Obi-Wan moved forward. He sat on the grass next to Ferus. It was slightly damp and smelled sweet.
'There are many questions on my mind,' Obi-Wan said. 'Sleep won't come.'
'We face a great enemy,' Ferus said. 'And now we find that she's met with a greater one.'
'Exactly.'
'And that is why you and my Master made your decision this evening,'
Ferus said.
'You don't agree.' Obi-Wan spoke carefully.
'I don't disagree,' Ferus said. 'I recognize that I don't have the experience to refute what you say.'
Obi-Wan stifled a sigh. He could see why Anakin had a hard time with Ferus. Ferus always said the correct thing. Obi-Wan preferred the spontaneity of his own apprentice.
'I sense your impatience,' Ferus went on. 'You think I only say the correct thing just to impress you or my Master.'
'I don't think that,' Obi-Wan said. 'Well, not exactly.'
'Can I help it if the Jedi wisdom I have learned by rote speaks to my heart?' Ferus asked. 'I don't say things because they will please you. I say them because I feel they are true. It's always been that way, from my earliest memory of the Temple. When I was taught, it was as though I already knew. Every Jedi lesson seemed to fit a groove inside my mind that had already been worn. It was why learning was so easy for me.'
'You have a great connection to the Force,' Obi-Wan said. 'No doubt that is why.'
'So does Anakin,' Ferus pointed out. 'Far greater than mine. I can see that. Yet he did not have the problems I did at the Temple. He has made great friends there.'
Obi-Wan was surprised. 'But you were popular in your class. Everyone looked up to you.'
'Yes, I was the one whom everybody liked, but whom nobody wanted to talk to. I was welcome at every table in the eating areas, but not invited to any particular one. Everyone was my friend, but nobody was my particular friend.' Ferus picked some grass and let it fall idly through his fingers.
'I've heard the names they call me. A tunic stuffed with feathers and the Force. The ruler of Planet Dull.'
Obi-Wan frowned. He had not known these things.
Ferus waved a hand. 'It's all right. It's all true, isn't it? I've never been able to joke like the others. I know I can be pompous, too correct. I never learned how to tease the other students. They came to me for help with their studies, they looked to me for answers, but no one wanted to be my friend. Not my true friend, the way Anakin has Tru Veld and Darra.'
Was it a trick of the moonlight, or did Ferus suddenly look younger than his years? Usually, he looked much older. His noble features and the streak of gold in his dark hair had given him a look of maturity early on.
But now he looked uncertain, questioning. Young.
'You will find friendships later in life,' Obi-Wan said, after a pause. 'Friendships are hard to maintain for the Jedi. It is why we treasure them. Let go of your longing, and what you want will come.'
'Or else I am meant to stay the way I am,' Ferus said. 'I wish I had what Anakin has. His connection to the Force is strong, yet he also connects to beings very strongly.'
'Yes,' Obi-Wan agreed. 'I've seen this. It's something Qui-Gon Jinn had, too.'
'I know that Anakin will never be my friend. He knows I fear for him.
I give him warnings when I know I shouldn't, when I know it's none of my business. So he resents me. I thought in the beginning… since I was a little older… that I could tell him things that other students couldn't.
It's just I see things a fellow student would see.'
Here it was. Ferus had been leading to this. He wanted to tell him something. Obi-Wan felt impatient with him, but he calmed the impulse. He felt protective of Anakin. Ferus didn't understand him. He had always been the correct student, the one who did everything right. He could not begin to know the fears and regrets Anakin had to deal with.
'And what do you see, Ferus?'
'I fear for him,' Ferus said quietly. 'To admire him and feel fear for him at the same time didn't make sense to me. It took me a long time to understand why I feared for him. I wanted to be sure there was no envy in it.'
'Do you envy him?' Obi-Wan asked.
'I suppose all the students do, in a way,' Ferus said. 'He is the Chosen One. But what worries me is his will.' Ferus hesitated. 'His power is so great that he thinks his judgment is as well. You saw his arguments tonight. He sees something is right, so therefore he must do it. He argues against you without hearing you. He thinks he can change situations, beings. Maybe he can't do it alone, not yet. But someday he will. Should we trust someone who always believes he speaks with the voice of absolute right?'
That is it, Obi-Wan thought. That is what I see. What surprised him was that it was coming out of the mouth of one of Anakin's peers, a boy only a year or two older than Anakin, someone who had only been on a couple of missions with him.
Ferus is always watching me, Anakin had told Obi-Wan resentfully.
And so Ferus was. But Ferus's mature judgment surprised Obi-Wan.
Surprised him and irritated him, he had to admit. Ferus did not allow for the goodness of Anakin's heart. He did not see how hard Anakin tried. He did not know that Anakin questioned himself all the time.
