TWENTY-SEVEN
Ben seemed determined to be at his best in Leeds. The family hadn't been in the bookshop two minutes before he had charmed the staff, complimenting them on the window display for The Boy Who Caught The Snowflakes, one copy of which looked crystalline with silvery glitter. After that the generously chinned proprietress and her two assistants, both of whom were uniformed in overalls like hers which made them resemble fractions of her, couldn't do enough for the Sterlings, enquiring anxiously whether the chairs at the table where they were to sit were comfortable enough, bringing them and Johnny and Margaret drinks, making sure everyone who set foot in the shop knew there was a book signing, even a diminutive pink-eyed man who was trying to remain unobtrusive while straining on tiptoe to reach the erotica. As customers began to approach the table, Ben brightened further. 'Is this for you? You look young enough to me,' he told a grandmother who wanted the book inscribed to her grandson for Christmas. He talked to customers about the kinds of book their children liked or, if they were children, about the adventures which were snow and the lengthening nights. 'They're our mum and dad, you know,' Johnny informed anyone who came near him. Three of Ellen's students turned up to buy a copy each of the book, but it was undoubtedly Ben's show, and she felt happy for him.
The last people in the queue were a reporter and photographer from a local newspaper. The reporter wanted only to check that they lived locally enough to be of some parochial significance. 'Let's have your brats in the picture to add a bit of interest,' the photographer said, and Ben hugged the family so hard that Ellen gasped. When the photographer said 'That'll do' Ben continued to hold on for several seconds, as if he was afraid to let go.
Afterwards they walked through the premature Advent of the city streets. Though Johnny was beginning to entertain doubts about Father Christmas, he wanted to visit his avatar. Ben and Ellen took the children into a department store and waited outside the grotto, whose evergreen plastic entrance was emitting scrawny carols, while Johnny queued and Margaret went off to look at clothes by herself, feeling grown-up. 'What do you think?' Ellen asked Ben. 'Have we started off well?'
He was looking bemused by the thin singing which seemed to hover in the air. 'Are you pleased?' he said.
'I thought we did rather well for beginners.'
'If you're pleased, then I am.'
'More to the point, the bookshop and the public were, particularly with you.'
'The world's ready for me, you think? Wherever I go there'll be children around me? Ben Sterling, magnet of imagination, Pied Piper of the collective unconscious. Myths restored while you wait, tales retold which you'd forgotten you knew, dreams dreamed on your behalf while you sit closer to your fire…'
He was gazing across the cosmetics counter, at his reflection framed in an oval of seasonal glitter, and Ellen felt as if he was scarcely aware of her – as if, perhaps, he was taking refuge in the kind of almost automatic response which he'd produced for the customers at the bookshop. 'Just do the best you can on your walkabout next week,' she said, 'and then it'll practically be Christmas.'
'I can't take any responsibility for that.'
'Not even for making our first Christmas in Stargrave special? I mean to, for all of us.'
'I'm sure this year will be special.'
Johnny came out of the grotto just then, wearing his grin which meant he had a tale to tell his parents, and he reminded her so much of his father that her love for both of them seized her deep inside herself. Ben grinned like that sometimes, like a little boy with a secret to share, and she hoped he always would. He was still the person she'd fallen in love with, and she mustn't let herself feel lonely if sometimes that person had to go into hiding inside him. 'What was so funny?' she said.
'Father Christmas kept sniffing,' Johnny giggled, 'and the boy in front of me asked him if he was sniffing the glue that kept his beard on.'
'That's how you can tell he wasn't real,' Ben said. 'A real
Father Christmas wouldn't need chemicals to give him visions. He'd spend the year dreaming of flying over the snow and ice under the stars, dreams like snowstorms that take all year to gather until the days are shortest and it's time for him to rise.'
'That could be a book,' Ellen suggested.
'What could?' Margaret said, emerging from among the teenage fashions.
'I've already told it once,' her father said.
Disappointment and rejection and a shaky resolve not to show her emotions in public flickered across Margaret's face until Ellen came to the rescue. 'If your father keeps telling it he may lose the urge to write it,' she explained. 'It was just the idea that Father Christmas spends nearly all year dreaming of when he'll wake up.'
The idea stayed in her mind as she drove out of Leeds. The snow on the moors had all but melted, renewing the colours of the vegetation, shades of moist green which put her in mind of spring. Having at least two books to complete made her feel secure. If by any chance Ben proved not to be inspired by the idea he'd thrown out, she might have a go at writing it herself.
By the time they reached Stargrave, the first stars were glinting above the bridge. The miles of Sterling Forest were composed of night and ice, and seemed somehow to dwarf the lights of the town. The heat of the house welcomed the family, fending off the chill and effacing their breath. After dinner they played Monopoly, using a battered old set of the game, its banknotes crumpled from years of figuring in shops the children pretended to run, one tiny plastic hotel permanently crippled by being chewed and almost swallowed by two- year-old Johnny. Before the game was over, Margaret and Johnny were trying not to shiver. They were overtired, Ellen thought as she hurried them to bed, though perhaps the house was also chilly with a cold which seemed to settle on it from above. Only Ben was unaffected by the chill, unless that was why he grew randy once the children were out of the way. She pulled the duvet over his shoulders as he slid bulging into her, then she rubbed his body hard, trying to keep the chill at bay. When he subsided she held onto him. That didn't seem to keep the chill outside their bed, but soon she was so drowsy that it didn't bother her. She drifted into sleep which felt soft as snow, only to be wakened by a small voice in the dark.
It was Johnny. He was standing by the bed, huddling against the edge of the mattress. When she reached for his hand she discovered that he was shivering. 'What's the matter, Johnny?'
'It wants to come in.'
He sounded more asleep than awake, yet close to tears. Ellen let go of his hand in order to slip out of bed and fumble her way into her dressing-gown, then steered him out of the room. 'You've been dreaming,' she murmured. 'Let's get you back to bed.'
He halted abruptly, and her hipbone struck the banister. For a moment she thought she would fall into the gaping darkness of the stairwell. 'I heard it,' he insisted.
She switched on the landing light and squatted in front of him to scrutinise his bleary rumpled stubborn face. 'What do you think you heard?'
'The dog,' he wailed as if she was affecting not to have heard it. 'It's cold. It can't get in.'
'If there's a dog its owner will hear it. We don't want you catching cold as well.' She went down three stairs and led him after her, but he had taken only a few reluctant steps when he stiffened. 'It's there,' he said with a kind of unhappy triumph.
Ellen had already heard it – a distant howling somewhere above the house. It was worse than mournful; it was so distorted that it sounded like the cry of some new creature which was lost in the dark. 'Whoever owns it must have heard it by now, Johnny. Snuggle back into bed.'
He wouldn't close his eyes until she promised to stay with him while he tried to go to sleep. She sat on the end of his bed, hugging herself, willing slumber to take him before the howling rose any higher; it was turning into a thin hoarse shriek. When at last he fell reluctantly asleep she tiptoed up to the workroom. Of course she couldn't see the animal. The prospect from the window lingered in her mind as she sought sleep: the sight of the forest gleaming like an immense skeleton while the black sky blinked and the unseen creature howled as if the lonely dark had found a voice.
In the morning there was no sound above the house. Johnny seemed to have slept off his concern for the dog until Ellen drove past a knot of sorrowful townsfolk outside the post office. 'It wasn't Golly, was it?' he
