Asexuality: A Brief Introduction

answer. It didn’t take long to find one:

I was asexual.

Asexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by a persistent lack of sexual attraction toward any gender.

Well now, that was a bit of a dull and technical definition, but it’s where I had to start. You see, that’s really all asexuality is. Asexuality can be confusing, but if you just remember that definition, you’ll be fine.

Most people are familiar with the concept of sexual orientation. Sexual orientation describes who a person is sexually attracted to. For instance, heterosexual people are attracted to people of the opposite gender, homosexual people are attracted to people of the same gender, and bisexual people are attracted to people of either gender.[1] Asexual people sort of fill in the gap in that list, and are not sexually attracted to anyone.

It’s important to mention that sexual orientation does not describe behavior. It’s possible for a heterosexual man to have had sex with other men because he was curious, and it’s possible for a bisexual woman to be a virgin. Similarly, it’s possible for an asexual to take part in sexual activity and still be asexual. It’s about attraction, not action.

Like every other sexual orientation, asexuality is not a choice. We didn’t just wake up one day and say “You know what, I’m tired of sex. I’m not going to feel attracted to anyone anymore.” It’s not celibacy or abstinence. Most of us will tell you that we were born like this, and many of us went through periods in our lives where we wondered why we were so different than everyone else.

Asexuality is not a disease. It’s not a medical condition. It’s not caused by low hormones or a brain tumor. It’s not a temporary phase. It’s not the result of childhood trauma. It’s not a response to a relationship gone wrong.

Asexuality is often misunderstood. Some people think that asexuality is the same as celibacy or abstinence. Others think that asexuality is a lack of (or a desire for a lack of) all sexual characteristics. Sometimes asexuality is described as a fear, avoidance, or hatred of sex, sometimes to the point of believing that asexuality is a religious or moral statement against people who have sex. And some people think that asexuality is a statement of a gender identity. None of these are true. I hope that this book will help to dispel some of these misconceptions.

Several studies have indicated that at least one percent of people are asexual. The famous Kinsey Report on sexuality in 1948 had a scale for one’s sexual orientation, ranging from 0 for “exclusively heterosexual” to 6 for “exclusively homosexual”. In his research, he found that some people (Around 1.5% of the adult male population) didn’t really fit on the scale because they weren’t particularly sexually interested in anyone, so he labeled them as “X” and left them off the scale. Today, this “X” group would likely be recognized as asexual.

A more recent study, conducted by Dr. Anthony Bogaert in 2004, found that approximately 1% of the adult population could be classified as asexual, using the results of a survey conducted in the UK during the 90s. However, Bogaert believed that the actual number of asexual people is likely higher, as it is conceivable that people who are not terribly interested in sex would be less likely to spend the time to take a survey about sex, and would therefore be underrepresented in the results.

There is no single “Asexual Experience”. We are just as varied as everyone else. There are asexual women, asexual men, and asexuals of no particular gender. There are asexuals of every race and religion. We don’t all vote the same way or watch the same TV shows. We don’t all have extra ribs or pointy ears or stretchy rubber arms or glow under a UV lamp or anything like that. There’s no secret dress code for asexuals. We don’t all have black rings on our right middle fingers, black-grey-white-purple friendship bracelets, shirts that say “This is what an asexual looks like”, or ace[2] flag bumper stickers on our cars.

It’s impossible for a single book to capture the entire world of asexuality. My goal here is not to write the Encyclopedia of Aceness, but rather to write an introduction to asexuality. My target audience is anyone who wants to learn about asexuality, whether or not you’re asexual.

Common Questions About Asexuality

What is asexuality?

Asexuality is a sexual orientation. Unlike heterosexuality, where people are sexually attracted to the opposite sex, or homosexuality, where people are sexually attracted to the same sex, asexual people are not sexually attracted to anyone. It’s not an inability to have sex, it’s not celibacy or abstinence, it’s not a temporary “dry spell”, and it’s not a fear of sex.

How do I become asexual?

Asexuality is not something you can switch on or off on a whim, asexuality is not a choice. Most asexual people will tell you that they’ve always been this way and that they’ve never known anything different. You can’t become asexual any more than you can turn yourself gay or straight. Asexuality does not mean “not having sex”. Certainly, you can practice abstinence and choose to become celibate, but asexuality and celibacy are not the same thing.

Can asexuals fall in love?

Although asexual people do not experience sexual attraction, that does not necessarily mean that they do not experience romantic emotions. As most people know, love does not equal sex, so it’s possible to fall in love with someone and not be interested in having sex with them.

Can asexuals have children?

Asexuality has nothing to do with fertility. Asexual people are just as fertile and capable of producing offspring as non-asexual people. It still takes two, though. We’re not capable of mitosis or budding or parthenogenesis or anything like that.[3]

Can asexual men get erections?

Asexuality is not a physical condition. It’s not a synonym for erectile dysfunction or impotence. Most asexual males have a fully operational penis that is capable of erection (as well as all of the other things the phrase “fully operational penis” implies).

Can asexuals masturbate?

For the most part, yes. Most asexual people have working parts downstairs, and that typically means that they are capable of self-stimulation and orgasm. There is nothing about asexuality that somehow prevents masturbation, and someone who masturbates is not somehow “disqualified” from being asexual.

However, just because we can doesn’t mean that we all do. While many asexuals do masturbate, many do not.

Can asexuals have sex?

In general, yes, asexuals are physically capable of having sex. Asexuality is a sexual orientation and has no bearing on sexual ability. There are no physical characteristics inherent in asexuality. Asexual people typically have functioning genitalia which is indistinguishable from that of a non-asexual person. It is possible that an asexual person is physically unable to have sex, but if that is the case, then it is the result of some other condition and not the result of asexuality.

Now, that’s not to say that asexual people necessarily want to have sex. Physical ability and willingness are two very different concepts. Many asexuals, despite having functioning genitalia, have no interest in using that genitalia with anyone else.