more than my chamber up in the castle, more than anywhere else in the world. A stall in Burrich's stable, safe in his domain, one of his creatures. If only I could turn back the days, and burrow into the deep straw and drag a horse blanket over my head.
Sooty snorted again, this time rebukingly. She'd carried me all those days and ways, and deserved every comfort I could give her. But every buckle resisted my numbed and weary fingers. I dragged the saddle down from her back and very nearly dropped it. I fumbled at her bridle endlessly, the bright metal of the buckles dancing before my eyes. Finally I closed them and let my fingers work alone to take her bridle off. When I opened my eyes, Hands was at my elbow. I nodded at him, and the bridle dropped from my lifeless fingers. He glanced at it, but said nothing. Instead he poured for Sooty the bucket of fresh water he had brought, and shook out oats for her and fetched an armful of sweet hay with much green still to it. I had taken down Sooty's brushes when he reached past me and took them from my feeble grip. 'I'll do this,' he said quietly.
'Take care of your own horse first,' I chided him.
'I already did, Fitz. Look. You can't do a good job on her. Let me do it. You can barely stand up. Go get some rest.' He added, almost kindly, 'Another time, when we ride, you can do Stoutheart for me.'
'Burrich will have my hide off if I leave my animal's care for someone else.'
'No, he won't. He wouldn't leave an animal in the care of someone who can barely stand,' Burrich observed from outside the stall. 'Leave Sooty to Hands, boy. He knows his job. Hands, take charge of things here for a bit. When you've done with Sooty, check on that one spotted mare at the south end of the stables. I don't know who owns her or where she came from, but she looks sick. If you find it so, have the boys move her away from the other horses and scrub out the stall with vinegar. I'll be back in a bit after I see FitzChivalry to his quarters. I'll bring you food, and we'll eat in my room. Oh. Tell a boy to start us a fire there. Probably cold as a cave up there.'
Hands nodded, already busy with my horse. Sooty's nose was in her oats. Burrich took my arm. 'Come along,' he said, just as he spoke to a horse. I found myself unwillingly leaning on him as we walked the long row of stalls. At the door he picked up a lantern. The night seemed colder and darker after the warmth of the stables. As we walked up the frozen path to the kitchens, the snow began falling again. My mind went swirling and drifting with the flakes. I wasn't sure where my feet were. 'It's all changed, forever, now,' I observed to the night. My words whirled away with the snowflakes.
'What has?' Burrich asked cautiously. His tone bespoke his worry that I might be getting feverish again.
'Everything. How you treat me. When you aren't thinking about it. How Hands treats me. Two years ago he and I were friends. Just two boys working in the stables. He'd never have offered to brush down my horse for me. But tonight, he treated me like some sickly weakling… not even someone he can insult about it. Like I should just expect him to do things like that for me. The men at the gate didn't even know me. Even you, Burrich. Six months or a year ago, if I look sick, you'd have dragged me up to your loft and dosed me like a hound. And if I'd complained, you'd have had no tolerance for it. Now you walk me up to the kitchen doors and—'
'Stop whining,' Burrich said gruffly. 'Stop complaining and stop pitying yourself. If Hands looked like you do, you'd do the same for him.' Almost unwillingly he added, 'Things change, because time passes. Hands hasn't stopped being your friend. But you are not the same boy who left Buckkeep at harvest time. That Fitz was an errand boy for Verity, and had been my stable boy, but wasn't much more than that. A royal bastard, yes, but that seemed of small importance to any save me. But up at Jhaampe in the Mountain Kingdom, you showed yourself more than that. It doesn't matter if your face is pale, or if you can barely walk after a day in the saddle. You move as Chivalry's son should. That is what shows in your bearing, and what those guards responded to. And Hands.' He took a breath and paused to shoulder the heavy kitchen door open. 'And I, Eda help us all,' he added in a mutter.
