Tracy sobbed much like I had. 'He's tired of fighting both inside of himself and against the outside world. He knows what kind of threat he poses to all of you. He can't bear the thought that his mere existence could bring harm to any of you. He has lost hope. He's asked me more than once to give him enough pills or a lethal injection to end it all.'
Tracy came over to me crying. She was careful to avoid my wound. She didn't do such a good job. I did my best to bite back my tears of pain.
'I don't bring this to either of you lightly.'
Tracy held her hand up.
'It's just that…'
'Doc, stop talking now.' I told him.
'Right, I'm going to check on my other patients.'
'Thanks Doc.' I wrapped my good arm around my wife. Her racking sobs jostled me, but that was a kind of pain I was familiar with. It was the kind that I could cope with. It was like a bad friend who you knew was going to borrow money that he had no intentions of paying back. He was the friend that would turn over your couch cushions after he burned them accidently with a cigarette after you specifically told him that nobody smokes in the house. He was an asshole, but he was YOUR asshole. That other pain? Well let's just say that pain was like a lawyer who just so happened to be a Yankees fan after they just bought their 26th championship. Yeah, he's that asshole.
Tracy and I did about another hour's worth of mutual consolation. We had a way of taking the little bit of strength we possessed and bouncing it back and forth between the two of us, adding to it at each and every toss. Do all married couples possess this super power? Probably not or there would have been fewer divorces.
'What do you think Talbot?' Tracy asked, lifting her tear soaked face off my tear soaked chest.
'I think I need a new shirt.' Tracy made as if she was going to punch me. 'I think we have the Doctor lay everything out there for him, the pros and the cons and we let him decide.'
'Okay.'
'Okay, that's it? No expletives about how crazy I am? Or how nuts this situation is? I was expecting more.'
'There is no other answer Mike, you heard the Doctor. Our baby is ready to give up.'
'I know.' I said stroking her hair, which also happened to be wet. 'You'd better wait before you go back out.'
She looked at me funny. Ah, the Tracy I know and love.
'Your hair is soaked, you go out now and you're going to get an ice helmet. Although I really kind of dig chicks in uniform.'
'Well maybe if you weren't in that hospital bed.'
'That is not right. Not right at all.' I lamented.
'I'm going to see Justin.'
'Tell him I love him.'
'Do I look like I've been crying?'
'Besides the running mascara, red eyes and Rudolph nose? No, you look fine.'
'I'll tell him you love him. I'll see you tonight.'
'Bye love.'
'Bye Talbot.'
Tracy walked out of the room. I turned to adjust myself. I had only been awake for a couple of hours and I was exhausted. BT's blanket was up over his head. I could see his whole bed shaking.
'You crying?' I asked him.
'I'm sleeping, leave me alone.' He sniffed.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN - JOURNAL ENTRY 7 - 
Justin was in a small room maybe ten by ten feet with a heavy lockable oak door. He was usually able to walk around his room but for this experiment he was fully restrained to his bed with cloth straps. I involuntarily got the heebie-jeebies thinking about being completely tied down and then getting an itch on my nose. I was convinced that would drive me insane. The room was cramped with myself in a wheelchair, Tracy behind me, Doc Baker, a fully armed guard and the center of attention, Justin in his bed.
'For the fourth time, Mom, I want to do this.' Justin said looking up as high as he could with the strap across his forehead.
Tracy reached down and grabbed my hand out of my lap. 'Is the guard necessary?' Tracy asked.
Nobody responded. He was necessary in case the unspeakable happened.
'Justin, I am going to put this mask on you for our protection, okay?' The doc asked him. Justin nodded his head, his eyes locked on a fixed location on the ceiling. The 'mask' was nothing more than a leather strap with a wide piece that fit securely over the most dangerous part of a zombie, the mouth. Images of Hannibal Lecter streamed through my head as the mask was placed into position. To say my stomach was in knots would be an understatement. I could barely pull in air. Even the guard who had zero vested interest was uptight, but then he'd be the trigger man if this went bad and killing any defenseless enemy strapped to a bed would not ever sit well.
Without another word spoken in the room the doctor administered the shot to Justin's arm.
'How long Doc?' I asked quietly. The doctor didn't even have time to respond as Justin's body struggled against the bonds. He thrashed so violently against them I thought they would start to saw through his skin. Tracy's grip on my hand was excruciating. She had my first and forth knuckles nearly touching. Saliva ran down the side of Justin's face in amounts I wouldn't think a human would be able to produce. Henry yes, Justin not so much. The doctor was checking Justin's pulse when he jumped back. The guard tensed up, undoing the snap on his holster. Tracy might have broken my hand. Justin's scream was muffled from the leather.
I won't swear to it. I can't. My mind just can't wrap around it securely enough to give a definitive answer but when Justin looked over to me and Tracy his eyes looked unbelievably black and flat. They reflected perfectly the soul of a black, dead heart. And just as quickly they returned back to their normal state. I hoped this wheelchair wasn't dry clean only.
'Oh my God.' Tracy said under her breath. Apparently she had seen what I had, it was good to at least know that all those years of tripping on acid hadn't finally caught up to me.
Justin arched one more time and relaxed, his eyes were closed. Doc Baker hesitantly walked closer to check his vital signs.
'Doctor.' The guard said. 'Maybe you should step back.' It was looking more and more like Justin's transformation was not such a secret.
'Nonsense.' The doctor said without much conviction. 'Can't you see his chest rising and falling? He's breathing.'
I don’t know why these thoughts run through my head, they just do. Maybe it has more to do with the aforementioned acid trips from my college days than I would like to believe. What if the doctor had just created the first hybrid human-zombie? A living zombie? Would he be able to reproduce? Talk about unruly grandchildren.
Justin opened his eyes. 'Did it work?' He asked. The flood of carbon dioxide that was released into the room as everyone let go of the breath they were holding was nearly intoxicating, possibly suffocating, no wonder why Vegas used to flood their casinos with oxygen.
'It'll be a few days until we can be sure but this is a great start,' Doc Baker said. 'I'm going to need some more blood Justin,' he added apologetically.
'You sound like Eliza.' Justin said jokingly.
'Poor taste son. We'll have to work on your material. Tracy could you wheel me up to him. If I try to do it I'll end up doing donuts.'
'That wasn't much better than Justin's attempt at humor.' Tracy said.
The doc got his measure of blood and left, giddy as a schoolboy that got to touch his first female breast. The guard also left the room but was in arm's distance of the door in case his services were still required. Tracy and I stayed with Justin a few more hours before my reserves started to give out. It was great to see our kid come more into his own with each passing minute. He looked happy, he smiled, and more importantly those flat black eyes
