asshole?
'I, uh, yeah, we should probably get going, looks like a storm is brewing.”
'One more thing Mike,” Tracy said as she opened her door. My fat bottomed fawn colored Henry came padding out from her side of the car. His huge tongue was lolling as he ran to me, oversized jowls flapping in the wind like the useless wings on a dodo bird.
'No way!' I said as I nearly cried, dropping to my knees. Henry bowled me over like I was a lone bowling pin and he was going for a spare. Drool coated me from goatee to my forehead, and I loved every gross part of it!
As Tracy got into the car and they got rolling again, BT looked over at her and laughed. “Wow, you hit harder than I do.” 'Damn Aunt Tracy, I will never underestimate you, you rock!' Meredith told her.
'How hard did you hit him?' Tracy asked with her own smile.
'Oh, I smacked the hell out of him,” BT laughed.
They drove up to where the pick-up was parked so that brief introductions could be made and Tracy could give and get hugs from her boys. Mike still seemed to be reeling, whether from the physical blow or the psychological one, she didn’t know.
Perla and Cindy got into Tracy's car. Our next stop was going to be the very next exit where we would find some sort of transportation for Brian, Jack and the women. First off so they could get out of the rain that was about to hit, and second it would be yet another opportunity for them to go their own way. I had my doubts they would do so, but it would ease my conscience. I had yet to disclose everything so they were not making a completely informed decision.
We had no sooner pulled off the highway and there were a couple of fast food joints. Oh for some onion rings. And a boot outlet store with ten or so cars and trucks in the lot. Brian motioned for me to go in there.
When I pulled in I got out of the truck. Tracy pulled in behind, my heart still tripping at the sight of her. “You know how to hot wire a car?' I asked Brian.
'No, but Jack's got an idea,” he told me vaguely.
Jack walked up to the doors of the boot store and when they didn’t open he gave them a .223 caliber reason to do so. The shattering glass rivaled the percussions of the bullets.
'Army men!' BT said exasperatedly. “Do they remove the brain stem BEFORE or AFTER boot camp?” 'During,” Brian replied.
Jack's boots crunched over the smashed glass. “Hostiles!' he yelled. He motioned with his free hand first five and then another three.
Within seconds Travis, Justin, myself, BT, Brian, Cindy and Perla had him completely flanked. He backed up to be within our firing line as opposed to being in front. We stayed about fifteen feet from the front of the store and then they came, a worse looking lot of zombies we would have had a difficult time finding. Flesh was sloughing off their faces; the putrid smell of feces and decomposition wafted from the store. Perla took a moment to put her stomach into check, but everyone else stood firm.
The first zombie out was a girl maybe in her early twenties. Her green tinged skin made age identification an impossibly difficult feat, it had more to do with her clothing. She had on a sun dress, a leather jacket and boots. I think it was Cindy who took the first shot, drilled her right in the head, most likely more for the fashion infringement than for being a zombie.
Two or three employees came out next. This was easy to tell from their Smacker's Boots and Belts smocks. Two cowboys came out, big brass belt buckles and all, how the hell they still had their ten gallon hats on amazed me. Listen, I know I have issues and if the world is ever once again dominated by humans I promise I will be the first to get in line to get checked. But all I could think when those two came through the door was Brokeback Mountain and how damn disgusting would it be for two zombies to be getting it on. Would maggots make good lubrication? Would the friction cause the skin to peel off? Would 'love bites' take on a whole new meaning? Would the other zombies frown on a male on male relationship? I know brains are just a mixture of chemicals and connections, but apparently I'm missing a synapses or two.
'What are you smiling at?' Cindy asked me as she placed another magazine into her Israeli made Uzi.
'It would be best if I kept it to myself,” I told her, never easing up on my grin.
'Cease fire,” Brian said, holding up his fist.
Would be easy enough for me, I don’t think I ever fired a shot.
Jack walked over and started checking the bodies for keys. Eight dead bodies and five sets of keys, pretty good plan I thought.
The blue Mini-Cooper would have been my first choice in a perfect world. A 78ish Datsun that looked like it was barely able to hold off the effects of gravity was also dismissed. The best out of the lot available was a late year Chevy, it wasn't pretty but it ran, had close to a full tank and would fit them all comfortably enough.
'Alright, this looks like the one,” Jack decided.
'Ready to saddle up Mike?' Brian asked me.
'Alright, so now you've got your own wheels and you're not in as much dire straits that you need to forcibly take my traveling direction . I think we need to take a minute so I can fill in a few holes to the story I told you. Then you can make an informed decision about whether you want to join us or head as far away in the opposite direction as possible.” 'Lay it on us,” Brian said, truly not believing that I could offer anything too far off the beaten path as to dissuade them from their present course of action.
I went back to Day One and our first introduction to Tommy, who even then seemed more than he portrayed. To our first encounter with Eliza in the field and to my biggest mistake for not letting Justin blow her demented skull clear from her tainted body.
'It's all right Dad,' he interjected.
I gave them a recap of everything we had been through. It still wasn't the in-depth expose they deserved, but the clouds that had been threatening all day finally began to release their loads and I still had a sneaking suspicion that Paul and Alex needed our help and soon.
'Wait,” Perla asked. “So you’re saying that not only are there zombies, there is a Vampire Princess who rules them all?” 'I'm pretty sure I never said the word ‘princess’ but yeah, she holds sway over them. I don’t know if it's every zombie or if she has to be within a certain proximity, but that she can control some of them is without doubt.” 'So I'm confused,” Cindy started. “The kid from the Wal-Mart roof was, I mean 'is' her brother, and now he's with her? Couldn't you tell?'
'It's not like he hung a sign on his neck that said he was a 500-year-old half vampire,” I told her.
'I'm having a real hard time believing this,” Jack said.
'Yup, you nailed me, the zombie invasion wasn't a big enough challenge for me and my family. We figured we'd drum up a few more nightmares and see if that could hold our interest.” 'That's not what I meant,” Jack said placating me. “I'm wondering if you're trying to get rid of us.” 'Truth is, guys, I would never turn away any help, least of all experienced ones, but you need to know what you’re getting into.” 'Cindy?' Brian asked, she nodded. “Cindy and I are in.”
Perla nodded without any prompt. “So are we,” Jack said.
'Well see, this is where you guys, not thinking before you act actually worked out in our favor,” BT said.
Three exits later and we were pulling off the highway again. I had no sooner hit the off ramp when I brought the truck to a skittering halt. Tracy, her usually attentive driving self, almost slammed into us.
'You didn’t tell me you were going to stop!' she shouted irately as she got out of the car.
