What, exactly, you think about my book—not that your facial expression whenever I bring it up doesn’t say it all. I know you’ve got a soft spot for humpbacked dwarves, stray cats, and your friend Holly, and I know you want to go to Veselka’s with me and eat blintzes. I don’t know what Veselka’s is, but I’m a big fan of blintzes. I’ve never enjoyed myself more than I have the past forty-eight hours, during which I’ve been trapped in a car with one of the worst drivers I have ever seen, run up the Spanish Steps and then down again so I could be on time to wait in line to perjure myself at the American consulate. And I’d like to continue doing those sorts of things with you on a regular basis for the foreseeable future. Although I would also like to include sex with you, if possible. And if none of that convinces you, perhaps this will: I have every intention of sticking around long enough to form an intense, unbreakable, long-term bond with The Dude. And to prove it, this afternoon, I went and got this.”
Oh, my God. He’s rolling up his sleeve. Why is he rolling up his sleeve? What could he possibly—
NO!
IMPOSSIBLE!
It’s a tattoo!!! He’s got a tattoo. Of Wondercat! Just like the one on my ankle.
Me: “But—How? Where?”
Cal: “Crazy Bar and Sexy Tattoo Shop in town. They say Wondercat’s one of their best sellers.”
Me: “But–but–but that’s PERMANENT!!!!”
Cal: “So is how I feel about you. Now. Could you put the pen down and kiss me, please?”
And suddenly, I find that I can.
Because my heart has become filled with something. Something I can’t really describe.
Except that it feels like bianco frizzante.
Travel Diary of Jane Harris
Travel Diary of
Jane Harris
Oh my God. He lied. It’s totally true, what Mark told Holly about Cal’s—
Travel Diary of
Jane Harris
Poor Frau Schumacher. She’s going to have a LOT of sheets to wash when we leave. I think we’ve done it in every bedroom at least once.
Oh well. I suppose she’s used to hard work, considering all the time she put in over at the Fuhrer’s place.
Travel Diary of
Jane Harris
Even Cal admits that Nutella on strawberries, washed down with champagne, makes a lovely midnight snack.
Travel Diary of
Jane Harris
Must write fast, as he’s downstairs, getting more strawberries.
He loves me! At least as much as I—I can’t believe I’m admitting this—love him. YES! It’s true! I love him! I could shout it from the rooftop: I LOVE HIM!
And I don’t think that’s the phenylethylanamine talking, either.
Endorphins? Definitely.
Oh, my God. I love Cal Langdon. CAL LANGDON.
And you know, really, the only reason he doesn’t like ER is that he’s never seen it. It turns out they don’t have ER in Libya or wherever it is he’s been all these years. I’m sure he’ll come around as soon as he’s caught up with everything that’s happening at County.
I showed him my Wondercat sketch book, too, and he laughed at my most recent cartoon. Cal Langdon LAUGHED. At one of my cartoons!!!! And called me a comic genius!
Which I already knew. But it was nice to hear it from him.
Oops, here he comes. I promised I’d stop writing about him in here.
For now.
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e-mails
To: Arthur Pendergast <[email protected]>
Fr: Cal Langdon <[email protected]>
Re: The Book
Hey, Arthur. I was thinking. How would you feel if my second book was on Le Marche? In case you don’t know, Le Marche is one of Italy’s lesser-known regions, filled with breathtaking vistas of ancient castles atop rolling picturesque hillsides, shady olive groves, curved white beaches, delicious seafood, and earthy but delicate wines like the Verdicchio, considered among the finest of thevini da meditazione.
This is a region in which family-run businesses thrive. It’s a nearly self-sufficient area that many countries— for instance, those formerly dependent on the exportation of oil—might do well to emulate.
I’m thinking about renting a place here for a few months with my girlfriend to do some research. You might have heard of her— Jane Harris? She’s the creator of Wondercat , that hilarious comic strip about the cat. I’m sure you’ve read it.
Anyway, let me know what you think.
Cal
___________________________________________
To: Cal Langdon <[email protected]>
Fr: Arthur Pendergast <[email protected]>
Re: The Book
Le Marche? What the hell are you talking about? No one’s ever heard of Le Marche. Who the hell is going to buy a book about some place they never heard of?
Let me tell you something: if Sweeping Sands wasn’t Number 2 on the Times Bestseller list right now, I’d tell you what you can do with Le Marche.
But as it is….
Go with God.
Arthur Pendergast
Senior Editor
Rawlings Press
1418 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10019
212-555-8764
PS Girlfriend? Since when do you have a girlfriend? I thought you were monogaphobic.
PPS What the hell is a Wondercat?
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