“Mannerisms? Now wait one second!”
I jumped up and sashayed around the room provocatively. Then I pursed my lips for a kiss.
“How do you like me, gentlemen?”
Sir Kofa looked crestfallen. He didn’t say a word.
“How awful, Max!” Juffin blurted out. “Is that really customary in your homeland?”
I went back to my chair.
“Not really. Not always, anyway.” I became more composed. “That’s how dissolute women behave; and only on occasion.”
“All the same, it’s hideous! I think you owe me more than a good meal for pulling you out of there in time.”
“What do you mean, ‘in time’? If only you had been about ten years earlier.”
“I’m not sure that would have been wise. Someday I’ll explain why. You must be worn out, Kofa,” Sir Juffin said compassionately to our Master Eavesdropper.
The latter just chewed his pie with a melancholy air.
“Praise be the Magicians, one doesn’t have to perform tricks like that every day. And now I have to try teaching this lady some manners.”
“Don’t bother, Kofa. We’ll manage. The situation is almost hopeless, but I have another idea.”
“You’re right, Juffin. I do think you’re going to need a good miracle.”
“Excellent. You and Kurush just nod off for a while, and Max and I will go for a walk. Come on, Max . . . Uh, I beg your pardon. Lady Marilyn.”
“I am not nodding off. I’m memorizing what you’re saying,” the wise bird piped up. “I always knew people were strange creatures, but what I’ve seen today beats all.”
“That’s for sure,” Juffin snorted, smoothing down the buriwok’s soft feathers as we left the office.
“Where are we going?” I asked, getting into the amobiler.
“Can’t you guess? I know only one old lady capable of making a real lady out of this crazy dame.”
“Are we going to Jafax?” I asked. “To Lady Sotofa?”
“Yes. I’ve already sent her a call. She’s also from Kettari, after all, so it’s a matter of concern to her, as well. Sotofa was surprisingly quick to agree to help us. Actually, it’s not her style, but she seems to have a soft spot for you.”
“And that is completely mutual.”
“Then let’s go, Lady Marilyn.”
Lady Sotofa met us at the door of a small garden pavilion that served as her study.
“Oh, what a pretty girl! Too bad she’s not the real thing. If she was, I’d bring her here to live!” she said smiling, and hugged me.
I was, as usual, a bit flustered. I felt that no one had ever been so unabashedly delighted about a visit from me as this formidable wisewoman with the mannerisms of a doting grandmother.
“Sit down, Juffin! Remember the kamra they used to make five hundred years ago in Kettari, in the
Lady Sotofa produced a miniature jug from under her looxi. Its appearance witnessed to origins deep in the ancient forest.
“It’s delicious and very good for you, in some cases.”
“You haven’t found some Heavenly Half, have you, Sotofa?” Juffin shook his head in amazement. “I haven’t laid eyes on it in at least three hundred years!”
“What use is it to you, Juffin?” Lady Sotofa retorted, her laughter ringing out. “It’s all the better you haven’t. And if you haven’t seen it, no one else has, either. Things like this should be secreted away in the dark. But do sit down, Max. No, not at the table. Over here in the armchair. It’s more comfortable. Here you are!” She held out a glass with some thick, dark-red liquid. She thought a bit, then nodded. “Yes, one’s enough. It’s better not to go overboard with such things.”
I took the small glass obediently and sipped it. It really was delicious, almost as good as Elixir of Kaxar.
“Look at that, he’s drinking it,” Juffin said gruffly. “With me he would have asked a thousand questions to make sure it wasn’t poison.”
“Good boy. I’d ask a thousand questions myself before accepting a potion from your hands, Juffin, you sly old fox,” Lady Sotofa said gaily.
Sir Juffin Hully looked quite satisfied.
“And now, you can just relax,” Lady Sotofa said. “I can explain to you the properties of what I just gave you to drink. I don’t mind. You know, back in the good old days, they gave Heavenly Half to the mad.”
“Thank you, Lady Sotofa,” I mumbled gloomily. “That’s a comfort.”
“Hear me out, silly.” The good nature of the fearsome sorceress was inexhaustible. “They gave this potion to the mad, and the poor things immediately regained their senses. That’s why it’s called Heavenly Half —it was thought that the drug would help the mad find the half of their souls that was groping about in the dark. This continued until one wise person discovered that these unhappy creatures hadn’t really become healthy and whole, but only seemed so. In fact, their tormented souls remained who-knows-where. Do you understand?”
I shook my head sadly.
“Never mind. Such are your years. It will come with time. Now you’ll sleep a bit, and when you wake up, you’ll be the same old silly Sir Max. But you’ll behave like a true lady. You’ll stay just as you are, but people will think they are in the presence of a completely different person. To be honest, it’s not a very good potion, boy, for if people want to seem different from how they really are, they must make an effort themselves. And wonder- working concoctions dissipate the spirit. But just this once, for a good cause, it won’t hurt, I suppose. I don’t think you’ll find it necessary to study to be a real woman. You’re very good at it already!”
“Thank you, Lady Sotofa. You’re the only one in the World who loves and compliments me . . .” I murmured, dozing off.
“Hush, and go to sleep. Don’t try to fight slumber, or everything will come to naught! You see, wondrous things prefer to happen when a person sleeps. That’s the way things are arranged.”
Lady Sotofa covered me with a fur blanket and turned to my chief.
“Have we really found some time to talk at long last? You don’t have to rush off anywhere?”
Through a haze of sleep, I noticed that Juffin tapped the end of his nose twice with the forefinger of his right hand, the famous Kettarian gesture. Well, well . . .
When I woke up, it was already light. The beaming Lady Sotofa sat by my side and peered at my face with interest.
“Goodness, Max, you’ve been asleep for so long.” Her smile grew even wider. “Where did you learn that?”
“It’s an innate talent,” I replied in a strange, velvety voice.
I didn’t experience any emotional reaction, which couldn’t help but make me happy. I realized that Lady Sotofa and I were now alone. Had the chief really abandoned me in Jafax? He would do that.
“Where’s Juffin?”
“Home or on duty, I don’t know. I didn’t try to find out. Do you know how long you’ve slept? Juffin and I like to wag our tongues, of course, but in the time you’ve been asleep, we could have discussed all the causes of the origin of the Universe, which isn’t terribly entertaining.”
“How long was I asleep?”
“More than twenty-four hours, Max. That did surprise me.”
“Wow! Juffin’s going to tear my head off!”
“Of course, he could do much worse, that awful Juffin. But I don’t think anyone intends to tear anything off you in the near future. Take it from an old soothsayer.”
“All the same, I’ve got to run,” I said anxiously. “I have to leave tomorrow . . . or the day after tomorrow. I don’t know.”
“Of course you must leave, boy,” Lady Sotofa said, nodding. “But first you have to bathe, and if there’s time,
