no longer put names and faces together. He could remember that one woman had perfect breasts, but no matter how hard he searched his memory, he couldn’t recall the face that went with the breasts. Another woman had tasted incredibly delicious, making him want to use his tongue, breathe in her scent. But her name? He had no idea.
At the moment Cecilia was his lover, but he didn’t think that he’d remember anything special about her either. She was merely expedient. In every way. Completely acceptable in bed, but nothing that would make the angels sing. A body that was sufficiently well-shaped to give him a hard-on, but it wasn’t her body that he pictured in his mind when he was home in bed with his eyes closed, jerking off. She was here, she was available and willing. That was the extent of her attraction, and he knew that he would soon grow tired of her.
But at the moment that was certainly good enough. Impatiently he rang her doorbell, hoping he wouldn’t have to put up with much small talk before he could get inside her and feel all his tension released.
The minute she opened the door, he saw that his hopes would be dashed. He’d sent her a text message, asking if he could drop by, and received a ‘yes’ in reply. Now he realized that he should have phoned instead to see what sort of mood she was in. Because she had a determined air about her. Not angry or annoyed. That wasn’t it. Just determined and calm – which was far more worrisome than if she had been furious.
‘Come in, Erik,’ she said, stepping aside to let him in.
Erik. It was never a good sign when someone said his name in that way. It meant that she wanted to put special emphasis on what she was going to say. That she wanted his full attention. He considered turning on his heel, saying that he suddenly had to take off, anything to avoid entering into this resolute scheming of hers.
But the door stood wide open, and Cecilia was on her way to the kitchen. He had no choice. Reluctantly he closed the front door behind him, hung up his coat, and went to join her.
‘It’s good you came. I was just thinking of phoning you,’ she said.
He stood leaning against the counter, his arms crossed. Waiting. Now it would come. Just like always. The waltz. When the woman wanted to start leading, taking charge and moving forward; when she stated terms and demanded promises that he could never keep. Sometimes these kinds of moments gave him a sense of satisfaction. He enjoyed slowly and meticulously crushing the woman’s pathetic hopes. But not today. Today he wanted to feel naked skin and inhale sweet scents; he needed to climb to the top and experience an exhausted release. He needed this to keep at bay whoever it was who was hunting him. Why did this stupid woman have to choose this particular day to have her dreams dashed?
Erik stood still, glaring coldly at Cecilia, who stared back with great composure. That was something new. He was used to seeing nervous eyes and flushed cheeks in anticipation of the leap about to be made, combined with elation because the woman had found her ‘inner courage’ to demand what she thought was her right. But Cecilia just stood there, facing him, her eyes steady.
She opened her mouth to speak just as the mobile in his trouser pocket began vibrating. He clicked on the message and read what it said. A single sentence. A sentence that almost made his knees buckle. At the same time, from far away, he heard Cecilia’s voice. She was talking to him, saying something. It was impossible to take in her words. But he forced himself to listen, forced his brain to give meaning to the syllables she was saying.
‘I’m pregnant, Erik.’
Not a word was spoken as they drove to Fjallbacka. Before they left Paula had asked Patrik if he wanted her to deliver the news, but he merely shook his head. They had picked up Lena Appelgren, the pastor, who was now sitting in the back seat. She too had remained silent after she heard what she needed to know about the circumstances.
As they turned into the driveway in front of the Kjellner home, Patrik regretted having taken a police vehicle instead of his own Volvo. There was only one way that Cia would interpret seeing a police car driving up to her house.
Patrik rang the doorbell, and in less than five seconds Cia opened the door. He could tell from her expression that she’d seen the car and had already come to a conclusion.
‘You found him, didn’t you?’ she said drawing her cardigan tighter around her as the cold winter wind blew in the open doorway.
‘Yes,’ Patrik told her. ‘We found him.’
For a moment Cia retained her composure, but then her legs seemed to give way beneath her, and she collapsed on to the floor. Patrik and Paula lifted her up. Leaning on them, she headed for the kitchen, where they set her down on a chair.
‘Would you like us to call anyone?’ Patrik sat down next to Cia and took her hand in his.
She seemed to consider the question. Her eyes were glassy, and Patrik surmised that she was having a hard time collecting her thoughts.
‘Would you like us to bring Magnus’s parents over here?’ he said kindly, and she nodded.
‘Do they know yet?’ she asked, her voice quavering.
‘No,’ said Patrik. ‘But two police officers have also gone over to their place, so I can phone and ask them if they’d like to come here.’
It turned out that wasn’t necessary. Just then another police car pulled up next to Patrik’s, and he realized that Gosta and Martin had already informed Magnus’s parents, who climbed out of the vehicle. They came into the house without stopping to ring the bell. Paula went out to the hall to have a whispered conversation with her colleagues. Through the kitchen window, Patrik saw Gosta and Martin go back out into the cold and drive off.
Paula came back to the kitchen, accompanied by Margareta and Torsten Kjellner.
‘I thought having four officers here would be too much, so I sent them back to the station,’ Paula told Patrik. ‘I hope that’s okay.’ He nodded.
Margareta went straight over to Cia and put her arms around her. As soon as her mother-in-law did that, Cia began to cry, and then the dam burst and the tears flowed freely in awful, wrenching sobs. Torsten looked pale and upset. The pastor went over to him and introduced herself.
‘Why don’t you sit down, and I’ll make all of us some coffee,’ said Lena. They knew each other only by name, and the pastor was aware that her job at the moment was to stay in the background, stepping forward only if necessary. Everyone reacted differently to the news of a death, and sometimes all she had to do was to provide something hot and soothing to drink. She began rummaging around in the cupboards, soon finding everything she needed to make the coffee.
‘Hush now, Cia,’ said Margareta, stroking her daughter-in-law’s back. Over Cia’s head she met Patrik’s gaze, and it took a great effort for him not to look away from the deep sorrow he saw in the eyes of a mother who had just learned that she’d lost a son. Yet Margareta was strong enough to offer comfort to her son’s wife. Some women possessed such fortitude that nothing could break them. Bend them perhaps, yes. But they didn’t break.
‘I’m so sorry.’ Patrik turned to Magnus’s father, who was staring blankly straight ahead as he sat at the kitchen table. Torsten didn’t respond.
‘Here’s some coffee for you.’ Lena set the cup in front of Torsten and then placed her hand on his shoulder for a moment. At first he didn’t react, but then he said faintly, ‘Sugar?’
‘I’ll get it.’ Lena again looked through the cupboards until she found a box of sugar.
‘I don’t understand…’ said Torsten, closing his eyes. Then he opened them. ‘I don’t understand. Who would want to hurt Magnus? Who would want to harm our boy?’ He looked at his wife, but she didn’t hear him. She still had her arms around Cia, while a wet patch was growing bigger on her grey jumper.
‘We don’t know, Torsten,’ said Patrik. He nodded gratefully to the pastor, who handed him a cup of coffee before she sat down at the table with them.
‘So what
Margareta gave him a warning look. As if to say: Not now. This isn’t the proper time or place.
He bowed to his wife’s stern gaze and instead reached for the sugar, pouring some into his coffee and stirring it with a spoon.
Silence descended over the room. Cia’s sobs had diminished, but Margareta still held her close, putting her own sorrow aside for the moment.
Cia raised her head. Her cheeks were streaked with tears and her words were barely audible as she