But then, as if to belie his own words, he steered me into the watch room off the kitchen and unceremoniously dumped me at one of the long benches beside the scarred wooden table. The watch room smelled incredibly good. Here was where any soldier, no matter how muddy or snowy or drunk, could come and find comfort. Cook always kept a kettle of stew simmering over the fire here, and bread and cheese waited on the table, as well as a slab of yellow summer butter from the deep larder. Burrich served us up bowls of hot stew thick with barley and mugs of cold ale to go with the bread and butter and cheese.
For a moment I just looked at it, too weary to lift a spoon. But the smell tempted me to one mouthful and that was all it took. Midway through, I paused to shoulder out of my quilted smock and break off another slab of bread. I looked up from my second bowl of stew to find Burrich watching me with amusement. 'Better?' he asked.
I stopped to think about it. 'Yes.' I was warm, fed, and though I was tired, it was a good weariness, one that might be cured by simple sleep. I lifted my hand and looked at it. I could still feel the tremors, but they were no longer obvious to the eye. 'Much better.' I stood, and found my legs steady under me.
'Now you're fit to report to the King.'
I stared at him in disbelief. 'Now? Tonight? King Shrewd's long abed. I won't get past his door guard.'
'Perhaps not, and you should be grateful for that. But you must at least announce yourself there tonight. It's the King's decision as to when he will see you. If you're turned away, then, you can go to bed. But I'll wager that if King Shrewd turns you aside, King-in-Waiting Verity will still want a report. And probably right away.'
'Are you going back to the stables?'
'Of course.' He smiled in wolfish self-satisfaction. 'Me, I'm just the stablemaster, Fitz. I have nothing to report. And I promised Hands I'd bring him something to eat.'
I watched silently as he loaded a platter. He sliced the bread lengthwise and covered two bowls of the hot stew with a slab of it, and then loaded a wedge of cheese and a thick slice of yellow butter onto the side of it.
'What do you think of Hands?'
'He's a good lad,' Burrich said grudgingly.
'He's more than that. You chose him to stay in the Mountain Kingdom and ride home with us, when you sent all the others back with the main caravan.'
'I needed someone steady. At that time you were… very ill. And I wasn't much better, truth to tell.' He lifted a hand to a streak of white in his dark hair, testimony to the blow that had nearly killed him.
'How did you come to choose him?'
'I didn't, really. He came to me. Somehow he found where they'd housed us, and then talked his way past Jonqui. I was still bandaged up and scarce able to make my eyes focus. I felt him standing there more than saw him. I asked him what he wanted, and he told me that I needed to put someone in charge, because with me sick and Cob gone, the stable help were getting sloppy.'
'And that impressed you.'
'He got to the point. No idle questions about me, or you, or what was going on. He had found the thing he could do and come to do it. I like that in a man. Knowing what he can do, and doing it. So I put him in charge. He managed it well. I kept him when I sent the others home because I knew I might need a man who could do that. And also to see for myself what he was. Was he all ambition, or was there a genuine understanding of what a man owes a beast when he claims to own him? Did he want power over those under him, or the well-being of his animals?'
'What do you think of him now?'
'I am not so young as I once was. I think there still may be a good stablemaster in Buckkeep stables when I can no longer manage an ill-tempered stallion. Not that I expect to step down soon. There is still much he needs to be taught. But we are both still young enough, him to learn and me to teach. There is a satisfaction in that.'
I nodded. Once, I supposed, he had planned that spot for me. Now we both knew it would never be.
He turned to go. 'Burrich,' I said quietly. He paused. 'No one can replace you. Thank you. For all you've done these last few months. I owe you my life. Not just that you saved me from death. But you gave me my life, and who I am. Ever since I was six. Chivalry was my father, I know. But I never met him. You've fathered me day in and day out, over a lot of years. I didn't always appreciate—'
Burrich snorted and opened the door. 'Save speeches like that for when one of us is dying. Go report, and then go to bed.'
'Yes, sir,' I heard myself say, and knew that he smiled even as I did. He shouldered the door open and bore Hands's dinner out to the stables for him. He was home there.
And this, here, was my home. Time I dealt with that. I took a moment to straighten my damp clothing and
