'Course you're not.'
Lonnie stepped over to the Regal and shut the door. One of Billy's shoes was just outside it.
'You ever read a story called 'Thus I Refute Beelzy'?' Lonnie asked.
I said I hadn't.
'About a boy whose father forces him to admit that his imaginary friend isn't real. Kid holds out a long time, but he finally gives in. At the end of the story, all they find of the old man on the stairs is a shoe with the foot still in it.'
He walked around to the car's rear. 'That the right license plate, you think?'
'I'll run it.' The nuts had the same grime as the plate itself. No signs of abrasion around them. 'Doesn't look to have been changed, though.'
'First thing we have to find out is whose car this is.'
'Absolutely. I'll get right on it. Oh, and…'
'Yeah?'
'Good to have you back, Sheriff.'
CHAPTER THREE
This time it was the sound of a motorcycle, not a Jeep. It came up around the lake in late sunlight, echo racketing off the water and the cabin wall behind me as I stood thinking about Lonnie, that first time. I'd been here a few months then. The sheriff had come to pay a visit, and to ask me to help with a murder.
The banjo case was slung on the bike behind him, neck sticking up so that, at the distance, for a moment there seemed to be a second head peering over his shoulder. He dismounted, stood, and nodded. He'd gone wiry, body and hair alike, but his grin hadn't changed at all.
'Things about the same, I see. Still a nice quiet place to live.'
'That was you in town, then.' He'd been standing off from the rest, in the closest thing we had to an alley, a space by the boarded-up feed store that caught runoff from adjacent roofs and where, following each rain, crops of mushrooms sprang up.
'You didn't say anything.'
'I figure a man doesn't declare himself, he has reasons.'
Eldon followed me onto the porch. I hadn't sat out on it much since that day, but the chairs I'd strung together with twine were still in place.
'What was all that commotion?' he said, settling into one and tucking the banjo case between his feet.
I told him about Billy.
'Lonnie's boy, right?'
I nodded.
'He gonna be okay?'
'We'll know more tomorrow.'
Eldon peered off into the trees. A mild wind was starting up, the way it does most nights. 'It really is peaceful here. I forget.'
'Long as you don't look too closely.'
'Right. What was it someone said, Peace is only the time it takes to reload?… I wasn't sure I wanted to come out here, you know.'
'But you did.'
'Looks like.'
'And you rode in on a horse. Where's the wagon?'
'Val's Volvo? Sucker down in Texas took it out. Coming out of a rest stop, never looked. Had to be going eighty or better by the time he hit the highway. And by the time I saw him it was too late, I was bouncing back and forth between a semi and the guardrail doing my best not to crash into someone else. You'll be glad to know the Volvo's rep holds up. Safest car around. There it is, pretty much demolished, but Homer and I don't have a scratch.'
'Homer?'
'Val told me she sometimes thought of the Whyte Lay-die as Homer.'
'Blind poet?'
He shrugged. 'You get my letters?'
'Got them. And would have answered them, if I'd had any kind of address.' In the months following Val's death, those letters, telling me where Eldon had been, where he was headed next, rambling on about what he was thinking and the people he'd met, had become important to me. 'When they stopped, I had to figure either they'd served whatever purpose you had in writing them, or that the purpose didn't matter anymore.'
'Everything have to have a purpose?'
'Purpose, reason, motivation. Pick your word. Not that we ever actually understand our motives-but we seldom act arbitrarily.'
'Sounds suspiciously like you believe it all has a meaning.'
'Not the way we think, locked as we are into cause and effect. Some grand design? No. But patterns are everywhere.'
'Maybe it's all just messages in a bottle.'
'As you recall, I spent a few years of my life decoding those. Messages in a bottle generally come in two flavors. SAVE ME1. Or FUCK YOU ALL.'
He glanced back at me before the trees regained his interest. Fault lines at eyes and mouth, hair chopped almost to his scalp and going a stately gray. Two years. And he looked to have aged ten.
'Don't know as I'd ever written a letter before. I can remember at the time thinking: Man plays a hundred- year-old banjo, he might do well to put his hand to a letter now and again, seems only right. Which sounds like something shed say, doesn't it?'
'She's in us all, Eldon. Part of who we are, the way we see the world.'
'You ever think maybe people should be allowed to just pass on, that we shouldn't have to carry them around inside us forever?'
'Of course. But we do, right alongside what we've done with our own lives.'
'Or haven't. Yeah.'
None of us, Lonnie, Don Lee, J. T., Eldon, or myself, had ever openly spoken of what happened up in Memphis the day after Val's death. Each had been out of pocket then: Don Lee under the weather, Lonnie returning from a business trip, J. T. checking in back home in Seattle, Eldon absent from his gig.
'So I'd be sitting there, in Bumfuck, Texas, or Grasslimb, Iowa, writing on motel stationery when some was to be had, on tablets from the 7-Eleven when it wasn't, and I'd be remembering how you told me that so much of what you'd been taught about counseling-that it's imperative to talk things out, drag feelings into daylight-how so much of that was dead wrong.'
'Humankind has a purblind passion to find some single idea that will explain everything. Religion, alien visitation, Marxism, string theory. Psychology.'
'And I'd remember your saying that people don't change.'
'What I said was, we adapt. Everything that was there before is still there, always will be. The trick's in how we come to terms with it.'
'I'd think about all that, and I'd go on writing. Then one day I stopped. For no particular reason-same as I'd started.'
Dark was coming on. Out in the near border of trees a pair of eyes, a hawk's or owl's, caught light. From deep in the woods came a bobcat's scream.
'I've changed,' Eldon said.
I waited and, when nothing else was forthcoming, went in and poured half a jelly glass of the homemade mash Nathan brought 'round on a regular basis. Designer, he'd taken to calling it, having picked up the modish epithet somewhere. God only knows where that might have been, since he never left the woods, had no radio,
