wearing their Stetsons, others held them in their hands. I couldn’t see one other person who wasn’t wearing a uniform. Me in my black suit that should have taken a trip to the dry cleaner’s before I put it on…I wouldn’t have felt more out of place if I had been wearing a pink tutu.
Somewhere you’re sharing in the joke, Natalie. Somewhere you’re laughing. That’s the thought I held on to, the only thing that got me through that first five minutes.
I saw Staff Sergeant Moreland across the room. He was a tall man with a full head of white hair. He could pass for a kindly old grandfather until he decided he was unhappy with you. I knew that all too well.
He gave me a long look, then a nod. He saved the grim smile for Maven.
We had to stand around like that for a few more minutes. I could feel the mood of the room changing, as everybody became aware of my presence. Things got quieter. Finally, people started to sit down in the pews. Maven and I sat alone in the last row.
That’s when I saw her picture. It was sitting on a table, with a blue flag folded up next to it. Next to that was her hat, and next to that was a black velvet pillow with what looked like medals resting on top of it.
There were roses, lilies, a big bouquet of what looked like wildflowers. Either somebody knew that she loved wildflowers, or it was just a lucky guess.
A clergyman stepped up to the podium. Finally, another man in a dark suit. He said some words about Natalie Reynaud. About duty and honor and serving her country. It was obvious he had never met her. The words could have been about anyone.
Then Sergeant Moreland went up to the podium, walking as slowly as any man could. He started out talking about Natalie growing up in Blind River, how she came to his detachment when she was only twenty-three years old. He had to stop then. He closed his eyes and breathed out hard. He swayed so far that three of the men in the front row got to their feet, as if they’d need to catch him. Moreland fought through it, told everyone what a great officer Natalie was, what a great person. How she was like the daughter he never had. That seemed to shut him down again. I was sitting there in the last row, feeling the burning in my stomach.
“We have a man here named Alex McKnight,” he said, regaining some of his composure. “He’s the man in the suit. In the back row. He was closer to Natalie than anybody else, so I hope you’ll take a moment to give him your best wishes. Thank you.”
The clergyman got back up and asked if anyone else would like to say anything. None of the other officers stood up. They probably didn’t want to follow Moreland. Or maybe, in the end, none of them had really gotten to know her well enough. The only partner she had for more than a few months was a Senior Constable named Claude DeMers. And he was dead.
I asked myself if I wanted to stand up, if there was anything I could tell these people. I decided that I couldn’t. Whether that made me a weak person, or a wise person, I’ll never know for sure.
When the service was over, everyone stood up and filed slowly past the table. Maven and I waited until the room was almost empty, then we stood up for our turn. I took a long look at the picture. Natalie in her blue uniform, hair pinned up, wearing her Stetson. Her expression all business. I couldn’t help but smile at it. The one smile I would manage all day.
I touched her hat. “Goodbye,” I said. “I love you.”
When I turned around, I saw a few of her fellow officers watching me. I couldn’t help but wonder how much they knew about me. I couldn’t imagine Natalie talking about me too much. Their only other source of information would have been Sergeant Moreland, and beyond whatever he may have told them about me, they all had to know she was in my cabin when she was killed.
Three of the men approached us, all of them dressed in OPP blue.
“Mr. McKnight,” one of them said. I saw something in his eyes before he reached for my hand, got myself ready just in time. His grip was hard enough to break bones. I didn’t flinch.
The second man shook my hand, just as hard as the first.
The third man didn’t extend his hand at all.
“Sergeant Moreland tells me you were a cop once,” he said.
“Yes.”
“Nice of you to show up for her today, Mr. McKnight. Of course, she could have used you a few nights ago.”
“Excuse me?”
He grabbed me by the lapels. I didn’t try to stop him.
“Let go of him,” Maven said.
“This doesn’t concern you, old man. And that badge doesn’t mean shit here.”
“Let go of him now or I’ll put my boot up your ass, so help me God. Right here in the chapel.”
The other two officers were trying to pull him off me now. I couldn’t think of one thing to say to the man. There was a part of me that couldn’t help but agree with him.
The spell was broken by the sound of the bagpipes. The three men left us there. I straightened my suit and then Maven and I went outside. Everyone was standing around in the parking lot, talking in small groups. After a few minutes, it was obvious that nobody really knew what to do. There was no coffin to put in a hearse. No procession of cars to the cemetery.
Sergeant Moreland finally came up to me. His eyes were still red. He shook my hand, then Maven’s. He thanked Maven for bringing me out.
I thanked him for thinking of me, for making it possible for me to be here.
“I’m sure Chief Maven told you,” he said to me, “that I’d like to have a few words before you go back.”
“Of course.”
“The local detachment is just down the road,” he said. My first clue that this might be more than just a polite chat. “I’ve already arranged an interview room for us.”
“An interview room?”
“Yes, Alex.” He looked me in the eye. “There are a few things I need to know.”
Chapter Sixteen
The Sudbury detachment was a single-story brick building in the middle of town. It had about as much charm as Maven’s building back home. Moreland was waiting at the front door for us. He led us both to an interview room. It happened to look exactly like an interview room in the States, or probably any interview room in any police station anywhere in the world. A single table, a few chairs. A mirror on one wall.
“Would you like Chief Maven to stay?” Moreland asked me. “Or would you prefer to do this one-on- one?”
“I’m not exactly sure what it is we’re doing,” I said. “But the chief brought me all the way out here. I don’t see why he can’t stay in the room.”
“Very well.” He sat down at the table and asked me to sit across from him. Maven took a third chair and sat at the end, as if he were the referee in a chess match.
“As I indicated before, I’d like to ask you some questions,” Moreland said to me. He took out a legal pad and a pen. “Some for our investigation. Some for myself.”
“Go ahead.”
“First of all, tell me everything that happened, from the moment Natalie came out to your place.”
I thought back for a few moments, then I gave him the full rundown. Natalie showing up at night. The two of us spending the next day together, going to the Glasgow, going into town, even the quick side trip to see if Leon was home. Everything I could think of. Then going back to my cabin…
“You left her there alone,” he said. “For the first time all day?”
“Yes. Things were getting a little tense between us. We both needed a few minutes to cool off. Plus I had to go take care of some people in one of the other cabins.”
“Why were things getting tense?”
“Because I didn’t want her to go back to Toronto. I could tell she was scared.”
“Did she say that to you?”
