were sleeping, though. But finally he had to leave. He promised his brother, you know.”
“Oh,” I say. The disappointment I feel is ridiculous. And crushing. “Sure.”
“Oh, here comes your doctor,” Dad says. “Let’s see what he has to say.”
They let me go that evening. Over twelve hours of intravenous fluids, and, while I don’t feel a hundred percent by any means, at least my headache is gone and the room has stopped spinning around. A look in the ladies’ room mirror tells me more than I want to know about what Rohypnol does to a girl’s complexion—my face is chalky white, my lips chapped, and the circles under my eyes look like bruises.
But, hey. I’m alive.
That’s more than poor Lindsay Combs can say.
I sign my discharge papers and head out, a sample packet of Tylenol my only souvenir—Tylenol, that was the best they could do—expecting to see my dad waiting for me in the lobby.
But instead of Dad, I find Cooper.
In a tux.
I almost turn around and check myself back in, considering the way my heart turns over in my chest at the sight of him. Surely that isn’t normal. Surely that’s a sign that my central nervous system needs more fluids, or something.
He stands up when he sees me, and smiles.
Oh, now, see. Smiles like that should be against the law. Considering what they do to a girl. Well, a girl like me.
“Surprise,” he says. “I let your dad go home. He’d been here all night, you know.”
“I heard you were, too,” I say. I can’t make eye contact, both on account of the way my heart is hammering and because I’m so embarrassed. What had I said to him earlier? I’m pretty sure I’d told him I loved him.
But Dad said I’d been saying that to everyone—including the twin planters outside Fischer Hall.
Still, surely Cooper had to know it had only been the drugs.
Even though of course in his case, it hadn’t.
“Yeah,” Cooper says. “Well, you do have a tendency to keep me on my toes.”
“I’m sorry,” I say. “You must be missing the reception.”
“I said I’d go to the wedding,” Cooper says. “I didn’t say anything about the reception. I’m not the hugest salmon fan. And I do not do the chicken dance.”
“Oh,” I say. I can’t really picture him doing the chicken dance, either. “Well, thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Cooper says.
And we head out into the cold, to where he’s parked his car along Twelfth Street. Once inside, he starts the engine and lets the heater run. It’s dark out—even though it’s barely five o’clock—and the streetlights are on. They cast a pinkish glow over the drifts piled up alongside the street. The snow, so beautiful when it first fell, is fast turning ugly, as soot and dirt stain it gray.
“Cooper,” I hear myself saying, as he finally puts the car in gear. “Why did you tell Gavin I’m still in love with your brother?”
I can’t believe I’ve said it. I have no idea where the question came from. Maybe there’s some residual Rohypnol in my central nervous system. Maybe I need to check back into the hospital to get the rest of it out.
“That again?” Cooper asks, looking amused.
The amusement sends a spurt of irritation through me.
“Yes,that again,” I say.
“Well, what did you want me to tell him?” Cooper asks. “That he has a chance with you? Because I hate to be the one to break it to you, Heather, but that guy has a major crush on you. And the more you ask him to take you to frat parties and the like, the more you’re just reinforcing it. I had to tell him something to try to nip his little infatuation in the bud. I thought you’d be grateful.”
I am careful not to make eye contact with him. “So you don’t believe that. About me and your brother, I mean.”
Cooper is quiet for a minute. Then he says, “You tell me. I mean, it’s kind of hard to believe there’s nothing there when every time I turn around, you two are together.”
“That’s him,” I say adamantly. “Not me. I do not have feelings for your brother. End of story.”
“All right,” Cooper says, in the soothing tone in which one might speak to the mentally disturbed. “I’m glad we got that straightened out.”
“We haven’t,” I hear myself say. What am I doing? WHAT AM I DOING?
Cooper, who’d been about to pull out of the parking space, puts his foot on the brake. “We haven’t what?”
“Got it straightened out,” I say. I cannot believe the words that are coming out of my mouth. But they just keep coming. There’s nothing I can do to stop them. This has to be the Rohypnol. It has to be. “How come you’ve never asked me out? Is it because you’re not interested in me that way, or what?”
Cooper sounds amused when he replies, “You’re my brother’s ex-fiancée.”
“Right,” I say, beating a fist on the dashboard. “Ex.Ex- fiancée. Jordan’s married now. To someone else. You were there, you saw it for yourself. So what’s the deal? I know I’m not really your type… ” Oh, God. This is going from bad to worse. Still, I can’t go back. ”But I think we get along. You know. For the most part.”
“Heather.” Now there’s a hint of impatience creeping into Cooper’s voice. “You’ve just come out of a really bad long-term relationship—”
“A year ago.”
“—started a new job—”
“Almost a year ago.”
“—reconnected with a father you barely know—”
“Things with Dad are cool. We had a nice talk last night.”
“—are struggling to figure out who you are, and what you’re going to do with your life,” Cooper concludes. “I’m pretty sure the last thing you need right now is a boyfriend. In particular, your ex-fiancé’s brother. With whom you live. I think your life is complicated enough.”
I finally turn in my seat to look at him. “Don’t you think I should be the judge of that?” I ask him.
This time, he’s the one who looks away.
“Okay,” he says. “My life is too complicated. Heather—I don’t want to be your rebound guy. That’s just… that’s not who I am. I don’t chicken dance. And I don’t want to be the rebound guy.”
I’m flabbergasted. “Rebound guy? Rebound guy? Cooper, Jordan and I broke up a year ago—”
“And who have you dated since?” Cooper demands.
“Well, I… I… ” I swallow. “No one.”
“There you go,” Cooper says. “You’re ripe for a rebound guy. And it’s not going to be me.”
I stare at him.Why? I want to ask him.Why don’t you want to be my rebound guy? Because you don’t actually want me?
Or because you want something more from me than that?
Looking at him, I realize I’ll probably never know.
At least… not yet.
I also realize I probably don’t want to know. Because if it’s the latter, I’ll find out, one of these days.
And if it’s the former… .
Well, then, I’ll just want to die.
“You know what,” I say, averting my gaze, “you’re right. It’s okay.”
“Really?” Cooper asks.
I look back at him. And I smile.
It takes every last little bit of strength I’ve got left. But I do it.
“Really,” I say. “Let’s go home.”
“Okay,” he says.
And smiles back.
And it’s enough.
For now.
