topped bus, which Anna loved. Mummy hung onto her as she craned out to see the heathery heath above West Runton, the glimpse through trees of the ruins of Beeston Priory, which always made her feel mysteriously expectant at the same time as it made her think about bees. In Sheringham she played hide-and-seek through the trains in the railway museum, a station with posters that were older than daddy or mummy, and wandered along the promenade that ran, twisty as a stream, beneath the fishermen's white cottages. Mummy and daddy walked hand in hand behind her. She thought it was the nicest day they'd had together for ages. At least, it was until they returned to Cromer.
Daddy stopped outside the car park, blocking the footpath. 'Jesus Christ,' he said, so loud that people turned to look. 'Look what some bastard's done to my car.'
Someone had dented his door; scraped metal glared through the paint. 'Who was parked next to me?' he said, as if mummy should know. 'I can't remember, can you?'
T think the space was empty,' mummy said, and Anna thought so too. 'Never mind, it doesn't look as if it'll take much repairing.'
'Well, it wouldn't to you, would it? It isn't your car.' He turned on Anna. 'This wouldn't have happened if we hadn't gone on your stupid bus.'
That seemed so unfair that Anna couldn't speak. Her mouth was trembling, her face was growing hot; she thought everyone was looking at her. Mummy put her arm round her. 'For goodness' sake, Alan. There's no need to take it out on her.'
Daddy stalked to the car and glared at the dent. He seemed to calm down eventually, and opened the door. 'Why don't you sit in the back?' he said, as mummy stepped forward. 'Let her ride with me for a change.'
Mummy hesitated; she didn't like Anna to ride in the front. 'Oh, please let me, mummy,' Anna begged. 'I'll put the seat-belt on.' Mummy must have realized she wanted to sit in the front as much to be with daddy and feel that he loved her as for the ride, because she said reluctantly, 'I suppose you're big enough.'
But before Anna had had time to fasten her seat-belt, daddy suddenly drove in a wide angry swoop around the car park and into the road. He had to brake sharply, and she lurched forward, grabbing at the belt.
'Watch what you're doing!' mummy said, in a shocked voice. 'Do you want to kill the child?'
He glared at her in his mirror. 'What the hell is that supposed to mean?'
They were frightening Anna; it was as if it was all her fault somehow. She scrambled over the back of the seat to mummy, accidentally kicking the glove compartment open and spilling a handful of maps. 'That's right,' daddy snarled, 'do some more damage, why don't you?'
'Perhaps I'd better drive,' mummy said, hugging her and giving her a secret look which meant Never mind, he doesn't mean it really.
'Fuck off.' He pulled out in front of a car that just managed to brake in time, and went swerving through the traffic toward the coast road. This time Anna didn't feel like giggling at what he'd said. She was too aware how worried mummy was about his driving.
He slowed down once they reached the coast road, and drove without speaking. Anna was afraid to speak too, both during the drive and at dinner afterwards; all the little noises she made while eating made her nervous – she was afraid he would shout at her again. Mummy talked to her, perhaps to tell her that she needn't keep quiet, but Anna had never been so glad to go to bed.
That night she dreamed of the Cowardly Lion again, but managed not to cry out when she woke, in case daddy came to her. She didn't think she would sleep again, but when she woke she was surprised to find it was morning. Today she was going to the hotel with mummy. She was glad that daddy was too busy to come down for breakfast – if he was finding it hard to work, he would blame her.? She didn't enjoy the nursery as much as she hoped she would. It was so muggy and hot under the whitish sky. The toddlers pushed her away and whined for their mummies, and wouldn't play with her or be looked after. The older children didn't want her either, and she just felt in the way. She was glad when mummy came out of the bar to get her at lunchtime.
But mummy wasn't taking her in the bar. 'I've just spoken to daddy on the phone. He wants us to meet him on the beach for lunch.'
Her face told Anna that everything was all right now. She went on: 'He's been writing all morning. He was just ratty yesterday. You know how he can be. He wouldn't hurt you on purpose.'
