Obi-Wan considered this. Despite his pain and weakness, Qui-Gon was taking the time to explain his thoughts to Obi-Wan. Only yesterday, the Jedi most likely would have issued a stern order, then dismissed him. Something had changed between them.
“You’re testing me, aren’t you,” Obi-Wan guessed. “You’ve changed your mind. You are considering me for your Padawan.” He tried to keep the eagerness out of his voice.
Qui-Gon shook his head. “No,” he said firmly. I’m not testing you, Obi-Wan. Life tests you! Every day it brings you new chances for triuph or defeat. And if you pass the test, it doesn’t make you a Jedi. It makes you human.”
Obi-Wan stepped back, as if Qui-Gon had slapped him. With a rush of emotion, he saw into his own heart. He had been fooling himself. He had told himself that he had accepted Qui-Gon’s decision, that all he wanted was his respect. But somewhere deep inside, he had hoped that if he acted bravely and well on this mission, Qui-Gon would change his mind.
Now he saw the truth.
Qui-Gon saw the change in Obi-Wan’s eyes. The boy finally understood that his decision was final. He should have been relieved. The boy’s anger had left him. But something else was gone as well. Obi-Wan’s hopes for the future had also faded.
Qui-Gon watched as Obi-Wan turned and wiped his face with his sleeve. Was the boy crying? Had he hurt him so deeply?
But when Obi-Wan turned back, only sweat was gone from his face. Qui-Gon could see no glistening sign of tears. Instead, he saw the worst kind of defeat.
It stung him. After all his noble talk of winning the hearts of enemies, he realized that he had just crushed the heart of a boy who only hoped to become his ally.
Chapter 17
Obi-Wan left Qui-Gon’s cabin in a daze. He needed rest, but he could not seem to light anywhere. He tried his cabin, then the lounge. At last he wandered the hall aimlessly. He ended up near the engine rooms, staring out at the wasteland of the unnamed planet.
Five moons, in shades of red and blue, hung like ripe fruits out over a silent ocean. A flight of draigons hovered high in the air, asleep on the wing. The island shore was nothing more than a treacherous bit of waver- carved rock. Farther inland, dark volcanic peaks vented steam, and there draigons perched by the hundreds.
A door hissed open behind him. A moment later, Si Treemba stood by his side.
“We have been searching for you,” he said.
“I needed to think,” Obi-Wan answered. He was glad to see his friend. Si Treemba had showed him the greatest trust in the meeting with Jemba. It had forged their friendship, and they both knew it.
“May we ask what you are thinking about?” Si Treemba asked hesitantly.
“I thought that my time in the Temple was hard in many ways,” Obi-Wan said. “The days were filled with study and effort. The very best was expected of us. I respected my teachers so much, and I thought I knew what I needed not only to survive, but to excel.” Obi-Wan took a breath. “Now I see that I had no idea what kind of evil the universe could show me. I’ve never seen real greed before, not like the greed of the pirates or Jemba. It sickens me.”
“As it should,” Si Treemba agreed. “It is a horrible thing.”
“And I am wondering… do I have the seeds of the same greed?” Obi-Wan wondered.
Si Treemba looked at his friend, puzzled. He saw great anguish on Obi-Wan’s face. “Why would you ask that, Obi-Wan?”
“Because, all my life, I’ve wanted to be a Jedi. I craved it so much. I was willing to fight for the honor, and I became angry when others stood in my way.”
“A Jedi gives much to his fellow men,” Si Treemba answered thoughtfully. “He protects the weak, he battles for the common good. We do not thin it is evil for you to want to do well. No, that is not greed.”
Obi-Wan nodded, still looking out at the dark sea. He felt a deep longing to be home, back at the Temple, where things had clarity and purpose. Here, he felt lost.
“It will be light in a few hours. You have done so much for me already, Si Treemba. But will you help me one last time?”
“Of course we shall,” Si Treemba said promptly. “But how?”
“Help me overcome my anger,” Obi-Wan said. His fingers were curled into fists. He looked down at them and uncurled them, then gripped the frame of the view screen. “I feel such rage toward Jemba. He wants to use other people for his own game, and I want to kill him for that. But I don’t like the way I feel right now. Qui-Gon was tight. If I tried to stop Jemba, I would be doing so only to satisfy my own rage.”
“You seem calm,” Si Treemba observed.
“Something has just happened,” Obi-wan told him quietly. “I just realized something. Qui-Gon will never take me as a Padawan. He feels I am unworthy, and perhaps he is right. Maybe I wouldn’t be good at it.”
“And you are not angry?” Si Treemba asked, surprised.
“No,” Obi-Wan said. “I feel strange, Si Treemba. It’s as if a burden has been lifted from me. Perhaps I could be a good farmer. Ant to be good… to be a good person is more important than being a Jedi.”
“But what about Jemba?” Si Treemba asked.
“Yoda once told me that there are trillions of people in the galaxy, and only a few thousand Jedi Knights. He said we cannot try to right every wrong. All creatures must learn to stand for what is right, and not always rely
