“I don’t need another psychiatrist,” she said.
For a few minutes we sat in an uneasy silence, then I sent up a quick prayer that the words I was about to utter would do more good than harm. “Do you want to end up like your mother?” I asked.
The effect was electric. “What do you know about her?” Bryn said, and the fear in her voice was genuine.
“I’ve watched Black Spikes and Slow Waves. Her future was so filled with promise, Bryn. It was terrible to watch her destroy herself.”
“It was her choice,” Bryn said coldly.
I leaned towards her. “Yes, and what happens to you next is your choice. I know what your father did to you. Yesterday, I saw part of the film he was making of your life.”
Bryn jumped up so suddenly that her leg caught on the edge of the table. Tears of rage and pain filled her eyes. “Damn him,” she said. “Even after his throat is slit, he’s still hurting me.”
I went to her. “Don’t let him,” I said. “Don’t be another woman whose life is destroyed by Evan MacLeish. You have an appointment with the psychiatrist Jill told you about at eight o’clock. Keep the appointment, Bryn. Give the doctor a chance to help you. Give yourself a chance.”
“Will you take me?”
“Of course, but Jill will want to do it.”
Bryn shook her head. “I don’t want her to. I want to start fresh with her – whole, like a normal person. That’s what I was trying to do in church Christmas Eve. I wanted to be washed of sin, born again – the way those ministers on TV in the middle of the night say people can be.” She buried her face in her hands. “I know how crazy that sounds…”
“Not crazy at all,” I said. “Why don’t you grab something to eat and get dressed. Since you’re the first appointment, Dan might be able to sneak us in a bit early.”
Bryn and I left the house at 7:40 a.m. At 7:43, I checked my rearview mirror and spotted an all-too familiar silver Audi. Alex Kequahtooway was a skilful cop. On the day he’d graduated from the police college, he had known how to tail a car unobtrusively. That morning he didn’t make the slightest attempt to disguise his mission. Alex wanted me to know he was there. I wasn’t Bruce Willis. I had no special knowledge about how to lose a tail, and I was afraid of car chases. I continued following the route I always took to Wallace Street, observing the speed limit, stopping at lights and school zones, and exercising due caution.
When the Audi pulled up across the road from me at Dan Kasperski’s, I ignored it. I walked Bryn briskly into the office at the back of the house, introduced her to Dan, waited till they had established a comfort zone, and beat a hasty retreat. The Audi was still there. Alex was talking on his cell. I strode up to the car and tapped on the door. He turned towards me and rolled down the window. “What can I do for you?” he asked.
“Just wanted to commend you on your vigilance,” I said.
“I’m not as vigilant as you are, Jo – visiting Dan Kasperski twice in two days – once with Jill and her lawyer in tow.”
“You had someone watching us?”
“ I was watching you. There’s been a lot of activity at your house.”
“It’s the holiday season,” I said. “People come and go.”
“True,” he said. “And they make telephone calls.”
His eyes bored into me, waiting for my reaction. I met his gaze, and when I responded my voice was steady. “So the call about the prescription bottle in the garbage bin did come from my house,” I said.
“You know I can’t confirm that.”
“Then I guess we don’t have anything more to talk about.”
My hand was resting on the edge of the window. For the briefest of seconds, Alex covered it with his own gloved hand. “Be careful who you trust, Jo,” he said.
“I will,” I said. “You be careful too.”
A fire smouldered in Dan’s fireplace. I rifled through the reading material in the magazine rack designated for the parents and caretakers of his young clients. I chose a women’s magazine I hadn’t picked up since the early days of my marriage. I’d loved the magazine then for its recipes and for its short fiction, gossamer thin plots with spunky romantic heroines. The feature article in the current issue was on sex games that would add zip to my relationship. I soldiered through “Beat the Clock” (no penetration until a pre-set timer goes off), “Spanking the Bad Girl” (no penetration until after paddling), and “The Love that Binds” (no penetration until your partner has tied you to the bedpost), but when I hit “A Close Shave” (no penetration until he’s lathered and shaved your pubic area), I knew the world had passed me by. I slid the magazine back in the rack and returned to my thoughts.
They were not comforting. Alex had confirmed my theory that Bryn had called the police, but I didn’t know what had motivated her call. She had hinted that she was protecting Jill, but from what? Bryn prided herself on knowing what was going on. She had either witnessed or engineered the deposit of the pill bottle in the dumpster. Which was it? By the time Bryn and Dan emerged from the backyard office, the questions were multiplying exponentially, and I was longing for the uncomplicated pleasures of “A Close Shave.”
It was immediately apparent that Bryn had decided to trust Dan Kasperski. As they walked down the snowy path towards the house, their faces were serious, but Bryn’s body had lost its supermodel runway rigidity. Their banter as I pulled on my boots and coat was easy and natural. When Dan suggested Bryn meet him at the same time the next morning, she was enthusiastic. “I’ll be here,” she said. “Early again, if that’s okay.”
“Early is good,” Dan said. “Be strong.”
“I will,” she said. As we drove home, Bryn sang Dan’s praises. “He’s so easy to talk to,” she said. “My other shrinks didn’t talk at all – they just pretended to listen. But Dan really listens, and he cares about what I say. Joanne, he cares about me. He’s on my side. Dan says seeing those movies my father made about me helped him come to know me.”
“Understanding what happened to your mother might give him even more insight.”
“What my mother did to herself shows zero insight. You saw how beautiful she was, but you know what she did? She ruined her beauty. She slit her wrist with a razor blade. She didn’t die, of course, but she gave herself these huge Frankenstein scars. She always covered them up with a bracelet, but I knew the scars were there.”
“That’s why you were so upset about the bracelet Jill gave you?”
Bryn didn’t answer. We pulled into the driveway, but instead of getting out, Bryn raised her arms towards me so that the cuffs of her coat fell back. The blue tracery of veins in her pale skin was as delicate as a design in fine porcelain.
“See, no scars,” she said. “The inside of me may be totally fucked up, but the part people can see is perfect.”
Jill was on the telephone when we walked in the door. “All I’m asking is that you handle it till I get things straightened out here. I just got off the phone with the network, and this can be big for us. But I can’t do it now. I’m in the middle of two murder investigations and my stepdaughter is having a breakdown.”
Bryn grabbed the phone from Jill’s hand and slammed down the receiver. “Don’t you ever say that again,” she said. “I’m not a mental case.”
Jill was clearly stricken. “I’m sorry. I should have been more careful about my language. I was trying to make sure I was here to protect you.”
“I don’t need protecting,” Bryn said. “I’m getting help. Joanne took me to see Dan Kasperski this morning.”
Jill whirled to face me. “Bryn’s my responsibility.”
Bryn moved to position herself between us. “I’m seventeen years old, Jill,” she said. “I’m responsible for myself.” She touched Jill’s arm. “Why don’t we go somewhere and have a cup of coffee and talk about it.”
For a beat, Jill was silent, taking the measure of her newly responsible stepdaughter, then she smiled. “I’d like that,” she said.
I walked upstairs thinking how pleasant it would be to open my bedroom door and find a congenial man waiting with a blindfold and some dark designs on my body. What I got was Taylor, Willie, and the cats having a tug-of-war with an old towel.
“This room is supposed to be my oasis of tranquility,” I said. “Dogs, cats, and kids are only allowed in here on serious business.”