As they went down the sandy path to the beach, they could see him, a tiny figure in the distance beside a dab of green paint that was the thermos bag. The sea came rushing to meet them, louder and louder. Anna began to run, because she could see Joseph with his back to daddy – Joseph stooping about the beach, bow-legged, in search? of pebbles.
She hadn't quite reached Joseph when he looked up. She saw him gape, drop a handful of pebbles that squealed as they fell on the beach, then look behind him. Suddenly he was stumbling away from her and daddy, so clumsily that he splashed into the sea and almost fell. He didn't stop until he was beyond Seaview, the falling road, and had scrambled up the next cliff path.
Anna felt like crying. Why had he run away? She had only wanted to say hello and find him a special pebble. But then daddy grabbed her and threw her in the air, until she couldn't think for giggling and screaming. 'Never mind,' he shouted. 'We don't need that silly bugger, do we? Let's see what we've got for our picnic'
He'd packed the thermos bag full: cold chicken, cheese, salad, half a bottle of lemonade for Anna, a bottle of wine for him and mummy and maybe, though mummy didn't really approve, a little bit for Anna too. He kept standing behind Anna and saying, 'Here you are, madam,' like a waiter when he poured her wine. She was cheering up, but she wished she knew why Joseph had run away, wished she could bring him back to ask him…
When they'd finished eating, daddy chased her up and down the beach. Mummy joined in for a while, then she lay down in the sun. Daddy kept chasing, and Anna dodged him, onto the sea wall or onto the wooden groynes, but she wasn't really enjoying herself any more; daddy's nails were so long that he scratched her whenever he caught her. She was glad when mummy called, 'That's enough now.'
Daddy lay down with the Sunday papers. Mummy was already nodding with the heat. Restless, Anna began to hunt for shells and stones for Rebecca. 'Don't go out of sight,' mummy called.
Anna tired of the pebbles after a while. She went to the edge of the sea and watched a water-skier racing by on his V of water. She was tempted to see if she could walk along one of the groynes above the waves, try to walk as far as one of the breakwaters – giant iron arrows, orange with rust and green with weed – but the seaweed that trailed from the groynes made the timber look as if it was swaying, and she knew it would be slippery. She watched the shadow of the nearest breakwater for a while, drawing itself in over the waves like the shadow of a sundial, and listened to the sea; she thought she could hear pebbles rattling back into the sea with each wave.
A movement made her look at the top of the cliff. Several big boys with haversacks and red knees had been picnicking near the pillbox; now they tramped away. She glanced at her parents: mummy was asleep, daddy was fanning himself with the colour supplement – then she shaded her eyes and gazed up the cliff. She couldn't see the goats anywhere.
She went back to her parents, and stumbled on the stones as she watched the cliff. The only movement up there was a glimpse of red by the pillbox. It looked wet, but it was gone before she could make it out. 'Daddy, I can't see the goats,' she said.
'Can't you?' He seemed half-asleep, and annoyed that she had disturbed him. 'Well, never mind.'
He was no use. If she asked him to go up and look, he'd only be ratty. If she told him why she wanted to go up, he might tell her not to – grown-ups were like that sometimes, they didn't understand how important things could be. 'Please may I have some more lemonade?' she said.
'You've drunk it all.'
'Can I go and get some more?'
'Yes, if you like,' he said wearily. 'Just be quick.'
He seemed glad to get rid of her. She clambered over the sea wall and ran to the path up the cliff before he could change his mind. She kept staring upward as she climbed. Grass shivered in the wind, a few wispy clouds drifted by above the edge; she felt as if the cliff were shifting. She glanced down at the beach as it fell away beneath her. Mummy and daddy were small as dolls now, and very far away. The wind blustered in her ears until she couldn't hear anything else. Would daddy hear her if she called out? She was beginning to wish that she hadn't come up by herself, that she'd woken mummy and asked her to come with her, but she had to go on now, to make
