needed a little more time to compose himself before talking to this bird he could barely remember. What did she do, how old was she? He wasn’t too bothered about what she was called – he never remembered people’s names. People rarely had conversations in which their names played any real part, as he knew from long experience. On the other hand, he had to prepare himself for the unwanted affection she might show him, and at the same time work out how to get rid of her without hurting or insulting her. As it was Sunday it was ludicrous for him to pretend that he needed to go to work, so he was in trouble. He wondered what time it was. Was she likely to wake up soon? He tried to look at his alarm clock on the bedside table, but had to lift his head to see over the girl. He took care not to make the bed springs squeak. It was only ten thirty. He breathed a little easier. He couldn’t really remember when they had got home, let alone what time they had fallen asleep. The smell in the room suggested that it hadn’t been all that long since they’d finished. He also felt sure that he’d kept drinking late into the night.
Why the hell hadn’t he taken his lawyer’s advice? What was so hard about staying away from girls for a few months? The time would pass quickly, and it wasn’t as if he would actually miss them. Surprisingly, he was even getting bored with how easy it was to get them. All he needed to do was go to a club, sit down at the bar and pretend to be lost in thought. Within minutes some drunkgirl would appear next to him and start chattering away. It wasn’t exciting any more, if it ever had been. It was about as challenging as fishing with a dragnet at a fish farm. The psychologist they’d forced him to see said that he was one of those men a particular type of woman found attractive, and with that came a great deal of responsibility. Oh, sure. Why should he have to shoulder the blame? They could do that themselves. It wasn’t his fault he sent out some sort of involuntary primal signal that charmed the opposite sex.
Anyway, clearly the worst case scenario was that more women would start to press charges, or even just blog about him. Even so, he couldn’t resist temptation. He had to get a grip on himself. The money was within reach, so close he could hear it rustling. If he could just think of that and let it suffice whenever his longing for women crashed over him.
He would have little use for money if he was found guilty. And how would he get women then? Waste all his money on prostitutes? He was flooded with self-loathing again, and his headache intensified. He let out a moan, and to his horror the wretched girl’s eyelids flickered. Adolf held his breath and waited. She didn’t wake up, and he relaxed slightly – but not for long, as suddenly her eyes opened and she stared straight ahead, still woozy with sleep. He watched her eyes dart around as she tried to figure out where she was. Finally they came to rest on him, and her face broke into a wide smile as she pulled herself out from under the duvet.
‘Good morning,’ she said, her voice slightly hoarse.
‘Good morning,’ he replied.‘How do you feel?’ He tried not to let his voice betray the fact that he couldn’t care less.
‘I’ve felt better,’ she admitted. ‘Do you have any Coke?’ She gave him a look that was doubtless meant to be seductive, but which stirred no feelings in him bar irritation. He might have found it cute if she’d looked better, but the smudged make-up and lack-of-sleep-face didn’t do much for her. Maybe she was good-looking under normal circumstances; for her sake, he hoped so.
‘Absolutely,’ he said as he half raised himself off the bed. He swept his feet over the edge but had to wait for the dizziness to pass before standing up. He must stop drinking. Or at least cut down. He stood up and had to wait another moment before he could walk steadily into the kitchen. He knew without looking that the girl was staring at his naked body, and it aroused him despite how poorly he felt. On his way through the room he looked around for a cigarette and spotted a half-crumpled pack on the coffee table, next to an overflowing ashtray. As he fished a bent cigarette from the packet he made a mental note to buy a bigger ashtray. His lighter lay in a dried-up pool of red wine on the table. After several attempts he finally conjured a flame from it and lit his cigarette. He inhaled hard and let smoke leak from his mouth without exhaling. Now all he needed was a Coke, and things would start looking up. He went into the kitchen with the burning cigarette in his mouth and pulled open the refrigerator. Coke was one thing that he always made sure he had, in bottles of all different sizes. He took the top off a two- litre bottle and gulped down the cold soda, which would help to settle his upset stomach.
