‘Well, it is getting colder.’
‘It wasn’t that.’
They were sitting side by side on a horse blanket, bundled against the crisp air, on the crest of a hill.
‘You’re not in this alone, Tan; I do wish you’d understand that. We’re all here to support you.’
‘I know you are, and I’m grateful. But we can’t say the same about Kinsel, can we? I keep thinking of him, there alone, suffering who knows what kind of…’ She couldn’t go on.
Serrah tried to take her mind off it. ‘At least you have the children, and they’re safe.’ She nodded to where Teg and Lirrin romped with Kutch. Caldason stood a little further away, looking down at the city. It was coming to dusk, and the metropolis had begun to glow with magical energy. They would have to head back soon.
‘You’re right,’ Tanalvah conceded, ‘and I’m being selfish.’
‘How?’
‘I have the children. They’re mine now, and I love them as though they were my own. But you lost your only child, and you have no one. Forgive me being blunt. I hope bringing it up doesn’t grieve you too much.’
Serrah shook her head.
‘I only mention it,’ Tanalvah went on, ‘because you’re one of the few people who can understand how I feel. Tell me, were you haunted by how things might have turned out if you’d acted differently? Did you reproach yourself?’
‘Of course. Endlessly. I should think everyone does in that situation.’
‘Then you know how I feel. There were things I did wrong, and things I shouldn’t have done, and now Kinsel’s paying for it.’
‘The last thing you need is to blame yourself.’
‘You don’t know.’
‘Tell me,’ Serrah gently coaxed.
‘I can’t.’
Serrah had thought her friend was on the verge of opening up, but she didn’t try to push her. ‘All right. I’ll be around if you ever want to talk about it. But, Tan, what you mustn’t do is add guilt to your burden. Believe me, I know.’
Tanalvah nodded, but looked far from convinced.
Two small whirlwinds arrived, in the form of a pair of excited children. They wanted Tanalvah to join them, and pulled at her hands until she stood and went with them to Kutch.
Serrah watched them for a while, then Caldason strolled back and sat down beside her.
‘Look at them,’ she said. ‘I wish I could be like a child and block out the lousy things in life. How do they do it?’
‘I don’t know; it was never like that for me. But it’s a good thing they can. How is Tanalvah?’
‘Isn’t it obvious?’
‘It’s hard to form an opinion when she avoids talking to me.’
‘Don’t blame her for that. She’s just about hanging on, I’d say. And now she’s letting guilt get to her.’
‘What does she have to feel guilty about?’
‘Nothing, I’m sure. But she thinks she does.’
‘You didn’t tell her what Disgleirio said about wanting Kinsel killed?’
‘Of course not! What do you take me for?’
‘Sorry, I should have known you wouldn’t.’
‘It got me thinking about him though. Disgleirio, I mean. I find it hard to fathom the man. You think you know where he stands, then he comes out with something like that.’
‘Perhaps it’s not so surprising. The Fellowship of the Righteous Blade are zealots, in a way. They’re focused on their goal and tend to see anything in their path as something to be swept aside, no matter how ruthlessly.’
‘And that makes them unique, does it? I can think of at least one other person with a similar outlook.’
He had to smile. ‘I just stabbed myself in the foot, didn’t I?’
She smiled back. ‘Don’t worry about it. It’s one of my specialities, too.’
‘The Blade’s a patriotic group. I reckon having to accept they’re not going to get their country back would be a bitter potion for a man like Quinn. Signing up for Karr’s dream of a new state must seem like second best.’
‘They’re monarchists, aren’t they?’
‘I imagine so. They’ve sworn allegiance to all the old institutions, so that must include the Crown.’
‘Doesn’t that make them Melyobar supporters?’
‘I suppose it does, in theory. You can see why they gave up on it and threw in their lot with Karr.’
That made them smile again.
She sobered. ‘He’s not looking any better, is he?’
‘Karr? No. He’s clearly exhausted, but there’s something else underneath it. An ailment.’
‘There’s a way you could lift some of the weight off his shoulders, you know.’
‘Let me guess. Delivering the gold?’
‘It does make sense, Reeth.’
‘He didn’t put you up to this, did he? Or any of the others?’
‘You know me better than that. I just happen to think it’s the right thing. Earlier on, I got talking to Tan about the move, and she said it had to go ahead, that it’s what Kinsel would have wanted. He’s given up everything for the cause, including his life, probably. It seems to me we should be willing to take the same risk.’
‘As a matter of fact, I’ve been thinking along similar lines.’
‘Whoa, that was too easy! I thought you’d need battering into it.’
‘No, I really have been thinking about it as something I could do. Though I’d much prefer it to be an expedition to the Clepsydra.’
‘Karr says delivering the gold brings us a step nearer to that. I believe him. The Resistance, and Covenant in particular, seem no less keen to find the Source.’
‘If I do go to the Diamond Isle, I’d like to have you along.’
‘No, I don’t think-’
‘Hear me out. You’re getting better, more stable, stronger in yourself. You’re not entirely right yet-’
‘Oh, don’t stint your words, please.’
‘But you were an asset to the band, and you could be again. I think we worked well together.’
‘Thanks. So do I. But I’m not sure the Council would sanction it. Besides, after what’s happened to Tan, I think I ought to be here.’
‘She’ll have plenty of people to look after her.’
‘Reeth…’ She looked over at Tanalvah to make sure she was out of earshot. ‘…I’m going to break a confidence. Tanalvah’s with child.’
‘Oh. Kinsel’s?’
‘Of course it is!’ She adopted an expression of mock disgust. ‘
Men
. So you see, if anything happened to him and I wasn’t here for her-’
‘I understand.’
‘Don’t tell anybody. I promised.’
‘But would you reconsider coming if Kinsel got out of the mess he’s in?’
‘If he were to do that…yes, perhaps I would. But let’s face it, Reeth. That would take a miracle, wouldn’t it?’
16
The citizens of Jecellam, capital of Rintarah’s extensive empire, lived ordered lives. Theirs was a culture where many everyday activities were centrally directed. Most people were reasonably happy with this, unless they found themselves in conflict with the state’s will. Which was more easily done than the majority of them
