since he could not remember it, had led to the abrupt statement, ‘I was ashore from the time Euryalus paid off until I was appointed to the Surprise; and I had a disagreement with my wife.’ Protestants often confessed to medical men and Stephen had heard this history before, always with the ritual plea for advice - the bitterly wounded wife, the wretched husband trying to atone, the civil imitation of a married life, the guarded words, politeness, restraint, resentment, the blank misery of nights and waking, the progressive decay of all friendship and communication - but he had never heard it expressed with such piercing desolate unhappiness, ‘I had thought it might be better when I was afloat,’ said Nicolls, ‘but it was not. Then no letter at Gibraltar, although Leopard was there before us, and Swiftsure: every time I had the middle watch I used to walk up and down composing the answer I should send to the letters that would be waiting for me at Madeira. There were no letters. The packet had come and gone a fortnight before, while we were still in Gibraltar; and there were no letters. I had really thought there must be a remaining . . . but, however, not so much as a note. I could not believe it, all the way down the trades; but now I do, and I tell you, Maturin, I cannot bear it, not this long, slow death.’
‘There is certain to be a whole bundle of them at Rio,’ said Stephen. ‘I, too, received none at Madeira - virtually none. They are sure to be sent to Rio, rely upon it; or even to Bombay.’
‘No,’ said Nicolls, with a toneless certainty. ‘There will be no letters any more. I have bored you too long with my affairs: forgive me. If I were to rig a shelter with the oars and my shirt, would you like to sit down under it? Surely this heat will give you a sunstroke?’
‘No, I thank you. Time is all too short. I must quickly explore this stationary ark - the Dear knows when I shall see it again.’
Stephen hoped Nicolls would not resent it later. Regular confession was far more formal, far less detailed and spreading, far less satisfactory in its unsacramental aspect; but at least a confessor was a priest his whole life through, whereas a doctor was an ordinary being much of the time -difficult to face over the dinner-?table after such privities.
He returned to his task, thump, thump, thump. Pause: thump, thump, thump. And as the crevice slowly widened he noticed great drops falling on the rock, drying as they fell. ‘I should not have thought I had any sweat left,’ he reflected, thumping on. Then he realised that drops were also falling on his back, huge drops of warm rain, quite unlike the dung the countless birds had gratified him with.
He stood up, looked round, and there barring the western sky was a darkness, and on the sea beneath it a white line, approaching with inconceivable rapidity. No birds in the air, even on the crowded western side. And the middle distance was blurred by flying rain. The whole of the darkness was lit from within by red lightning, plain even in this glare. A moment later the sun was swallowed up and in the hot gloom water hurtled down upon him. Not drops, but jets, as warm as the air and driving flatways with enormous force; and between the close-?packed jets a spray of shattered water, infinitely divided, so thick he could hardly draw in the air. He sheltered his mouth with his hands, breathed easier, let water gush through his fingers and drank it up, pint after pint. Although he was on the dome of the rock the deluge covered his ankles, and there were his boxes blowing, floating away. Staggering and crouching in the wind he recovered two and squatted over them; and all the time the rain raced through the air, filling his ears with a roar that almost drowned the prodigious thunder. Now the squall was right overhead; the turning wind knocked him down, and what he had thought the ultimate degree of cataclysm increased tenfold. He wedged the boxes between his knees and crouched on all fours.
Time took on another aspect; it was marked only by the successive lightning-?strokes that hissed through the air, darting from the cloud above, striking the rock and leaping back into the darkness. A few weak, stunned thoughts moved through his mind - ‘What of the ship? Can any bird survive this? Is Nicolls safe?’
It was over. The rain stopped instantly and the wind swept the air clear; a few minutes later the cloud had passed from the lowering sun and it rode there, blazing from a perfect, even bluer sky. To westward the world was unchanged, just as it always had been apart from white caps on the sea; to the east the squall still covered the place he had last seen the ship; and in the widening sunlit stretch between the rock and the darkness a current bore a stream of fledgling birds, hundreds of them. And all along the stream he saw sharks, some large, some small, rising to the bodies.
The whole rock was still streaming - the sound of running water everywhere. He splashed down the slope calling ‘Nicolls, Nicolls!’ Some of the birds - he had to avoid them as he stepped - were still crouching flat over their eggs or nestlings; some were preening themselves. In three places there were jagged rows of dead terns and gannets, charred though damp, and smelling of the fire. He reached the spot where the shelter had been: no shelter, no fallen oars: and where they had hauled up the boat there was no boat.
He made his way clean round the rock, leaning on the wind and calling in the emptiness. And when for the second time he came to the eastern side and looked out to sea the squall had vanished. There was no ship to be seen. Climbing to the top he caught sight of her, hull down and scudding before the wind under her foretopsail, her mizen and main-?topmast gone. He watched until even the flicker of white disappeared. The sun had dipped below the horizon when he turned and walked down. The boobies had already set to their fishing again, and the higher birds were still in the sun, flashing pink as they dived through the fiery light.
It was the barge that took him off at last, the barge under Babbington, with a powerful crew pulling double-? banked right into the eye of the wind.
‘Are you all right, sir?’ he shouted, as soon as they saw him sitting there. Stephen made no reply, but pointed for the boat to come round the other side..
‘Are you all right, sir?’ cried Babbington again, leaping ashore. ‘Where is Mr Nicolls?’
Stephen nodded, and in a low croak he said, ‘I am perfectly well, I thank you. But poor Mr Nicolls .
Do you have any water in that boat?’
‘Light along the keg, there. Bear a hand, bear a hand.’
Water. It flowed into him, irrigating his blackened mouth and cracking throat, filling his wizened body until his skin broke out into a sweat at last; and they stood over him, wondering, solicitous, respectful, shadowing him with a piece of sailcloth. They had not expected to find him alive: the disappearance of Nicolls was in the natural course of events. ‘Is there enough for all?’ he asked in a more human tone, pausing.
‘Plenty, sir, plenty; another couple of breakers,’ said Bonden. ‘But sir, do you think it right? You won’t burst on us?’
He drank, closing his eyes to savour the delight. ‘A sharper pleasure than love, more immediate, intense.’ In time he opened them again and called out in a strong voice, ‘Stop that at once. You, sir, put that booby down. Stop it, I say, you murderous damned raparees, for shame. And leave those stones alone.’
‘O’Connor, Boguslavsky, Brown, the rest of you, get back into the boat,’ cried Babbington. ‘Now, sir, could you
