‘I’m no shrink,’ said Joe. ‘I’ve never been to one in my life, but I’d say if you go back and start to think about every incident and every word that passed between you and Stanley Frayte, you might never make it through.’
Julia stared ahead. She nodded. ‘And maybe that would diminish all his good work,’ she said. ‘I’ve already gone over and over my last conversation with Robin and it’s enough to drive anyone crazy. It’s the old cliche – it was a fight. Our last exchange of words was angry. And I can never go back and change that. You’re so used to getting the chance to make up after an argument, that you expect the chance will always be there. The person storms off and you say “fine – go”, knowing you can apologize a little while later.’ She shrugged.
‘I’m sure he felt the same way,’ said Joe. ‘I’m sure he thought he’d be coming back in that door to sort it all out.’
Julia gave a small smile and turned her head to stare out the window.
It was late evening when they got back to the office. The atmosphere was grim. The only thing worse than a stalled investigation was riding a rollercoaster of promising leads to nowhere.
‘Do you know what it is tomorrow?’ said Joe.
‘No,’ said Danny.
‘My surgery.’
Danny laughed. ‘You looking for a way out? You looking for me to say – you can’t go now, you’re too tired or the case will fall apart without you?’
‘That’d be great,’ said Joe.
‘Yeah, well I’m not,’ said Danny. ‘You need this. You want to know it’s an expert who’s drilling into your face, right? Not some student doctor. This is your one chance.’
Joe bowed his head. ‘Drilling into my face…’
‘Yeah, well that’s what it is.’
Joe sighed. ‘So do I go or not?’
‘Go,’ said Danny. ‘You’re off work a day. We’ll survive without you. You can have a rest.’
‘Who the fuck rests in a hospital, I’d like to know.’
‘Well, whatever.’
Joe stood up. ‘OK. OK. I’ll go home, catch a few hours sleep, then I guess I’m going in.’
Danny stood up and reached out his hand. ‘Don’t worry. We got things under control.’
‘OK. Let me know.’
‘Man, I want to wish you the very best of luck with the operation.’
Joe paused. ‘Thank you.’
‘Any last words?’ said Danny.
‘Very and fucking and funny.’
‘I’ll store them up for you,’ said Danny.
‘Right,’ said Joe.
‘Right,’ said Danny. ‘I’ll see you…’
‘The day after tomorrow.’
‘Are you really -’
‘Yes I am. Shut the fuck up.’
‘I’ll call Anna for the update.’
‘OK.’
‘You’re DNR, right?’
THIRTY
‘Detective Lucchesi?’ A tall thin man walked into the ward. ‘I’m Dr Branfield, I’ll be carrying out your procedure this morning.’
‘How you doing, Doctor?’ said Joe.
Branfield smiled. ‘Well, I’m fine. Just to reassure you, what’s going to happen is a minor procedure, I’ve performed more than any other surgeon in the U.S., so it’s like a walk in the park for me. And it will be the same for you… if you usually walk lying down and sedated.’
Joe made the effort to smile.
‘You have nothing to worry about,’ said Branfield, ‘it will all be over and done with in about thirty minutes. And before you know it, you’ll be going out of your way to eat steak.’ He walked away. ‘See you in theater.’
Four words Joe thought he would never have to hear in his lifetime. His stomach was empty, but it felt like it weighed a ton. He lay back on the pillow with his arm above his head. What am I doing? His phone beeped. It was a text from Anna: ‘Good luck. We’re all thinking of you! XX’
‘Ready to rock?’ said a bright voice from the doorway.
‘Sure,’ said Joe, against every single impulse in his body and mind.
He found himself on a gurney, staring up at the ceiling, watching the lights fly overhead as he was being wheeled in for his anaesthetic. The male nurse guiding him along was talking at high speed about his cell phone coverage and how bad it was in his new apartment. Joe felt like punching him. His hands were already in fists, tight and rigid by his side. He tried to relax, but something had happened to his breathing, stalling it like a car out of gear. The nurse glanced at him.
‘You’ll be fine,’ he said. ‘Take some deep breaths. Honestly, it will make all the difference. In. Out. In. Out.’
Joe locked eyes with the nurse and realized he was now the only person who could stop him from getting up and running out on the street in a gown. He synched his breathing with him and turned away.
‘Now,’ said the nurse, his voice cheery. ‘It’s all good.’
‘Thanks,’ said Joe.
‘Pardon me?’
‘Uh, thanks.’
‘Oh, not a problem. OK, here we are.’
Joe’s head jerked towards the door. ‘Quick. Great,’ he said.
‘In we go.’
He delivered Joe into the waiting surgical team and said goodbye. Joe didn’t want him to leave. In a corner of the room, a doctor was turning away from the group of theater nurses, laughing. A nurse moved over to Joe and introduced him.
‘This is Dr Graff, your anaesthetist.’
‘Hello,’ said Dr Graff. ‘OK. This is the first step towards you feeling a whole lot better.’ He smiled. ‘But if you’ve made it this far, I guess I’m telling you something you already know.’ He smiled again. ‘OK. I’m going to give you a little something and before you finish counting down from ten to zero, you’ll feel yourself go under
…’
But Joe wasn’t thinking about going under. He was thinking about telling somebody something they already knew. Lying on his back, naked and vulnerable, everything started to slot into place. He struggled up from the gurney.
‘It’s OK,’ said the nurse. ‘You’ll be-’
‘I’m sorry,’ said Joe. ‘I gotta go.’
Martinez brought two cups of coffee to Danny’s desk and handed him one.
‘Milk, two sugars,’ he said.
‘God bless your memory,’ said Danny. He glanced at his watch. ‘I’d say Joe is going under round about – now.’
Martinez sat at the edge of the desk.
‘How long’s he gonna be gone?’
‘Just a day or two,’ said Danny.
‘I’d hate to have anything done to my face,’ said Martinez, stroking his jaw. ‘Anyone fucking with you like
