To Conquer Mr. Darcy

She held the letter to her cheek for a moment before settling to read it again, and by the time she retired for the night, she was in a fair way of knowing it by heart.

*   *   *

Elizabeth and the Gardiners devoted the following day to visiting Blenheim. It is not the object of this work to give a description of that remarkable palace nor its grounds, but to attend to the spirits of Elizabeth, which remained in some disarray; and by the time they reached the picturesque Grand Cascades, her silence had drawn the attention of her aunt, who had been hoping vainly that Elizabeth would unburden herself to her of her own accord. As it appeared that she would not do so, Mrs. Gardiner felt that her lack of spirits at this point justified inquiry.

“Lizzy, you are very quiet. Are your thoughts more of Blenheim or a certain gentleman from Derbyshire, I wonder?” said Mrs. Gardiner gently.

“I am just in awe of all we have seen.”

“Is that so?” her aunt asked, doubt apparent in her voice.

If my flaw is to tell everyone else what to do, yours is to tell them nothing at all. Elizabeth recalled Darcy’s words, and his implication that her strong sense of privacy stood in the way of close understanding between them, and wondered why she was avoiding telling one of her most trusted confidantes of her struggles. With some hesitancy, she finally said, “I am trying to make sense of my engagement to Mr. Darcy, and I find it resists analysis.”

“In what manner does it lack sense? He clearly loves you ardently, and it is apparent that he has engaged your tender feelings as well, has he not?”

“Oh, he has,” said Elizabeth with a sigh, “although it was barely more than a month ago that I told him that I could offer him nothing more than friendship, and I hardly know what to trust anymore.”

“I assume you must trust him, to have accepted his proposal.”

“Yes, I do, but sometimes I am not sure what I trust him for is what I want!”

“Why, whatever do you mean, my dear?”

“I trust that we will argue regularly, I trust that he will be persistent in trying to have his own way, I trust that I will have to struggle for my own autonomy… He is very predictable in some ways!”

“Hmmm, my dear, it sounds as if he has a will strong enough to stand up to you. I would not be so certain that is unfortunate. I think it would be far too easy for you to find a man who would let you have your way all too often! You are not Jane, after all. I believe that you may require a man of strong will if you are to be happy.”

Elizabeth pondered this novel idea. Perhaps there was some truth to it. When she did not respond, her aunt added, “And are there not reasons for you to like him, as well?”

With a smile, she replied, “Oddly enough, Jane asked me much the same question when he returned to Netherfield, and I could come up with very little. I imagine that I could do better now.”

“And what would you say now?”

“I would say that he is well-educated, enjoys a good debate, has an amusing sense of humor and a sharp wit when he cares to exercise it, and can be enjoyable company. He is honest, responsible, and devoted; he can be depended upon to take what he perceives as the honorable course, and he will try to be in charge of it.”

“So, he can stand up to you, and challenge you intellectually, and you can rely on him… and what was it that was giving you doubts?” asked her aunt slyly.

Elizabeth drew a breath to retort, then laughed, realizing that she had left herself no ground to stand on. “I take your point, aunt, but I still think he is far too persuasive when he sets his mind to it!”

“And do you mind so much being persuaded?”

“No, perhaps not,” she admitted.

“Lizzy, you have grown up to be self-reliant, which is hardly surprising since both of your parents, in their very different ways, cannot always be relied upon. It can be difficult to give up such self-reliance, even when it is no longer necessary, but I do not think it mere chance that you have chosen for your husband a man who is eminently reliable and responsible. You might consider allowing yourself to rely a little more on your Mr. Darcy.”

“I did not choose him, the fact is that he chose me, and that I have been persuaded to be so chosen,” Elizabeth retorted.

“Perhaps he is sensible of needing a wife with a will of her own, on whom he might rely from time to time!”

Elizabeth cast an amused gaze on her aunt. “Well, I can tell whose side you favor, aunt!”

“And that, my dear Lizzy, is the side of your eventual happiness,” her aunt said, satisfied with the results of their conversation, and now ready to turn her attention to the site of their pleasures. “Now, what think you of the grounds here?”

Seven

Their travels continued to the north, and the following week they reached the vicinity of Pemberley. Elizabeth, as they drove along, watched for the first appearance of Pemberley Woods with some perturbation, and when at length they turned in at the lodge, her spirits were in a high flutter. She had been envisioning the look that would be in his eyes when they met, and the image made her skin tingle. A flicker of anxiety underlay the thought; she could give no sensible reason, but there was a fear that he might not be pleased to see her. She tried to regard it as a manifestation of the general apprehension about their meeting, and not as further evidence of her vulnerability to him.

She had taken up pen and paper more than once during their travels to write to him, but found herself incapable of composing anything more than a mere travelogue, which would be trivial in comparison to his letter to her. She had spent endless hours pondering the dilemma of how to allow herself to love him while maintaining her independence and critical facilities, and was no closer to an answer than when she left Longbourn.

Her mind was too full for conversation, but she saw and admired every remarkable spot and point of view. The park was very large, and contained great variety of ground. They entered it in one of its lowest points, and drove for some time through a beautiful wood, stretching over a wide extent. They gradually ascended for half a mile, and then found themselves at the top of a considerable eminence, where the wood ceased, and the eye was instantly caught by Pemberley House, situated on the opposite side of a valley, into which the road with some abruptness wound. It was a large, handsome, stone building, standing well on rising ground, and backed by a ridge of high woody hills; in front, a stream of some natural importance was swelled into greater, but without any artificial appearance. Its banks were neither formal, nor falsely adorned. Elizabeth was delighted. She had never seen a place for which nature had done more, or where natural beauty had been so little counteracted by an awkward taste. They were all of them warm in their admiration.

They descended the hill, crossed the bridge, and drove to the door, where they found Darcy and Georgiana already outside to meet them. He must have had servants watching for us every minute! thought Elizabeth, and her spirits fluttered as she caught his gaze. His smile was barely perceptible, but the warmth in his eyes could not be missed as he stepped forward to hand her out of the carriage. Without releasing her for a moment, he raised her hand to his lips. “Miss Bennet,” he said softly. “Welcome to Pemberley.” Recalling his other guests, he turned to greet the Gardiners, but remained standing so close to Elizabeth that it was difficult for Georgiana to find room to give her a sisterly embrace.

Georgiana invited them inside and offered refreshments. As they entered, Elizabeth found that she could hardly spare a glance for a her future home; her attention was taken by the gentleman at her side, whose mere presence seemed to be sufficient to cause feelings of desire to course through her. They were shown through the hall into the saloon, whose northern aspect rendered it delightful for summer. Darcy led Elizabeth to its windows that, opening to the ground, admitted a most refreshing view of the high woody hills behind the house, and of the beautiful oaks and Spanish chestnuts that were scattered over the intermediate lawn. Under the guise of showing her the prospect, he whispered, “Dearest Elizabeth, I thought this day would never come. I cannot tell you how much I have missed you.”