RJ raised his hands in surrender. “I’m not saying anything.”
“His father wanted Charlie to be a cop, just like him. When he switched to forestry, his father wasn’t happy. Like at all. Like he’d say, Charlie was giving up a real career doing something important to be a lumberjack or something. He had absolutely no idea what a forestry degree really means.”
I thought back to what Raz had said about the program. Trees, studying trees, he said. Doing things with trees.
“It really got to Charlie, is all I’m saying. He knew his father was totally disappointed with him. They had a really big fight about it.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” RJ said.
“There’s no use sugarcoating it,” Bradley said. “That doesn’t do anybody any good now. We might as well tell the truth.”
“Don’t you understand?” RJ said. “Sometimes you don’t have to say anything at all. You need to learn that.”
“It’s the truth and you know it. Charlie was miserable because he thought he was letting his father down.”
RJ closed his eyes and put one hand against his forehead.
“I’m not saying he should have thought that,” Bradley said, running out of steam. “I’m not saying it was right. I’m just saying…”
Then he stopped. He had wheeled out the great weight and put it there in front of us. It was invisible yet heavy as cast iron and it would crush any man who would try to carry it.
Yet that’s what I had to do now. I had to strap that weight to my back and walk out into the cold night.
I shook the hands of each of those two young men and left them there. I knew it would be quiet there in the apartment for a long time to come. When I was outside I turned my collar up against the wind and I went back down the hill toward my hotel. The lights on the bridge were glowing. I didn’t feel like sitting in my hotel room yet so I found the loneliest bar on the street, the darkest place to sit and drink with as few people around as possible. No music, no laughter coming from young college kids with their whole lives ahead of them.
I sat at the rail and had my drink. I looked at the dark mirror behind the bottles and I asked that man on the other side of the glass what the hell he was going to do next.
CHAPTER FIVE
When I woke up the next morning, I saw actual sunlight coming through the window. The snow had stopped sometime during the night. Maybe six or seven inches had come down. The bright light bouncing off all that new snow made my head hurt even more, so I took four aspirin and a hot shower.
I grabbed a quick breakfast downstairs, then checked out and hit the road. As I drove down through the Keweenaw Peninsula, I started working it over in my mind. What exactly was I going to tell Raz about his son? The whole idea had been to make him feel better somehow. To give him some kind of closure so he could move on with his life. That it may have been largely his fault, his absolute worst fear come true, was probably not the kind of closure he had in mind.
I was taking the southwestern route out of Copper Country, so whether it was a completely conscious decision or not, I was making a slight detour through Toivola. When I got there, I took a right down that same lonely road to Misery Bay. I just had to see the place one more time. I wasn’t even exactly sure why.
Maybe it was because I felt as though I knew the kid so much better now. Like now it would hit me that much harder to see where he breathed his last breath. The new snow hadn’t been plowed, so I fishtailed my way down those sixteen miles until I got to the end. I parked in the same spot, got out, and walked over to the same tree with the red ribbon still tied around it. The whole place looked different now with the sun shining. Yet somehow I still had that same raw feeling of uneasiness just being there.
I stood under the same spot and looked up at the branch where he had looped his rope. It was sturdy enough to hold his weight. I could see that much. I had an urge to climb the tree, to work my way out on that branch so I could see the exact spot where the rope came in contact with the bark.
I didn’t end up climbing the tree. One fatality here was more than enough. Instead, I went back to the truck, reached in, and opened up the toolbox that was on the passenger’s side floor. I found the pair of scissors I used to cut the plastic sheets for the cabin windows. I got out and went back to the tree. There were a few inches of loose red ribbon on either side of the bow. I cut about two inches from one side and looked at it closely. The color was already beginning to fade.
This is all I’ll bring back to him, I thought. Just two inches from a red ribbon tied around the tree. I won’t bring back the great weight I’ve been given. I won’t bring back the truth about what was really bothering this kid that night. I’ll leave it right here forever. Right here on the shores of Misery Bay.
I hit Marquette about two hours later. I stopped to gas up and while I had an actual signal on my cell phone I figured I’d call ahead to Raz. I dialed his cell phone number, listened to it ring a few times. It went through to voice mail.
“This is Alex,” I said. “I’m on my way back. I should be in the Soo between two and three o’clock. I’ll give you another call when I get closer.”
There were a few seconds of dead air while I decided what to say next.
“I hope you’re doing okay today,” I finally said. “I’ll talk to you soon.”
I hung up the phone and hit the road again. The sun was still out, but on the open stretches the wind was whipping the snow back and forth across the road. I kept driving, back through all of the little towns I had passed on my way out the day before.
I drove straight through on M-28, all the way into Sault Ste. Marie. If I was going to lie to Raz’s face, I wanted to get it done with as soon as possible. I picked up the cell phone and called him again. Once again it went through to voice mail. I hung up and dialed the police department. I asked for Chief Maven. I had to wait a few minutes, but he finally came onto the line.
“McKnight! Where are you? What’s going on?”
“I’m just looking for Raz,” I said. “I’m almost back to the Soo.”
“Did you call him?”
“Yes, I did.” I resisted saying anything else. Like why the hell would I not do that first?
“He’s not answering?”
“No,” I said. Count to three in your head. “He’s not answering.”
“Well, he’s at my house. Give him a call there. Maybe his cell phone’s dead.” He gave me the number.
“Okay, I’ll try him there.”
“How did it go out there, anyway?”
“I found out a few things about his son. He had a lot of great friends.”
“Is Raz going to be okay with what you tell him?”
“Yes,” I said. “I think he will be.”
“McKnight, so help me God, if you add one more ounce of pain to that man’s soul…”
“Hey, you’re the one who asked me to help, remember? So save the attitude.”
“All right, relax. I’m just saying…”
“It was just like you were thinking, Chief. A total fluke thing. One bad day in his life.”
“Are you just saying what you think you’re supposed to say?”
You’re making this hard, I thought. There’s nobody else on this earth who can make things hard like you can.
“It’s the truth,” I said. “I’ll tell that to Raz.”
“Okay, then. Give him a call. Tell him I’ll be home in a few hours.”
“I will, Chief.”
