look at it closer, but it really was just a rock.
About the length of my thumb, opaque white, and worn smooth by time.
Nuala snorted and snatched it out of my hand before I could stop her. 'It's a worry stone,' she said. 'Look, stupid human.'
She rested the rock in her palm and rubbed her thumb and forefinger over its surface.
'What's it supposed to do again?'
Nuala swapped the rock to her left hand and took my thumb in her right one, holding it the same way she'd just been holding the worry stone. 'You rub it,' she said, and one side of her mouth curled up, 'To relax you.' She ran her thumb and forefinger over my thumb, just as she'd done with the stone.
Her fingers grazed my skin, leaving behind invisible promises and oh freaking hell my knees went weak with it.
She grinned and slapped the stone into my hand. 'Yeah. You get the idea. You rub the stone when you get anxious or need to think. I thought it might keep you from writing on your hands. Not that that will keep you from being a neurotic freak.
But it'll keep other people from being able to tell you're a neurotic freak, until it's too late.'
I swallowed, again, but for a different reason this time. The worry stone was maybe the most thoughtful thing I'd ever gotten from someone. I couldn't remember the last time I hadn't had to fake gratitude for a gift, and now that I actually was grateful, thank you didn't seem to cut it.
It seemed wrong that the first thing that came to mind was a sarcastic response. Something to deflect this warm feeling in my cheeks and put me back in control of myself.
'You can thank me later.' Nuala wiped her palms on her jeans, although there was nothing on the rock to dirty them. 'Next time you forget to bring a pen with you.'
'It-' I stopped because my voice sounded weird.
'I know,' she said. 'Now, are you going to play, or what? You can't just stop with that last jig. It was, like--'
'Absolute crap?' I suggested in a totally normal voice, pocketing the stone and readjusting my pipes.
'I was going to say something nicer, like... nah, you're right.
Absolute crap does it.' She paused, and her face turned into something quite different. Almost innocent. 'Can we play my tune?' She meant the one she'd sent me in the dream, the one
I'd played on the piano.
I sort of hated to tell her no. I felt I should reward her brief moments of lucidity and non-homicidal behavior. 'Won't fit into the range of the pipes.'
'We can change it.'
I made a face. We could squash it to fit, but it would suck the life out of it. The joy of the tune was in the high bits, and those were beyond the reach of the pipes.
'It won't be bad. C'mon,' Nuala said. She seemed to realize that she sounded sweet, because her eyebrows arched sharply and she added, 'It can't be any worse than the jig you were just butchering.'
'Ha. You wound me with your words like knives. Fine. Show me
I'm wrong.'
I readjusted my pipes again and Nuala stood at my shoulder.
Our shadows became one blue-green shape on the grass below, two legs and four arms. I hesitated for just a moment before reaching behind me to catch one of her hands. I pulled it around me so that her fingers were stretched over the pipe chanter. Her hand looked small on the chanter, stretching to cover all the holes.
'You know that won't work,' Nuala said softly.
Yeah, I knew it. Didn't mean I had to like it. I slid my hand underneath hers and covered the holes with my fingers, her hand still resting on mine. 'Then we can pretend. Where's your other hand?'
She had to loop it between my arm and my body to keep from getting in the way of the bag, but she managed to get her fingers on top of my other hand. Her ridiculous giant cork heels made her tall enough to rest her chin on my shoulder.
My voice came out a little low. 'Jig first, then your tune?'
'You're in charge,' she said.
'Oh how I long for those days,' I replied, and started to play.
No crap this time. It was like everything I'd been thinking about, except for the music and Nuala's arms wrapped around me, was gone. The jig felt light as a helium balloon, the high notes soaring off into the sky and the low notes tugging it down toward the ground before letting it bounce back up again. And my fingers--they were working again. Snapping up and down across the chanter like well-oiled pistons, every note perfect and even and clean. The tiny grace notes bubbled out like laughter between the huge round notes on the beat.
I silenced the pipes--absolutely silent, absolutely right--and grinned down the hill.
Nuala said, 'Yeah, so now you're done showing off. Do you want my help or not?'
'I--what?' I tried to turn my head to see her, but her chin on my shoulder was too close to see her face. I struggled to remember if I could sense her lending her musely power to me, but all I could remember was the music and the feel of her fingertips on top of mine. And then nothing but the utter joy of the jig. 'I thought you were.'
'Whatever. Never mind. Can we just play?'
'You're in charge,' I said sarcastically.
'Oh how I long for those days,' she mocked me. I started the drones up, waiting for her to tell me what to do. This time I felt it--first, the sort of silence that trickled through me, and then the heat of golden inspiration coursing through me in long strands that came out my fingers. The tune I'd played on the piano became a tidy entity in my head, a little box that I could mentally turn this way and that to see how it was made and what made it beautiful and where I could eliminate notes and add others to make it suit the pipes.
Nuala's breath was hot on my neck and her fingers were tight on mine, as if she could force the pipes to play for her, and I let the tune out. I heard the riffs from before, the bulk of the melody, the way I could let the sustain of the pipes make up for the lack of the high notes. The tune ached and breathed and twisted and shone
