He merely groaned. A faint drunken muttering.
Christian could feel the lump in his stomach growing. This was wrong. He could see Alice staring at him, wordlessly pleading for help. But her eyes looked just like they had when she’d looked up at him from underwater, and he couldn’t make himself move, couldn’t help her. All he could do was lie on his side and let the world keep spinning.
‘I get first dibs,’ said Erik, unbuttoning his shorts. ‘Hold her down if she starts fighting.’
Kenneth nodded. His face was pale, but he couldn’t take his eyes off Alice’s breasts gleaming white in the moonlight. Erik forced her down on to her back, forced her to lie still and stare up at the sky. At first Christian felt relieved that her eyes had disappeared. They were staring at the stars instead of at him. Then the lump inside of him grew, and with an effort he hauled himself into a sitting position. The voices were screaming at him, and he knew that he should do something, but he didn’t know what. Alice didn’t say a word. She just lay there and let Erik separate her legs, let him lie down on top of her, push inside of her.
He began sobbing. Why did she have to ruin everything? Take what was his, follow him everywhere, love him? He had never asked her to love him. He hated her. And she just lay there.
Erik suddenly stopped moving, then groaned. He pulled out and buttoned his fly. He lit a cigarette, cupping his hand around the match, and then looked at Kenneth.
‘Your turn.’
‘You mean me?’ stammered Kenneth.
‘Yes, now it’s your turn,’ said Erik, and his tone of voice demanded obedience.
Kenneth hesitated. Then he looked at Alice’s breasts again, those firm breasts with the pink nipples that had turned hard in the summer breeze. Slowly he began unbuttoning his shorts, then he started moving faster until he practically threw himself on top of Alice, and began thrusting at her. It didn’t take long before he too groaned, his body rippling with spasms.
‘Impressive,’ said Erik, puffing on his cigarette. ‘Now it’s Magnus’s turn.’ He pointed at Magnus who had fallen asleep, drooling saliva out of the corner of his mouth.
‘Magnus? He’ll never be able to do it. He’s too sloshed.’ Kenneth laughed. He wasn’t looking at Alice any more.
‘Then we’ll have to help him out,’ said Erik, lifting Magnus up. ‘Come on, give me a hand,’ he said to Kenneth, who rushed to his side. Together they dragged Magnus over to Alice, and Erik began unbuttoning his trousers.
‘Pull down his underpants,’ he ordered Kenneth, who with an expression of distaste did as he was told.
Magnus wasn’t ready to do anything, and for a moment Erik looked annoyed. He gave Magnus a few kicks, which woke him up a bit.
‘Let’s just put him down on top of her. But he’s going to fuck her too.’
The voices were quieter now, echoing inside his head. Christian felt like he was watching a film, not something that was actually happening, or something he was participating in. He saw how they dropped Magnus down on top of Alice, how he woke up enough to start making disgusting animal-like sounds. He never got as far as the others; just passed out halfway through, his body heavy on top of Alice.
But Erik was satisfied. He dragged Magnus off because he was ready again. The sight of Alice lying there, so beautiful and remote, seemed to excite him. Harder and harder he thrust into her, holding her long hair wrapped around his hand and pulling so hard that he pulled out big tufts of it.
Then she started to scream. The sound was sudden and unexpected, piercing the night, and Erik abruptly stopped. He looked down at her. Began to panic. He needed to make her stop screaming.
Christian heard the screams forcing their way into his silence. He put his hands over his ears, but that didn’t help. It was the same screaming as when she was a baby, when she took everything away from him. He saw how Erik was sitting astride her, saw him raise his hand and then hit her, how he too was trying to make the screams stop. Alice’s head thumped against the wooden deck with each blow, bouncing up as it struck. And then came the sound of something crunching as Erik’s fist struck the bones of her face. He saw how Kenneth, very pale, was staring at Erik. And Magnus had been awakened by the screaming. He sat up groggily, looking at Erik and Alice and his own unbuttoned trousers.
Then the screams stopped. It was very quiet. And Christian fled. He got up and ran – away from Alice, away from Badholmen. He ran home, in the front door, and upstairs to his room, where he got into bed and pulled the blanket over his head, over the voices.
Slowly the world stopped spinning.
‘We left her there.’ Kenneth couldn’t make himself look at Erica. ‘We just left her there.’
‘Then what happened?’ asked Erica. She still didn’t sound reproachful, which made him feel even worse.
‘I was terrified. In the morning when I woke up, I thought at first that it was all a bad dream, but when I realized that it really did happen, that we really had…’ His voice broke. ‘All day I waited for the police to knock on the door.’
‘But they didn’t?’
‘No. A couple of days later, we heard that the Lissanders had moved away.’
‘What about the three of you? Did you talk about it?’
‘No, never. It wasn’t that we agreed not to talk about it, we just never did. Until that Midsummer party when Magnus had a little too much to drink and he brought up the topic.’
‘That was the first time?’ asked Erica in disbelief.
‘Yes, that was the first time. But I knew that he was suffering. He was the one who had the hardest time living with what we’d done. I somehow managed to suppress it. I focused on Lisbet and my life. Chose to forget. And Erik… well, he didn’t even need to forget. I don’t think it bothered him at all.’
‘And yet the three of you remained friends all these years.’
‘Yes, and I don’t really know why. But we… deserved this.’ He motioned with his bandaged arms. ‘I deserve even worse, but Lisbet didn’t. She was completely innocent. The worst thing is that she must have learned what happened. I think that was the last thing she heard before she died. I wasn’t the person she thought I was. Our life together was a sham.’ He was trying to hold back the tears.
‘What the three of you did was horrible,’ said Erica. ‘There’s no other way to describe it. But the life you had with Lisbet was not a sham, and I think she knew that. No matter what she was told.’
‘I’m going to try to explain it to her,’ he said. ‘I know that it’s my turn next. She’s going to come for me too, and then I’ll have a chance to explain. I have to believe that’s possible, or else…’ He turned his face away.
‘What do you mean? Who’s coming for you?’
‘Alice, of course.’ Hadn’t Erica heard anything he’d said? ‘She’s the one who’s been doing all this.’
At first Erica didn’t reply. She just looked at him with pity.
‘It’s not Alice,’ she said then. ‘It’s not Alice.’
Patrik closed up the book. He didn’t understand everything – it was a little too deep for his taste, and the language was somewhat convoluted in places – but he’d been able to follow the basic story line. And he realized that he should have read the book earlier, because certain things were now becoming clear.
A memory surfaced in his mind. A fleeting image of the bedroom belonging to Cia and Magnus. Something he’d noticed but hadn’t thought important at the time. There was really no reason why it should have caught his attention, but he still couldn’t help reproaching himself.
He tapped in the number on his mobile.
‘Hi, Ludvig. Is your mother home?’ He stayed on the line as he listened to Ludvig’s footsteps and the faint murmur of voices. Then Cia picked up the phone.
‘Hi, it’s Patrik Hedstrom. I’m sorry to bother you, but I’ve been wondering about one thing. What did Magnus do on the night before he disappeared? No, I don’t mean the whole evening, just after you’d gone to bed. He did? All night? Okay, thanks.’
