and you didn't like that. You wanted to lean on his shoulder and puke all over him—then he would have been a friend. And so you searched for flaws in his character, you found his weaknesses, you reduced him to your own level. You do that with every one who's difficult to understand. When you can jeer at the other fellow as you do at yourself you're happy ... then everything comes out even ... Look, try to understand this. Everything's wrong with the world. Everywhere there's ignorance, superstition, bigotry, injustice, intolerance. It's been so since the world began most likely. It will be so to-morrow and the day after. So what? Is that a reason to feel defeated, to go sour on the world? Do you know what Swami Vivekananda said once? He said: There is only one sill. That is weakness ... Do not add one lunacy to another. Do not add your weakness to the evil that is going to come ... Be strong!
I paused, waiting for him to make mince meat of this. Instead he said: Go on, Hen, give us some more! It sounds good.
It is good, I replied. It will always be good. And people will go on doing the very opposite. The very ones who applauded his words betrayed him the instant he stopped speaking. That goes for Vivekananda, Socrates, Jesus, Nietzsche, Karl Marx, Krishnamurti ... name them yourself! But what am I telling you all this for anyway? You won't change. You refuse to grow. You want to get by with the least effort, the least trouble, the least pain. Every one does. It's wonderful to hear tell about the masters, but as for becoming a master, shit! Listen, I was reading a book the other day ... to be honest, I've been reading it for a year or more. Don't ask me the title, because I'm not giving it to you. But here's what I read, and no master could have put it better. The sole meaning, purpose, intention, and secret of Christ, my dears, is not to understand Life, or mould it, or change it, or even to love it, but to drink of its undying essence.
Say it again, will you, Hen?
I did.
To drink of its undying essence, he mumbled. Damned good. And you won't tell me who wrote it?
No.
Okay, Hen. Go on! What else have you got up your sleeve this morning?
This ... How are you making out with your Guelda?
Forget it! This is much better.
You're not giving her up, I hope?
She's giving me up. For good, this time.
And you're reconciled to it?
Don't you ever listen to me? Of course not! That's why I was laying in wait for you. But, as you say, each one has to follow his own path. Don't you think I know that? Maybe we haven't anything in common any more. Maybe we never did, have you ever thought that? Maybe it was something more than that which held us together. I can't help liking you, Hen, even when you rake me over the coals. You're a heartless son of a bitch sometimes. If any one's ornery it's you, not me. But you've got something, if you can only bring it out. Something for the world, I mean, not for me. You shouldn't be writing a novel, Hen. Any one can do that. You've got more important things to do. I'm serious. I'd rather see you lecture on Vivekananda—or Mahatma Gandhi.
Or Pico della Mirandola.
Never heard of him.
So she won't have anything more to do with you?
That's what she said. A woman can always change her mind, of course.
She will, don't worry.
The last time I saw her she was still talking of taking a vacation—in Par is.
Why don't you follow her?
Better than that, Hen. I've got it all figured out. Soon as I learn what boat she's taking I'll go to the steamship office and, even if I have to bribe the clerk, I'll get a stateroom next to hers. When she comes out that first morning I'll be there to greet her. ‘Hi there, sweetheart! Beautiful day today, what?'
She'll love that.
She won't jump overboard, that's for sure.
But she might tell the captain that you're annoying her.
Fuck the captain! I can handle him ... Three days at sea and, whether she likes it or not, I'll break her down.
I wish you luck! I grasped his hand and shook it. Here's where I take leave of you.
Have a coffee with me! Come on!
Nope. Back to work. As Krishna said to Arjuna: ‘If I stopped work for a moment, the whole universe would...
Would what?
Fall apart, I think he said.
Okay, Hen. He wheeled around and, without another word, went off in the opposite direction.
I had only gone a few steps when I heard him shouting.
Hey Hen!
What?
I'll see you in Paris, if not before. So long!
See you in Hell, I thought to myself. But as I resumed my walk I felt a twinge of remorse. You shouldn't treat
