“How stupid do you think I am?”
“Alex…”
“Vinnie, look at me. Your mother could kick my ass right now.”
He shook his head and smiled. “On another day, when you’re better
… promise me you won’t do anything stupid.”
“I don’t know what to tell you, Vinnie. Right now, I can’t even think about it. But later…”
Later what? Maven was going to arrest them. At this point, that had probably already been done. Was that enough?
Or would I still want to settle things myself? When I was strong again, would I want to go find them, one by one? I knew their names. I knew their faces. I could find out where they lived.
“I’ll promise you this,” I finally said. “If that day comes, I won’t go alone.”
He put the truck in gear. “You’re damned right you won’t.”
As he drove, I kept my eyes closed and listened to the wind whistling past my window. I dozed off for a while. When I woke up, we were just hitting Paradise. He drove through the blinking light, past the Glasgow Inn, then down the access road.
“Looks like somebody plowed while I was in the hospital.”
“My other cousin, Henry. He’s got a plow on his truck now.”
“I guess I owe all of you,” I said.
“It’s nothing.” He pulled into my driveway and stopped the truck.
“Especially you,” I said. “Thanks.”
“Do you have your pills?”
I rattled the bottle in my coat pocket. “Right here.”
“You’re gonna take them?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“Alex, it’s okay to take painkillers when you’re in pain.”
“I know that,” I said. “How come you’re so inside my head today?”
“Because I’m your blood brother, remember? I feel what you feel.”
“Get out of here, Vinnie. I don’t need you to-”
“Alex, damn it. Do I have to take those pills from you? I’ll take them and come over and make you swallow one every four hours, I swear.”
Once again, he knew me too well. He knew that there had been a time, back in Detroit, after my partner had been shot, and I had taken those three bullets myself… The pain in my shoulder, where they had tried to put my rotator cuff back together, not to mention the thought of another bullet left inside me, right next to my heart.
Worst of all, the sight of Franklin lying on the floor next to me, the life fading from his eyes as I looked into them. Those long nights when I couldn’t sleep. Those dark hours all by myself. That’s how it started.
“You know as long as you’re in pain,” Vinnie said, “you can’t get addicted to painkillers.”
“Yeah, that’s what they say.”
“Alex-”
“I’ll take them,” I said. “Okay? I’ll take them as long as I need to, and not one day longer.” I opened the door and got out of the truck. He did the same.
“I’ll come by later to see how you’re doing,” he said.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Says you.”
I thanked him again. He walked away, down the access road toward his cabin. It was a good day for a walk if you had the strength for it.
When I went inside, there were five messages on my machine. Three were from downstaters wanting to make reservations, one was from Leon, a few days back, wanting to know where the hell I was. And one was from Natalie. Just calling to say hello. Wondering how I was doing.
“If you only knew,” I said. I didn’t call her back yet. I couldn’t deal with it. Not yet.
My bruises had reached their full-color peak, and as I stood in the bathroom looking in the mirror, I thought to myself, Maven was right. I should sell tickets. The skin around both of my eyes was black now, and my eyes were both streaked bloodred. There was tape above my left eyebrow, and tape on the back of my head, where they had shaved the hair. The same hair I had dyed, standing right here just a matter of days ago, thinking that I could knock off a few years by hiding some of the gray. God, what a fool I was.
“You really did it this time,” I said out loud.
I took the bottle of pills from my coat pocket. Vicodin. My old friend Vike. I shook the bottle. Thirty of them.
On the spur of the moment, I almost flushed them down the toilet, every last one of them. I stopped myself. “You’re gonna regret that,” I said to myself. “It’s okay to take one now. It’s okay.”
One more look in the mirror, at the ugliest face I’d seen in a long time.
I took a pill, chased it with a gulp of water, and went to bed.
I stayed in my cabin for the next couple of days. I sure as hell wasn’t going to go down to the Glasgow and let Jackie see me looking like this. I took the Vike when I needed it. I ran hot showers and stood there for a half hour at a time, letting the water work on me. A lonely man’s massage. I watched my bruises turn yellow, purple, and green. Vinnie came by a couple of times, bringing in bags of groceries for me. I told him he was a good man.
On the third day, I got out of bed and almost fell right on my face. I had to hold on to one of the kitchen chairs until the room stopped spinning. The pain, which had been losing ground on me, was making a big comeback. I couldn’t eat much that day. The dizzy spells hit me every time I stood up.
The phone rang. I couldn’t stand the sound of it, so I turned off the ringer. I turned the volume down on the answering machine, too. It would take the messages, and I’d play them back later, when I felt like a human being again.
God damn it all, I thought. I took another Vike.
That afternoon there was a knock on the door. I didn’t answer it. Just the thought of getting up made me sick to my stomach. A few minutes later, there was another knock on the door. I stayed in bed. This time, an envelope came sliding under the door. When I finally felt a little better, I got up and opened it. It was a check from the family in the second cabin, God bless them.
Later, as the sun was going down, there was another knock on the door. I stayed in bed. If it was renters, they could leave me a note, or put money in an envelope like the family in the second cabin had, or just skip out on me without paying. I didn’t care.
One more knock, and then whoever it was gave up and went away. Or so I thought.
The door opened a few seconds later, so quietly I didn’t even hear it. My eyes were closed. My ears were ringing. I had no idea that someone else was in the cabin.
Until I opened my eyes and scared the hell out of both of us.
Chapter Eight
“Oh my God,” she said.
“Natalie.”
“Oh my God.”
“How did you get in here?” I sat up too fast and paid for it.
“The door was open,” she said. She reached her hand toward me, stopping just before she touched my cheek. “Alex, what happened to you? Oh my God.”
I didn’t say anything. Her face was inches from mine now. She was looking at me with those eyes. She finally touched me, just the tips of her fingers on my face.
“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice low. “Alex, I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
