what you were saying. You were all drunk and acting silly, and we thought it was hilarious.’
‘Ludvig!’ said Cia, embarrassed.
‘But you were drunk,’ her son repeated. And judging by all the commotion, Ludvig had certainly captured their condition on the video. Loud voices and laughter were heard through the summertime dusk; it sounded as if the party was a good one.
Cia tried to say something, but Ludvig held his finger to his lips.
‘Shh, we’re almost there.’
They all stared at the screen without speaking. The only sound was the noise of the party from the video they were watching. Then two people got up, picked up their plates, and came towards the house.
‘Where were you hiding?’ asked Patrik.
‘In the playroom. It was perfect. I could shoot through the window.’ He put his finger to his lips again. ‘Listen.’
Two voices, separated a bit from the others. Both sounded upset. Patrik gave Ludvig an enquiring glance.
‘Pappa and Kenneth,’ Ludvig explained without taking his eyes off the TV. ‘They slipped away to have a smoke.’
‘I think Pappa had stopped smoking by then,’ said Cia, leaning forward to see better.
‘Sometimes he’d have a cigarette or two, at parties and things like that. Didn’t you ever notice?’ Ludvig paused the tape so their talk wouldn’t interrupt.
‘He did?’ said Cia in dismay. ‘I didn’t know that.’
‘Well, on this occasion at any rate, he and Kenneth went around the corner to have a smoke.’ He pointed the remote control at the screen and started the tape rolling again.
Two voices. It was very hard to distinguish one from the other.
‘Do you ever think about it?’ That was Magnus.
‘What are you talking about?’ said Kenneth, slurring his words.
‘You know what I mean.’ Magnus also sounded very drunk.
‘I don’t want to talk about that.’
‘But we have to talk about it sometime,’ said Magnus. There was something pleading, almost vulnerable in his voice that made the hairs on Patrik’s arms stand on end.
‘Who says we have to? What’s done is done.’
‘But I don’t know how we can live with it. For God’s sake, we have to…’ The rest of the sentence disappeared in an inaudible mumble.
Then Kenneth spoke again. Now he sounded annoyed. But there was something else in his voice. Fear.
‘Pull yourself together, Magnus! It won’t do any good to talk about it. Think of Cia and the children. And Lisbet.’
‘I know, but what the hell should I do? Sometimes I can’t help thinking about it, and then in here it feels like…’ It was too dark to see what he was pointing at.
After that it was impossible to make out any more of the conversation. They lowered their voices, mumbling their words, and then went back to join the others. Ludvig pressed the pause button and froze the image of two shadowy figures, seen from the back.
‘Did your father ever see this?’ asked Patrik.
‘No, I kept it to myself. Usually he was the one in charge of the videocassettes, but I shot this one on the sly, so I hid it in my room. I have a few more in the wardrobe.’
‘And you’ve never seen this before?’ Paula sat down next to Cia, who was staring at the TV, her mouth agape.
‘No,’ she said. ‘No.’
‘Do you know what they were talking about?’ asked Paula, placing her hand on Cia’s.
‘I… no.’ Her eyes were fixed on the dark figures of Magnus and Kenneth. ‘I have no idea.’
Patrik believed her. Whatever it was that Magnus was talking about, he had kept it well hidden from his wife.
‘Kenneth must know,’ said Ludvig. He pressed the stop button, took out the cassette, and placed it back in its holder.
‘I’d like to borrow that,’ said Patrik.
Ludvig hesitated for a moment before he put the cassette in Patrik’s outstretched hand.
‘You won’t wreck it, will you?’
‘I promise that we’ll take good care of it. And you’ll get it back in the same shape it’s in right now.’
‘Are you going to talk to Kenneth about it?’ asked Ludvig, and Patrik nodded.
‘Yes, we are.’
‘Why hasn’t he mentioned anything about this before?’ Cia sounded confused.
‘That’s what we’d like to know too.’ Paula patted her hand again. ‘And we’re going to find out.’
‘Thank you, Ludvig,’ said Patrik, holding up the cassette. ‘This might turn out to be important.’
‘You’re welcome. I just happened to think of it because you asked if they’d ever quarrelled.’ He blushed to the roots of his hair.
‘Shall we go?’ Patrik said to Paula, who stood up. To Ludvig he added in a low voice, ‘Take care of your mother. Call me if you need anything.’ And he pressed his business card into the boy’s hand.
Ludvig stood in the doorway, watching the police officers drive away. Then he closed the door and went inside.
Time passed slowly in the hospital. The TV was on, showing an American soap opera. The nurse had come in and asked Kenneth if he’d like her to change the channel. But when he didn’t answer, she had left.
The loneliness was worse than he’d ever imagined. His grief was so great that the only thing he could manage was to focus on his breathing.
And he knew that she would come. She had waited a long time, and now there was nowhere to run to. But he wasn’t afraid; he welcomed her appearance. It would rescue him from the loneliness and the sorrow that were tearing him apart. He wanted to go to Lisbet so he could explain what had happened. He hoped she would understand that he had been a different person back then, and it was because of her that he had changed. He couldn’t bear the thought that she had died with his sins before her eyes. That weighed on him more than anything else, making each breath an effort.
He heard a knock on the door, and Patrik Hedstrom, the police officer, came into his field of vision. Behind him was a short, dark-haired female colleague.
‘Hi, Kenneth. How are you feeling?’ The officer had a serious expression on his face. He went to get two chairs and brought them over to the bed.
Kenneth didn’t reply. He just kept looking at the TV. The actors were performing in front of a background of poorly constructed stage sets. Patrik repeated his question, and finally Kenneth turned his head towards his visitors.
‘I’ve felt better.’ What was he supposed to say? How could he describe what it really felt like? How it burned and stung inside of him, how it felt like his heart was about to burst? Any answer would sound like a cliche.
‘Our colleagues have already been here to see you today. You met with Gosta and Martin earlier.’ Kenneth saw Patrik glancing at his bandages, as if trying to imagine what it must have felt like to have hundreds of glass shards piercing his skin.
‘Right,’ said Kenneth listlessly. He hadn’t said anything then, and he wasn’t going to say anything now. He was just going to wait. For her.
‘You told them that you didn’t know who could be behind what happened this morning.’ Patrik looked at him, and Kenneth stubbornly met his gaze.
‘That’s right.’
The police officer cleared his throat. ‘We don’t think you’re telling the truth.’
What had they found out? Suddenly Kenneth panicked. He didn’t want them to know, didn’t want them to find her. She had to finish what she’d begun. That was his only salvation. If he paid the price for what he’d done, he would be able to explain it to Lisbet.
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ He looked away, but he knew they’d seen the fear in his eyes. Both of
