'Oh,' Padme said with a laugh, and she eagerly went for her dessert, stabbing with her fork.
The shuura moved and her fork hit the plate. A bit confused, Padme stabbed at it again.
It moved.
She looked up at Anakin, a bit confused and embarrassed, but then she saw that he was fighting hard not to laugh, staring down at his own plate a bit too innocently.
'You did that!'
He looked up, his expression wide-eyed. 'What?'
Padme scowled, pointing her fork at him and waving it threateningly. Then, suddenly, she went for the shuura again.
But Anakin was quicker. The fruit slipped out of the way, and she stabbed the plate. Then, before she could scowl at him again, the shuura rose into the air to hover before her.
'That!' Padme answered. 'Now stop it!' She couldn't hold her feigned anger, though, and laughed aloud as she finished. Anakin started laughing, too. Half looking at him, Padme snapped her hand at the floating fruit. He waggled his fingers and the fruit looped about her hand.
'Anakin!'
'If Master Obi-Wan was here, he'd be very grumpy,' the Padawan admitted. He pulled back his hand, and the shuura flew across the table to his waiting grasp. 'But he's not here,' he added, cutting the fruit into several slices. Reaching for the Force, he made one piece float upward and slide toward Padme. She bit it right out of the air.
Padme laughed and so did Anakin. They finished their dessert with many fleeting glances, and then, as Teckla and Nandi returned to clean up the plates, the couple retreated to the sitting area, with its comfortable chairs and sofa, and a huge warm fire blazing in the hearth.
Nandi and Teckla finished and bade the couple good-bye, and then they were alone, completely alone, and the tension returned almost immediately. She wanted him to kiss her, so desperately, and it was precisely that out- of-control sensation that had stopped her cold. This was not right-she knew that in her head, despite what her heart might be telling her. They each had bigger responsibilities for the time being; she had to deal with the continuing split of the Republic, and he had to continue his Jedi training. Anakin settled back into the sofa. 'From the moment I met you, all those years ago, a day hasn't gone by when I haven't thought of you.' His voice was husky, intense, and the sparkle in his eyes bored right through her. 'And now that I'm with you again, I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you makes my stomach turn over, my mouth go dry. I feel dizzy! I can't breathe! I'm haunted by the kiss you never should have given me. My heart is beating, hoping that kiss will not become a scar.'
Padme's hand slowly dropped to her side and she sat listening in amazement at how honestly he was opening up before her, baring his heart though he knew she might tear it asunder with a single word. She was honored by the thought, and truly touched. And afraid.
'You are in my very soul, tormenting me,' Anakin went on, not a bit of falseness in his tone. This was no ploy to garner any physical favors; this was honest and straightforward, refreshingly so to the woman who had spent most of her life being attended by handmaidens whose job it was to please and entertaining dignitaries whose agendas were never quite what they seemed.
'What can I do?' he asked softly. 'I will do anything you ask.' Padme looked away, overwhelmed, finding security in the distracting dance of the flames in the hearth. Several moments of silence slipped by uncomfortably.
'If you are suffering as much as I am, tell me,' Anakin prompted. Padme turned on him, her own frustrations bubbling over. 'I can't!' She sat back and struggled to collect herself. 'We can't,' she said as calmly as she could. 'It's just not possible.'
'Anything's possible,' Anakin replied, leaning forward. 'Padme, please listen-'
'You listen,' she scolded. Somehow, hearing her own denial brought some strength to her-much-needed strength. 'We live in a real world. Come back to it, Anakin. You're studying to become a Jedi Knight. I'm a Senator. If you follow your thoughts through to conclusion, they will take us to a place we cannot go… regardless of the way we feel about each other.'
'Then you do feel something!'
Padme swallowed hard. 'Jedi aren't allowed to marry,' she pointed out, needing to deflect attention away from her feelings at that debilitating moment. 'You'd be expelled from the Order. I will not let you give up your future for me.'
'You're asking me to be rational,' Anakin replied without the slightest hesitation, and his confidence and boldness here caught Padme a bit by surprise. There was no longer anything of the child in the man before her.
She felt her control slip a notch.
'That is something I know I cannot do,' he went on. 'Believe me, I wish I could wish my feelings away. But I can't.'
'I am not going to give in to this,' she said with all the conviction she could muster. She finished with her jaw clenched very tightly, knowing that she had to be the strong one here, for Anakin's sake more than for her own.
'I have more important things to do than fall in love.'
He turned away, looking wounded, and she winced. He stared into the fire, his face twisting this way and that as he tried to sort through it all. She knew he was trying to find a way around her resolve.
'It wouldn't have to be that way,' he said at length. 'We could keep it a secret.'
'Then we'd be living a lie-one we couldn't keep up even if we wanted to. My sister saw it, so did my mother. I couldn't do that. Could you, Anakin? Could you live like that?'
