My heart sank.
During his stay at the mansion, Jude went with us to parties, but at the end of a night’s carousing, as the group of us made our way to our chambers, Adair would block Jude from following us into the bedroom, throwing a shoulder against the door with a cold smirk and a cheery good night.
Jude’s stay was short. He spent an afternoon behind closed doors with Adair in the study, after which I saw Jude dropping coins into his purse; clearly Adair was compensating him for something.
The day Jude was to leave us, he sought me out as I sat sewing in the morning room, taking advantage of the light. He bowed before me as though I was the lady of the house, holding his hat in his hands.
“Needlework? I’m surprised you take up needle and thread any longer, Lanore. Surely you have servants to attend to chores,” he said. “Although, it’s a good idea to practice your skills. Life with Adair won’t always be like this, you know-the big house, servants, riches at your fingertips. There will be lean times when you will need to take care of yourself, if my experience serves me,” he said, smiling ruefully.
“Thank you for that piece of advice,” I said, icily, making a great show of my tolerance for his presence. “But you see that I am busy-is there a reason you’ve sought me out?”
“I’ll not be imposing on your goodwill any longer, Miss Lanore,” he said, almost meekly. “I take my leave today.”
“My goodwill? My feelings do not enter into whether you are welcome in this house or not. Adair’s wishes are all that matter.”
The preacher chuckled at this, dusting his hat against his leg. “Lanore, surely you know that Adair considers your wishes in most things? He is very taken with you. I think you must be quite special to him. I don’t mind telling you that I’ve never seen him act this way before… He’s never been so smitten by a woman, I daresay.” I have to admit, I was flattered by his words, though I kept my head lowered over my sewing and tried not to show it.
Jude then fixed his maniacal glare upon me. “I’ve come to warn you, too. It’s a dangerous game you’re playing. There’s a reason the rest of us maintain a distance from Adair, and we’ve learned our lesson the hard way. But now you’ve shown him love and that’s given him the notion that he is deserving of such devotion. Did you ever think that perhaps the only thing that holds the devil in check is that he knows how despised he is? Even the devil longs for sympathy at times, but sympathy for the devil is fuel for the flame. Your love will embolden him- likely in a way that will bring you regret.”
His warning rattled and surprised me; it was not something I’d expected from him. But I said nothing, waiting for him to continue.
“I have a question for you and I hope you’ll be honest with me. What does a girl like you see in Adair? I have looked into your heart and seen it to be wild and adventurous. He’s introduced you to the world of carnal pleasures and you’ve embraced it as only a child raised by the puritanical will do-to his delight, I might add. Perhaps your wildness is only foolishness, Lanore-have you considered this? Give your lovely body to Adair, if that is your wish, but why would you give your heart over to a man who will only abuse it? He is unworthy of your loyalty, of your love. You are being reckless with your heart, Lanore. I think you are a little too innocent to consort with the likes of him. Forgive me for speaking my mind, but it is for your own good.”
I was flabbergasted by his words. Who was he to call me foolish; I was trapped like the rest of them, wasn’t I, forced to appease a tyrannical master in order to survive. No, at the time I saw myself as doing the best I could in a terrible situation. I see it differently now, of course; I know I was reckless and unable to speak the truth to myself. I should have been grateful that Jude took the great risk of warning me in Adair’s own house, but I was too suspicious to trust him and instead, I tried to bluff him into thinking I knew what I was doing. “Well, I thank you for your advice-I suppose-but you’ll forgive me if I say I must decide what is to be done for myself.”
“Oh, but it’s not just for yourself, is it?” he asked. “You’re about to bring your Jonathan into it, too, the man for whom you profess such great love. The eagerness with which you agreed to Adair’s proposal makes me wonder if perhaps he wasn’t right. You
“Do you know what I think?” I nearly shouted, pushing the needlework off my lap as I sprang to my feet. “You’re not here to give me advice at all. You’re jealous. You wanted to bring Jonathan to Adair yourself but you couldn’t. I will succeed where you failed…” For all my vehemence, I didn’t know what I was talking about; I would certainly have more influence over Jonathan than Jude, but for what purpose? Jude knew, but I didn’t.
He shook his head and backed away a step. “I make sure that the people I bring to Adair’s attention are deserving in their way. And they go to him of their own free will. What’s more, I would never give him someone I claimed to love. Never.”
I should have asked him what he meant; but like many a young person, I thought it better to bluff than to reveal that I didn’t know what I was doing. And I didn’t trust Jude; he was showing me a completely different face and I didn’t know what to make of it. Was he hoping to trap me in a moment of disloyalty to Adair, a master he had served far longer than he had known me? Perhaps that was his role among Adair’s pack, to be the infiltrator, the informant.
I forced a glower on my face but was trembling, unnerved. Jude had pushed me to the edge of composure. “I’ve heard enough from you. Leave now before I go to Adair with your deceit.”
He drew back in surprise, but only momentarily, then let his shoulders sink. He bowed again in a mock show of respect as he backed out of the room. “I see that I was entirely mistaken about you, Lanore. You’re far from reckless with your heart… You know exactly what you are doing, don’t you? I hope you’ve made peace with God for what you are about to do.”
I tried to calm my breathing and my racing heart, and tell myself that not one of his words was true. “Get out,” I repeated, taking a step toward him as though I could drive him out of the house. “And I hope to never see you again.”
“Alas, that is not our fate, I fear. The world is a small place, given an eternity, as you will see. Whether you or I wish it or not, our paths will cross again,” he said as he swept out of the room.
THIRTY
Preparations for the trip began immediately, my passage booked on a cargo ship departing for Camden in four days. Dona, only too happy to see me go, helped me choose a sturdy pair of traveling trunks from among the dozens and dozens that had made the trip from Europe. In one we put the best of my clothing and in the other, gifts for my family: a bolt of silk from China; a set of collar and cuffs made of Belgian lace, ready to append to a dress; a gold necklace set with faintly pink opals. Adair insisted I take enticements for Jonathan, to show him what delights were available outside the Great North Woods. I explained that my friend had only one weakness, women, and so Dona shuffled through the boxes and unearthed a deck of playing cards, painted with lewdly explicit figures in place of the usual king, queen, jack of the various suits, with the queen of hearts being depicted in an especially remarkable and daring pose; a book of pornographic verse (though Jonathan had never been one for literature; if any book could make a reader out of Jonathan, perhaps this one could); a figurine of carved jade, said to be acquired from the Far East, of a trio having a sexual adventure; and last, a velvet jewelry roll holding, instead of bracelets or rings, a set of carved dildos, one each made of wood, ivory, and ebony.
I frowned at this last gift. “I’m not sure this would be to his taste,” I said, holding up the ebony one, the largest of the triplets, to study its detailing.
“Not for his usage,” Dona said, taking the dildo from me and rolling it up with the others in the velvet casing. “You’ve made his proclivities plain enough. This could be used, say, to entertain his ladies, a novelty to whet their appetites and put them in a playful frame of mind. Would you like me to show you how they are used?” he asked, then cast me a sideways look, incredulous at my lack of sexual sophistication, thinking that perhaps I was not up to the job.
While Dona riffled through the trunks, intent on finding the specific trinket he had in mind, I amused myself by digging through the chests, too, unwrapping mysterious bundles, marveling at the treasure stored within (a bejeweled music box shaped like an egg, a miniature mechanical bird that flapped metal wings and sang a tinny
