As she stood there with her hand resting on the door handle, Trude Hansen no longer remembered where she was going. She swayed and realized she had already got hold of enough to see her through until tomorrow. The relief was so great that her knees gave way, and she had to lean on the wall when she let go of the door handle.
It still smelled vile in here.
She must do something about it.
Soon, she thought, staggering into the small room. In the alcove a sleeping bag lay on top of an unmade bed. At the bottom of the sleeping bag lay a red toilet bag with a picture of Hello Kitty on it. Someone had given the cat fangs and a patch over one eye. With hands that somehow didn’t want to obey her she eventually managed to pull out the bag and unzip it.
Everything was there.
Untouched. Three fixes.
Just like countless times before, she was intending to take the whole lot at once. Routinely, dully, she considered the chances that it would all be over if she took an overdose on purpose. She always started thinking along these lines on those rare occasions when she had enough heroin even to contemplate suicide, and it was equally inevitable that she would always reject the idea. She probably wouldn’t die. And when she came round, she would have nothing left.
The thought of running out of drugs was worse than the thought of going on living.
She took the toilet bag and staggered the few steps over to a green sofa against the other wall. It was covered with empty beer bottles from yesterday. Someone had dropped a cigarette on one of the cushions during the night, and she stood for a while looking at the big brown circle with a black hole in the middle.
Above the sofa hung a confirmation photo of Runar.
She grabbed it and threw it among the beer bottles.
Runar stared at her from the large picture in its gold frame. His hair was cut in a mullet, and he’d had a perm. His suit was powder blue. The narrow tie was pink. He had looked so smart, she remembered. He was her big brother, and the most stylish person in the entire church that day. Later, when the ceremony was finally over and her mother really wanted to get away before any of the other parents started asking about the party, he had picked up his sister and carried her in one arm all the way to the bus stop. Even though she was nine years old and much too fat.
They had eaten chicken wings.
Mum, Runar and Trude.
Runar hadn’t received a single present, because all the money had gone on his new suit, his hairstyle and the photographer. But they had eaten chicken wings and chips and Runar had been allowed a beer to go with it. He had smiled. She had laughed. Mum had smelled clean and wonderful.
Slowly she took out the spoon and the Bunsen burner Runar had given her. Soon she would feel better. Very soon. If only her hands would obey her a little better.
Her dull brain tried to work out how long it was since Runar died. Nineteen plus nineteen? No. Wrong. From the nineteenth to the nineteenth was thirty-one days. Or thirty. She couldn’t remember how many days there were in November. Nor how many days had passed since then. She couldn’t even remember what day it was today.
The only thing she knew for sure was that Runar died on 19 November.
She had been at home. He was supposed to come. Runar had promised to come. He was just going to get some money. Score some heroin. Get everything she needed. Runar was going to help his little sister, just like he always did.
He was late. He was so fucking late. Then the cops came.
They came here. Rang the bell, at some ridiculous hour of the morning. When she opened the door they told her Runar had been robbed in Sofienberg Park that night. He had severe head injuries when he was found, and was probably already dead. Someone had called an ambulance, and he was pronounced dead when he arrived at the hospital.
The policewoman was serious, and might possibly have tried to console her.
She didn’t remember anything apart from a piece of paper in her hand. The address and phone number of a funeral director. Five days later she had woken up so late in the day she realized she wasn’t going to make it to the funeral.
Since then the cops had done fuck all.
Nobody had been caught.
She hadn’t heard anything.
As the syringe emptied into a vein at the back of her knee, the blissful warmth spread so quickly that she gasped out loud. Slowly she sank back on the green sofa. She wrapped her stick-thin arms around the photo of Runar. Her last conscious thought before everything became warm clouds of nothingness was that her big brother had given her the last three chicken wings on the day he was confirmed and Mum gave him a beer for the first time.
The cops didn’t care about people like Runar.
People like her and Runar.
‘Do you care about this at all?’
For the first time in more than three quarters of an hour, Synnove Hessel was on the point of losing control. She leaned towards the police officer, both hands gripping the edge of the table as if she were afraid she might hit him otherwise.
‘Of course,’ he said without looking at her. ‘But as I’m sure you understand, we have to ask questions. If you had any idea how many people just leave their normal everyday lives without-’
‘Marianne hasn’t left!
The police officer sighed. He leafed through the papers in front of him, then glanced at his watch. The small interview room was becoming unbearably warm. An air-conditioning unit hummed in the ceiling, but there must be something wrong with the thermostat. Synnove Hessel took off her knitted sweater and flapped her shirt in an attempt to cool down. A damp oval stain was visible between her breasts, and she could feel the sweat trickling down from under her arms. She decided to ignore it. The police officer smelled worse than she did.
At Gardermoen police station they had at least been friendly. Almost kind, in spite of the fact that all they could do was direct her to a normal police station. They had sympathized, of course, and made her a cup of coffee. An older uniformed female officer had tried to console her with the one thing everyone else seemed to know: people go missing all the time. But, sooner or later, they turn up again.
Later was too late for Synnove Hessel.
The journey home to Sandefjord that same night had been an ordeal.
‘Let’s sum up what we have,’ suggested the police officer, finishing off a bottle of cola.
Synnove Hessel didn’t reply. They had already summed things up twice, and it hadn’t brought the man any closer to a realistic understanding of the situation.
‘After all, you are…’
He adjusted his glasses and read:
‘… a documentary film-maker.’
‘Producer,’ she corrected him.
‘Exactly. So you know better than most people what reality looks like.’
‘We were supposed to be summing things up.’
‘Yes. So. Marianne Kleive was supposed to be going to Wollogo… Wollongo-’
‘Wollongong. A town not far from Sydney. She was going to visit a relative. Celebrate Christmas there.’
‘Hell of a short stay for such a long journey.’
‘What?’
