of his throat, then gritted his teeth. His eyes evaded hers. His lips started to tremble slightly and his shoulders rose and fell. He wiped his eyes with the thumb and finger of his left hand, shaking his head angrily at the same time. Danny could see he was wrestling with himself, that he was in turmoil. She put her wine glass down and sat up.
‘ Was is it, Henry?’ She thought back to his extended visit to Occupational Health that very morning and also his wasted, fleshy appearance coupled with mood swings and his inability to concentrate. She did the sums in her mind and came up with the dreaded answer. Henry had cancer. ‘Are you unwell?’ she probed, stomach tingling, fearing the response. His actual answer threw her completely off-balance.
‘ I’ve had all the tests and there’s no trace of infection, thank God. And that’s a miracle, that is.’ His face set firm, then he closed his eyes and tilted his head backwards. ‘I haven’t told Kate. I haven’t told anyone, to be honest — but I think Terry has a good idea.’ His head dropped forwards and he looked straight at Danny.
‘ I’ve been raped,’ he admitted and started to cry.
The CD had finished playing. Danny was kneeling in front of Henry. He was leaning into her and she had embraced him for the last twenty minutes, feeling utterly useless, murmuring words which meant nothing, but sounded reassuring… and all the while he had cried. Sometimes his body had shaken with huge, bone-jarring tremors; other times he was in control, but basically he cried, moaned and wailed and poured out huge tears like a baby.
Now the big crying had subsided. He had become motionless and his breathing was more controlled. Danny kept her arms wrapped around him and his forehead rested on her shoulder. Her cool hand was on his neck, gently massaging. At last, she thought, I’ve got hold of Henry Christie… but for all the wrong reasons. Yet she felt deeply emotional and was on the verge of breaking down herself. He’s come to me, she thought. I’m the one he’s told. But even as these words filtered through her mind, she thought, Whoa! Big, BIG responsibility. What the hell am I going to do with this? Where is it likely to end? What does he want from me?
Henry sat up slowly, wiped his face. He was totally wrecked. The skin around his eyes was blotchy and puffed-up.
‘ I’m sorry,’ he burbled. ‘You don’t need this, not with the Jack Sands thing as well. This is unfair. I’d better go.’ He made to stand.
Danny’s arms were still around him. She held on and did not let him move. Their faces were only inches apart. She looked squarely into his eyes and made a decision. ‘Don’t go,’ she whispered. ‘You were there for me. I’ve lost count of the number of times I cried on you. You even cleaned up the mess for me. You never ducked and you never quit on me when I needed someone. So I’m here for you now, Henry.’ She smiled brightly. ‘After all, fair’s fair. What are friends for?’
She drew him to her and held him tight, feeling his heart pounding in his chest. For the first time, his arms encircled her.
‘ Thanks,’ he breathed into her ear, lips nearly brushing her lobe.
A shiver zipped down her spine and finished somewhere between her legs.
He was all over the place, his mind racing here and there as everything poured out. Danny sat there quietly, listening and nodding in the appropriate places, making occasional comments, asking a question now and again.
‘ I couldn’t believe what was happening to me,’ he stated forcefully. ‘I’m not sure, even now, that I believe it has happened to me, though I know it has. It’s like a dream — a nightmare.’
‘ I can imagine,’ Danny responded softly.
Henry had a vodka on ice in his hand. He was sitting on the settee, jacket and tie discarded, cuffs unfastened, sleeves rolled up, shoes pushed off. He’d had a quick face wash and looked fresher, more with it.
‘ I’ve dealt with dozens of rape victims,’ he continued, the level of his voice monotone and, at that moment, unemotional. ‘All female and — curse me if you want — but I always had the thought at the back of my mind: Why did you let it happen? Why didn’t you just keep your legs closed tight? What stupid, naive thinking that was. There is no choice in the matter. It’s death or rape and it really does mean death, doesn’t it?’ He sipped his cold, Russian spirit. ‘At the time I didn’t want to die… but now I wish I had.’
He closed his eyes and fought against hyperventilation.
Danny, on the other end of the settee, glass of wine in hand, reached across and touched him.
‘ I’m OK,’ he said, opening his eyes. ‘Honest.’
‘ There I was, strapped to a bloody Black and Decker Workmate. I mean, talk about DIY! That’s taking it to the extremes, isn’t it?’ He laughed without humour. Danny could not find it in herself to raise even a false smile. She was visualising the scene, repulsed and frightened by the thought of it. ‘And the bastard stood right next to me and showed me exactly what he was going to shove into me. Rock hard, ugly. He pushed it into my face. It was damp. I thought… he was going to make me give him a blow job. I would’ve spewed up if he had, but he just wafted it about and slid it across my face and over my lips… I can still smell it, taste it… then he went behind me…’
‘ I feel so dirty, so unclean. I can’t get it off myself, the smell- it’s still clinging there. I utterly despise myself for letting it happen… how could I let it happen, Danny?’ he cried plaintively. ‘I should have stopped him. I’m a man, for God’s sake.’ He shook his head sadly, constantly re-thinking the night.
‘ You mustn’t punish yourself for this, Henry. Like you said, there was no other choice, no decision, except to live. You were overpowered and it was against your will. Don’t blame yourself.’
‘ But I do, I do. I’m so fucking ashamed.’
‘ Another thing is, y’know? Me and sex. I mean, Christ, he rubbed his dick all over my face, his penis, dirty, smelly… and I think, God, is that what men are really like? Is that what it’s like for a woman? To have that shoved in? To have to hold it, to suck it, just because a man wants it to happen? Am I going to have a hang-up about sex for the rest of my life?’
‘… God, everyone getting to know about it. What’s that going to be like for me? I can just see people’s faces, their sniggers, their talking behind my back. 'Got well buggered, he did. What sort of a man is he?' They’ll despise me… they won’t know what to say to me, they’ll laugh and I won’t ever get treated seriously again. The implications completely fuck me up inside.’
Henry stared hard at Danny. ‘My mind whizzes round and I wonder how the hell they found out I was a cop. Somebody must have bubbled me! I have my suspicions… but they can’t be right. Nahh… one cop wouldn’t do that to another, surely? Just because I said I’d go for him.’
‘ What are you talking about, Henry?’
‘ Detective Superintendent Rupert Davison.’
Danny frowned. ‘You mean the Rupert Davison?’
‘ One and the same. That dickhead of a PC as was. Now a GMP Superintendent.’
‘ Bloody hell!’ Danny blurted. ‘He once asked me to sleep with him. I refused, of course.’
Another class product of the fast track — but even so, it seems absurd he would have gone to the lengths of… Christ, I was going to say “shafting me”… of putting my life in danger.’
‘ I wouldn’t put it past him,’ Danny said darkly, recalling the immature PC who, if dismissal procedures had been anything like proper and effective, should have been out on his ear years ago. But that was one of the main causes of malaise in the police service: it was virtually impossible to sack someone once they had completed their probation. Many unsuitable people, therefore, went on to become unsuitable managers and high-rankers.
But Henry could not believe that Davison would have fed him to the wolves. It was far more likely to have been Billy Crane who had recognised him and then warned Thompson and Elphick.
‘ It’s been good for me, this, Danny.’ Henry breathed out. He had been talking for three-quarters of an hour. ‘Thanks — I needed it. I’m just sorry it had to be you.’
‘ I’m not sorry, but I do need to ask you something.’
