He was in the lounge opposite the games room. She had almost run past the doorway before she saw him in a chair by the window, peering at a newspaper by the foggy light that hung above the shrinking lawn. He didn't look as if he was actually reading. Perhaps he just wanted to be by himself, for his smile at her was quick and dismissive. 'Going out?' he said.
'Mummy says I have to stay in.'
'I expect she knows best.' He lowered his head to the newspaper until she couldn't see his face. 'Well, I'll see you around,' he said.
He didn't understand, he hadn't seen how desperate she was. She was shifting from one foot to the other; she felt as if she was going to wet her pants. She couldn't think what to say about mummy, she couldn't bring herself to say anything – and mummy might come downstairs at any minute. If she got him out of the chair and away from the newspaper, she might be able to tell him. 'Will you play table tennis with me?' she blurted.
'All right, I'll give you a game later.' He turned a page, but she was sure now he wasn't reading. 'Before I open up.'
She was going to wet herself from fear. She pressed her legs together, bit her lip viciously. 'Will you now?' she pleaded.
He let the newspaper droop away from him and gazed at her. 'All right,' he said at last, 'if you're that desperate. It isn't as though I've anything better to do.'
All the same, he peered at the newspaper for a while before he stood up. He must have been trying to read after all. He strolled across to the games room, while she pleaded silently with him to hurry up before mummy found her. She couldn't say anything until they started playing – she didn't know why.
He took the bats and ball from their cupboard by the snooker table. 'Come on, then,' he said, seeing her hesitating in the doorway.
In fact she was desperately trying to think what to say. She wished she hadn't asked him to play table tennis now. It had been the first thing she'd thought of to get him out from behind the newspaper, but she was no good at the game. She was struggling to hit the ball when she ought to be telling him about mummy. He was sending her easy ones to hit, he was letting her return ones that didn't bounce on his side of the table, but all she wanted was to get rid of the ball and give herself a chance to talk. She slashed wildly at the ball with the edge of the bat, and the ball bounced under the snooker table.
She was crawling to retrieve it when she realized this was her chance. She'd start telling him as soon as she stood up; she wouldn't play any more. She scrambled to her feet with the ball in her hand, and then she realized something that made her stomach feel like a stone: she couldn't say anything about mummy. She couldn't even open her mouth.
'Your serve,' Jimmy said, but all she could do was bounce the ball and try to hit it over the net. It took her three tries before it went over. She couldn't tell anyone about mummy, it was too horrible a thing to say, so much so that it paralyzed her mouth. The more she tried to say it, the less able she was. She tried to hit the ball and felt as if she'd turned into a machine. She was trapped inside herself.
Someone was coming along the corridor from the foyer.
It sounded like Gail; she must want Jimmy for something. Suddenly Anna was praying that she'd take him away for just a little while, just long enough for her to get ready to tell him about mummy. She had to tell him, however much it hurt, because the thought of being alone with mummy for another night was even worse. She turned as Gail reached the doorway. Perhaps she could tell both of them. But it wasn't Gail in the corridor, it was mummy.
Anna turned away at once, terrified that mummy would see in her face what she'd been about to do. Perhaps mummy already had, for she went to sit in the lounge where she could watch them. 'Just keeping her out of mischief,' Jimmy called to her. Anna knew that mummy didn't want to watch the game, she was making sure that Anna couldn't tell.
The next time Anna had to scramble after the ball, she risked a glance at mummy. Mummy was watching her as if she was an insect that had got into the hotel, and mummy was just waiting for her to come close enough to squash. Anna hit the ball blindly, missed the return. How could she make mummy go away so that she could tell? Maybe she could say that she wanted a drink or that Gail had been looking for mummy – but they were desperate ideas, not even worth trying. She hacked at the ball, which bounced along the snooker table and rolled into a pocket. By now she was playing because she was afraid to stop.
While Jimmy was finding another ball she heard footsteps in the corridor. Could it be someone for mummy? Would whoever it was come and take her away? The slow footsteps halted between the doorways, and a man looked both ways as if it were a crossroads. He was Joseph's father, Mr Mullen, the gardener. He stared at mummy and then at Jimmy, and seemed not to like either of them. After a while he tramped away down the corridor, and Anna turned away, frightened by mummy's eyes.
She missed the next ball, which rolled toward the lounge. She managed to grab it before it went in. As she stood up, Mr Mullen came back, wearing gloves now and carrying a pair of shears. He was going to do some work on the gardens while the fog kept people out of his way. He halted between the doorways and stared at her. His eyes were shiny and blank, and she could smell something funny on his breath. After a while he said, 'You want to stay away from him.'
His fierceness made her unable to move, though she wanted to flee into the games room. 'Why?' she blurted out.
'You ask him. Ask him what happens to his girlfriends.'
He wasn't really talking to her, he was talking to Jimmy. Realizing that, she backed away into the games room and threw the ball to Jimmy before it could crack in her fist. He bounced it on the table, kept bouncing it, for Mr Mullen hadn't gone away. 'Go on, you ask him about his girlfriends,' Mr Mullen said. 'God help them.'
Jimmy slapped the ball down viciously with his bat. He was trying to ignore Mr Mullen, but failing. 'What's that supposed to mean?'
'What’s that supposed to mean?' Mr Mullen was putting on an idiot's voice. 'We all know about your girlfriend,' he said in his usual voice. 'Dope's the word, isn't it? The word for her and what she uses. I suppose you use it as well.'
Jimmy threw the bat on the table; the crack made Anna jump. 'Yes I do, as a matter of fact. It does nobody any harm.'
'A pair of damned fools. I'll bet you live together as well. What are you going to do if you get her pregnant, son? Get rid of it? It'd be better off dead than living with you two.' He was spitting with sudden fury. 'By God, my boy Joseph's supposed to be an idiot, but he's – he's a genius compared with you and your girlfriend. And they're going to let you teach youngsters, are they? My God, what are you going to do to them?'
'Undo the harm their parents have done to some of them, I hope. The absolute authority of parents is fascism in the home. Hardly anyone cares, even when they know what's going on.'
Their fury terrified Anna. She wished she could run to mummy, but mummy was the last person she could turn to. All she'd wanted was to talk to Jimmy, but he no longer seemed to realize she was there. Could she plead with mummy to get Gail? Might mummy even take Mr Mullen away?
Mr Mullen was jeering at Jimmy, who lost his temper completely. 'You didn't seem to do your own son much good,' he said.
Mr Mullen's face seemed to darken and swell, and Anna retreated behind Jimmy. Why was mummy still sitting and watching? Why didn't she stop them? 'Look, I'm sorry I said that,' Jimmy said, sounding ashamed. 'Let's both forget everything we said, all right?'
'Yes, you'd like to forget what I said, wouldn't you? I haven't said the half of it.' He waved the shears as he tried to think what else he had to say. 'Not much chance of you two having children, anyway. I don't suppose you even have your girlfriend in the normal way.'
Jimmy sounded bored and disgusted. 'Oh, go away.'
'Don't you tell me to go away. Don't you tell me what to do. I've been here since before you were born. I'll teach you to tell me to go away.' Waving the shears more dangerously, he lurched into the room. As Jimmy stepped in front of Anna, Mr Mullen kept coming, brandishing the shears. 'Go away – don't be bloody stupid,' Jimmy said, with an edge to his voice. He stepped back toward Anna, then he halted, blocking Mr Mullen's way. As Mr Mullen raised the shears above his head, Jimmy punched him in the face.
Just as Mr Mullen fell on his back, blood pouring from his nose, Gail appeared in the doorway. She must
