had to touch only one button to call home.
'Charles?' he said. 'This is Clayton Starrett. May I speak to my mother, please.'
While he waited for her to come on the line, he slid into his 'orthopedically correct' swivel chair that cushioned him like a womb. It was a sensual experience just to relax in that chair, enjoy its soft but firm comfort, close his eyes and drift, savoring the rewards of his creativity.
'Mother?' he said. 'Clayton. Are you going to be in for a while? Good. Has Eleanor gone out? Also good. There's something important I'd like to talk to you about. I'll be home in twenty minutes or so. See you…'
He hung up briefly, then lifted the handset again and touched the button labeled H.P.
'Helene?' he said. 'Clayton. Will you be in this afternoon? Oh, in about two hours. Good. I'd like to stop by for a few minutes. I won't be able to stay long; my advertising people are coming in later. Fine. See you…'
When he arrived home, Mrs. Olivia Starrett was in her flowery bedroom, seated at a spindly desk, working on correspondence. Clayton leaned down to kiss her downy cheek.
'I'll never get caught up,' she said, sighing. 'All the letters of condolence after father passed. And then Christmas and New Year's cards and letters. It's just too much.'
'You'll answer them all,' he assured her, pulling up a cushioned armchair too small for him. 'You always do. Did Eleanor say when she'll be back?'
'I don't recall,' his mother said vaguely. 'Something about planning a dinner-dance on a cruise ship. Does that sound right, Clay?'
'Probably,' he said. 'I want to talk to you about Eleanor, mother. Eleanor and me.'
Olivia removed her half-glasses and turned to him. 'Oh dear,' she said, 'I do hope it's not a quarrel. You know how I dislike quarrels.'
'I'm afraid it's more serious than that,' Clayton said, and plunged right in. 'Mother, you know that things haven't been right between Eleanor and me for several years now. Since little Ernie died, she's been a changed woman. Not the woman I married. You're intelligent and sensitive, mother; you must have realized that things weren't going well between us.'
Mrs. Starrett made a fluttery gesture. 'God's will be done,' she said. 'We must learn to accept pain and sorrow as part of the holy oneness.'
'Yes, yes,' Clayton said impatiently, 'but I can't go on living like this. It's-it's hypocritical. My marriage is a sham. There's just nothing to it. It's putting up a front at charity benefits and everything else is empty. I can't live that way anymore. It's tearing me apart.'
She stared at him, her big eyes luminous. 'Have you spoken to Eleanor about the way you feel?'
'Eleanor and I don't speak about anything. At least nothing important. We've become strangers to each other. Mother, I'm going to ask for a-for a divorce.' The word caught in his throat.
He was returning her stare but had to turn away when he saw her eyes fill with tears. She reached out to put a soft hand on his arm.
'Please, Clayton,' she said. 'Please.'
He stood abruptly and stalked about the room, unable to face her. 'It's got to be done,' he said roughly. 'Got to be. Our marriage is a great big zero. Eleanor has her charity parties, I have the business to take care of, and we have nothing in common. We just don't share. I want a chance at happiness. At least a chance. Don't you think I deserve that? Everyone deserves that.'
'Have you considered a marriage counselor?' she said timidly. 'Or perhaps you could talk to Father Callaway; he's very understanding.'
He shook his head. 'This isn't a temporary squabble. It goes deeper. We've just become incompatible, that's all. I know this is a shock to you, mother, but I wanted to tell you what I plan to do before I spoke to Eleanor about it. I wanted to get your reaction.'
'My reaction?' she cried. 'Another death in the family-that's my reaction.'
'Come on!' he said heartily. 'It's not that bad. People get divorced all the time and survive. Sometimes it's the healthiest thing to do. A loveless marriage is like a wasting disease.'
She lowered her head, looked down at her hands, twisted her wedding band around and around. 'What will you do then?' she asked. 'Marry again?'
He had not intended to tell her. He had planned to take it a step at a time: inform her about the divorce at an initial meeting; then, after giving her time to adjust, he would tell her about Helene in another intimate conversation.
But now, because she did not seem unduly disturbed, he suddenly decided to go all the way, get it all out, thinking that she might be mollified if she knew that he wanted to remarry and would not be alone.
He sat down alongside her again and clasped her hands in his. 'Mother, the first thing I want to do is end an impossible situation and divorce Eleanor. Believe me, she'll be well taken care of; she won't have a thing to worry about for the rest of her life. I'm talking about money worries. You know I'll make certain she's financially secure.'
She nodded. 'Yes, you must do that.'
'Of course. And when the divorce becomes final'-he took a deep breath-'I want to marry Helene Pierce-if she'll have me.'
Olivia raised her eyes to his, and he saw something that surprised him: a kind of peasant shrewdness. 'How long has this been going on?' she asked.
He concealed his guilt by feigning bewilderment. 'How long has what been going on? You've known Helene as long as I have. She and her brother have become good friends to all of us. I think Helene is a lovely, sweet, sensitive person-don't you?'
'She's awfully young, Clayton-for you.'
He shook his head. 'I don't think so. Perhaps she does. Naturally I haven't even hinted to her about the way I feel. Maybe she'll turn me down.'
'She won't,' Mrs. Starrett said, the peasant again. 'She's not that foolish.'
He shrugged. 'But that's all in the future. I just want you to know that I hope to remarry. I have no intention of living the rest of my life as a bachelor. When I remember how happy you and father were for so many years, I know that marriage-the right marriage-is what I want.'
'Yes,' his mother said.
He leaned toward her, serious and intent. 'I know this must come as a shock to you, and a disappointment. I'd do anything in the world to keep from hurting you. I love you, and I know you love me.'
'I do, but I love Eleanor, too. What you're doing to her seems so-so unkind.'
He gave her a sad smile. 'You know what they say: Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Eleanor will be happier without me.'
'You don't know that.'
'Mother! She'll still have her life: her friends, her charities, her benefits. And perhaps she'll remarry, too. That's possible, isn't it?'
'I don't think so,' Mrs. Starrett said.
He straightened up, trying to keep anger out of his voice. 'If you don't want me to divorce Eleanor, I'll continue that miserable marriage the rest of my life. Is that what you want? Doesn't my happiness mean anything to you?'
Then she did weep and bent forward to embrace him. 'Yes,' she said, sobbing, 'oh yes, I want you to be happy. I'd give my life to make you happy.'
'I know you would, mother,' he said in almost a croon, soothing her, stroking her wet cheek. 'What's most important to me is that this doesn't come between us. I don't want to risk losing your love, and if you tell me not to do it, I won't.'
'No,' his mother said, 'I can't tell you that. It's your life; I can't control it. Clayton, please let's not talk about it anymore. Not now. I'm so shaken I can't think straight. I think I'll take an aspirin and lie down for a while.'
'You do that. And try not to worry about it. I know it's hard for you to accept, but things will work out-you'll see.'
He said again that he loved her and then he left. On the way down in the elevator he thought of additional arguments he might have used, but generally he was satisfied with the way things had gone. On the way to Helene's, he had his chauffeur stop at a florist's shop where he ordered a dozen roses to be delivered immediately