As the refrigerator door swung shut he noticed a note that he’d stuck there a long time ago but hadn’t remembered to throw away when it no longer served its purpose. Alda -6:00 Weds. Adolf tore it off, crumpled it and threw the ball of paper in the direction of the open rubbish bin, where it hit the rim and rolled back across the floor. It stopped at his feet and rocked there for a moment. Adolf looked down at it for a second then kicked it, sending it skimming across the floor into a corner. It was best to forget everything about that woman, as soon as possible. He had seen to it that she would leave him in peace from now on.
Adolf turned away from the ball of paper and focused his mind on the present. He couldn’t remember whether they’d used any contraception, and considering the fog that surrounded his memories of last night, he doubted it. He would have to take his own precautions. It was bad enough paying child support for one love-brat. They were pretty hefty, those payments. He reached into the kitchen cabinet for a glass. None of his glasses were the same; he’d collected them from here and there. He rummaged around until he found what he was looking for: a thick dark blue tumbler, almost opaque. Next he pulled out a drawer and grabbed an envelope from inside. From the envelope he took six little white tablets which he ground with a spoon on a cracked saucer. Four was probably enough, but he felt more confident using six as he would be in no position to make sure that the girl took the second dose, which was recommended for twenty-four hours later. He stirred the powder into the Coke and looked down into the glass, happy with the result. Only a tiny bit was left floating on top. He fished out the white speck with his index finger and licked it off. It could hardly do him any harm. Adolf picked up the envelope to close it, and felt it before he stuck it back in the drawer, discovering much to his sorrow that there were only two tablets left. He would have to get more, right away.
Adolf screwed the plastic cap shut on the Coke and held the bottle in one hand. Then he lifted the glass and tilted it as if he were toasting an invisible friend, before turning back into the bedroom. On his way in he wondered how best to get rid of the girl without any repercussions. The morning- after contraceptives in the glass would only win half the battle; he would also have to throw up a blockade against their getting to know each other any better. He didn’t have much time to think things over, so he decided to use an old excuse that had served him well. He would say that he was getting over a difficult break-up and that he couldn’t commit to anything right now. He would conclude by asking her whether he could phone her after he’d sorted his head out, since he felt there was something really special about her. She would swallow this hook, line and sinker – everyone wanted to be special. If she only knew how incredibly average she was. By tonight he wouldn’t even remember the colour of her hair. He stubbed out his cigarette in the overflowing ashtray, which pushed two other stubs onto the table. Christ. Maybe he could trick her into helping him clean up, or even better: get her to clean up without him having to help at all.
‘Coke,’ he said, waving the glass to and fro. He stood in the doorway and leaned against the doorpost.‘Would you like a drink?’
The girl looked up and licked her dry lips.‘Oh, yes please.’
She smiled and sat up, making the bedcover fall from her breasts. She did nothing to try to cover them. Adolf smiled back. Nor was there any reason to hide such beautiful breasts. He sat on the edge of the bed next to her and handed her the glass. She took big gulps as if her life depended on it and Adolf watched her chest rise and fall. She removed the glass from her mouth and took a deep breath. ‘God, I’m so hungover.’ She handed him the nearly empty glass. ‘You want some?’
He took the glass but did not drink. Instead he placed it and the Coke bottle on the bedside table and moved closer to the girl. Now it would be fun to find out what she was like in bed – he recalled so little about last night. Afterwards he could give her the speech about how emotionally handicapped he was at the moment. He was, after all, wasting his last tablets on her. A little smile crept over his lips. The story wasn’t exactly a lie. He was emotionally damaged. His dealings with that bitch Alda proved it. A nasty giggle slipped out and he saw from the girl’s expression that she wasn’t completely sure what to do. How ridiculous. As if this girl had any choice. No meant no- he was completely prepared to accept that. The trick was to suppress the no before it emerged, prevent it from being said. He kissed the helpless girl on the forehead and placed his hand lightly over her mouth.
