chest and stomach seemed to be what was left after a larger body had been hollowed out. Both of them were very pale, though their arms and necks were brown from the summer.
There was a small sound of water moving, but along the whole length of Empty Mile the river was too broad to move quickly and I could easily hear what my brother and Rosie said to each other.
Rosie stood with her arms straight down by her sides and stared at the light on the water. After a while she said, “You don’t have to.”
“Johnny will keep feeling bad if I don’t.”
Stan inched forward until his toes curled over the edge of the rock. Rosie let go of his hand, took a step forward, pivoted on one foot, and fell backwards into the river. She rose spluttering a second later, wet and shining, rubbing her dark hair. The river was just below her waist.
“I hit my head.”
Stan started running on the spot, breathing heavily through his mouth. Rosie lifted her hand toward him. Stan stopped running and bent his knees. He took a breath and squeezed his eyes shut and froze.
From the water Rosie said, “It’s okay.”
And Stan leapt from the rock into the river.
He sank to his chest and immediately pushed himself upright, eyes and mouth wide open as though the water was so cold he couldn’t get his breath. He stayed that way for a moment, shocked into immobility, then his body relaxed and he smiled and smiled and smiled and ran the flat of his hand over the surface of the water.
“Wow.”
He looked at Rosie.
“Wow.”
Rosie looked down at herself and stroked drops of water from her breasts and said with her head bent, “The water rushing by takes your thoughts away with it.” She lowered herself until the water was up to her neck. “Your hair’s not wet.”
Stan moved so that he was in front of her and crouched down until he too had only his head above the water. He took a deep breath and pinched his nose and with his cheeks puffed out went under completely. Rosie did the same and for several seconds I could see only a patch of disturbed, coiling water where they had been. When they came up again I thought they might start laughing but they did not. They crouched in the river with the water moving about their shoulders, saying nothing, their eyes on each other. Stan reached out and touched the side of Rosie’s face.
I crept backwards until I was safely out of sight, then I turned and walked away and when I’d gone far enough I started to run, driving myself forward so that the branches of the trees tore my clothes and scratched my skin. When I was in the meadow again I stopped, panting, and in the sunlight and the space did the best I could to hold myself together.
What I had witnessed had been a monumental leap forward for Stan, of course, and I felt good that he had carved this achievement from the granite face of life. But there had been a terrible side to it too. Because he had not leapt into the water to overcome some damaged part of himself, but to overcome me and the guilt
I trudged back up the slope of the meadow. It wasn’t until I was almost at the cabin that I noticed Gareth’s Jeep parked beside my pickup.
In the house Marla sat stiffly on a hard wooden chair in the middle of the living area. Across the floor from her Gareth sprawled on the sofa. When he saw me he straightened impatiently as though I’d kept him waiting.
“You’re up early, Johnboy. Tendin’ them hogs?” He clapped his hands and sat forward. “Right… I’ve been thinking about our conversation in the Mother Lode. I think we need to clarify where we all stand.”
As he said this he shot a look at Marla and I saw her sag. Then he looked at me and winked.
“Shouldn’t take long. Stand up, Marla.”
I’d been poised just inside the front door and I took a step into the room. “What the fuck are you doing? Don’t order her around.”
Marla stood up. She stared emptily at the floor and wouldn’t look at me. I tried to catch her eye.
“Marla, sit down.”
She didn’t move.
“Marla.”
She spoke tiredly then, without looking up. “Let’s just get it over with.”
“Get what over with?”
From the couch Gareth said matter-of-factly, “Marla has a very good idea of the way things are supposed to operate. And what I’m hoping is, that she’ll be able to convey some of that to you, Johnny. Take your top off, Marla.”
“You fucker!” I charged across the room, grabbed Gareth by the front of his shirt, and hauled him upright. Before I could hit him, though, I felt Marla’s hands on my shoulders, pulling me away.
“Johnny, stop. Stop it!” She jammed herself between me and Gareth and pushed me back a few paces. “I told you he wouldn’t stop.”
She kept her hands on me until she was satisfied I wasn’t going to move, then she turned around to face Gareth and pulled the T-shirt she was wearing quickly up over her head and dropped it on the floor.
She wasn’t wearing a bra and her small breasts looked pale and vulnerable. I could feel how much she wanted to cross her arms over them. Gareth looked levelly at me and shook his head like I had let him down.
“You two brought this on yourselves, you know. Take off the pants.”
“I don’t have anything on underneath.”
“We’ll be finished quicker then, won’t we? Take them off.”
Marla undid her sweat pants angrily and stepped out of them. “Are we done?”
“Lie on your back and spread your legs.”
“What?” There was a small tremor in Marla’s voice.
I took a step toward her, but she held up her hand. I turned my attention to Gareth. “You fucking prick. Why are you doing this?”
“You ask too many questions and Marla talks too much.”
“This is about Bill? About the video? Jesus, I found the disk-what do you think, I’m not going to ask her if she knows anything about it?”
“What I think, Johnny, is that she can make her own choices.”
Marla started to cry, but there was anger under the tears. “You pig. You fucking
She lay down on the floor and spread her legs in front of him. For a moment he stared at her and something like sadness passed over his face, then he crossed the room and left the cabin and a moment later I heard his Jeep start and drive away. On the floor Marla had her hands over her face. I picked her up and carried her into our bedroom and put her on the bed with the covers over her. She held both my hands to her face and rubbed at her tears with my knuckles. The burn on her forearm was beginning to flake.
“You won’t leave me, Johnny, will you?”
“Why would I do that?”
“I’m so disgusting. There’s nothing good left in me.”
“Why did you let him do that to you?”
“You know why.”
“Because of your job? Because of your fucking job?”
“They’ll fire me if they know I’ve been a whore.”
“This is crazy. He completely degraded you. You do admin work for a bunch of small-town politicians, for Christ’s sake. It’s not worth it! How long is this going to go on, this random fucking exploitation?”
“It wasn’t random. It was because you hassled him about Pat and because he figured out I told you about setting up Bill. It was a warning.”
“I get that. But we can’t live life endlessly being his victims.”
Marla shuddered and took a breath and said quietly, “I know…” Her crying had stopped but her face was still wet and her hands were trembling. “I know we can’t.”
